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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU - Grand MIL totally disrespected boundaries

229 replies

Mumto4MO · 27/01/2023 23:08

I was visiting her today with the baby without my husband. This was an unplanned visit as I was with MIL food shopping and she wanted to pop in before we went home. LO just got over a viral infection.

GMIL comes up like “are you coming to me? Are you coming?” And I am visibly uncomfortable explaining how she was sick and she insists and insists that she’s not contagious so I oblige. Then she says “I will only kiss her on the side of the head” and I SEE her kiss her on the cheek. She then picks her up and goes walking around with her, this frail woman who falls and injures herself all the time. I said no she’s heavy and she whined “but I never get to hold her I want to hold her”. She sees her once a week. She was touching her hands the whole time which go straight into her mouth. I told her that I was the one sitting up with her all night all week while she screamed and cried in pain.

I feel disgusted at myself that I didn’t just put my foot down and say NO after she ignored me several times and now I feel like giving her a text or something to explain that I feel disrespected. I wrote one out but I don’t know if I should send it or just leave it and don’t visit her for a while. If my husband was there she never would have acted like this.

WIBU to send her a text detailing why I am upset and ask her not to do this again?

OP posts:
SnarkyBag · 27/01/2023 23:12

Really, great mother wants to hold baby and you’re disgusted with yourself and want send a berating text? Get a bloody grip of yourself!

PumpkinPastiez · 27/01/2023 23:15

Wow. Glad im not related to you. Send the text message and see how much damage you can cause

Original poster
Mumto4MO · 27/01/2023 23:16

SnarkyBag you’re joking right? She kissed her on the cheek and I was up all week with her screaming in pain with sickness so I don’t want her to get sick again.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 27/01/2023 23:16

Think issue is she's a falls risk and wants to walk around holding the baby?

dollymixtured · 27/01/2023 23:17

Oh grow up and stop being so ridiculous

GideonSmideon · 27/01/2023 23:17

She didn't do anything wrong. Pfb?

Original poster
Mumto4MO · 27/01/2023 23:17

The issue is the kissing on cheek and touching hands when I don’t want baby to get sick again.

OP posts:
FrangipaniBlue · 27/01/2023 23:17

Since when does kissing a baby on the cheek cause them pain? I'm confused....

HallwayDoor · 27/01/2023 23:18

I’m with you on the no kissing baby on the face and not holding her if she falls. If she’s visibly sick I wouldn’t have had anyone hold my new baby either. I think your MIL wanted to go on a pre planned visit to see her.
Talk to your DH and don’t text

FrangipaniBlue · 27/01/2023 23:18

Mumto4MO · 27/01/2023 23:17

The issue is the kissing on cheek and touching hands when I don’t want baby to get sick again.

Sheesh you've some rough times ahead.......

Original poster
Mumto4MO · 27/01/2023 23:18

It causes them to get sick. She had been sick all week and I don’t want her to be sick again!

OP posts:
FrangipaniBlue · 27/01/2023 23:19

Mumto4MO · 27/01/2023 23:18

It causes them to get sick. She had been sick all week and I don’t want her to be sick again!

Kissing a baby on the cheek does not cause them to get sick.

Original poster
Mumto4MO · 27/01/2023 23:19

It spreads germs. It’s the season of sickness.

OP posts:
RewildingAmbridge · 27/01/2023 23:20

Do you understand viral transmission? She kissed her cheek, she didn't spit in her mouth.
Also it doesn't sound like the grandmother is even ill.

Bosk · 27/01/2023 23:20

It's more likely that you're the one who's making your baby sick.

How'd you like them apples?

MrsBunnyEars · 27/01/2023 23:20

You are very much in the wrong here.

Bobshhh · 27/01/2023 23:22

Oh I thought you were worried about an elderly relative catching an illness from your child, but you're worried about a child catching a non existent illness from an elderly lady because she kissed her on the cheek? It's not like she coughed into her mouth and then licked her eyeball.

SnarkyBag · 27/01/2023 23:22

Mumto4MO · 27/01/2023 23:16

SnarkyBag you’re joking right? She kissed her on the cheek and I was up all week with her screaming in pain with sickness so I don’t want her to get sick again.

Not joking at all you sound ridiculous and agree with other poster whatever bug she just had it was likely she picked it up from your or her dad.

Walterwhiteswifey · 27/01/2023 23:22

I would have thought if she was getting over an illness it should be the MIL worrying she would catch it. But instead she showed your child love and affection because that's what grandparents do. I wouldn't send a text, imagine receiving a text telling you off for being a grandparent. How sad for her 😢

FrangipaniBlue · 27/01/2023 23:23

If this is a serious post you really need to give your head a wobble.

Roundandnour · 27/01/2023 23:23

You are going to love nursery.

Original poster
Mumto4MO · 27/01/2023 23:23

I’m not sure about the nature of this thread it’s my first time using it but I am aware of what the internet is. I want some help in terms of these feelings. I am a panicked new mother. Regardless of what you think about kissing babies shouldn’t my wishes be respected if I express them?

OP posts:
Walterwhiteswifey · 27/01/2023 23:24

Man I now feel so sorry for this person that I've never met. That poor woman.

FairyBatman · 27/01/2023 23:24

To be honest I’d be more worried about baby making a frail elderly person sick in that circumstance, however you aren’t unreasonable about the walking around if she’s a fall risk, and she should be sensible enough to sit down.

i do think you’re overreacting though to touching hands and kissing on the cheek.

PennyToffee · 27/01/2023 23:24

Try a bit harder. MiL threads are ten a penny on MN