WIBU - Grand MIL totally disrespected boundaries

[Mumto4MO]

I was visiting her today with the baby without my husband. This was an unplanned visit as I was with MIL food shopping and she wanted to pop in before we went home. LO just got over a viral infection.

GMIL comes up like “are you coming to me? Are you coming?” And I am visibly uncomfortable explaining how she was sick and she insists and insists that she’s not contagious so I oblige. Then she says “I will only kiss her on the side of the head” and I SEE her kiss her on the cheek. She then picks her up and goes walking around with her, this frail woman who falls and injures herself all the time. I said no she’s heavy and she whined “but I never get to hold her I want to hold her”. She sees her once a week. She was touching her hands the whole time which go straight into her mouth. I told her that I was the one sitting up with her all night all week while she screamed and cried in pain.

I feel disgusted at myself that I didn’t just put my foot down and say NO after she ignored me several times and now I feel like giving her a text or something to explain that I feel disrespected. I wrote one out but I don’t know if I should send it or just leave it and don’t visit her for a while. If my husband was there she never would have acted like this.

WIBU to send her a text detailing why I am upset and ask her not to do this again?

Mummy will build baby a plastic bubble in which she can attend nursery and school.

Your child was a greater risk to her frail great grandmother today than she was to the baby

Babies get viral illnesses all the time. The vast majority are not seriously ill with them, unless they have underlying medical conditions. Dealing with viral illnesses is an important part of building up their immune system.

The main risk to your child was likely the risk of GGM falling. Another time find a kind way to ask her to sit comfortably on a chair before handing her the baby.

Hope you get a decent amount of sleep tonight.

Your baby will get sick time after time..... YABU

How did you let her get sick the first time then?

Op I think there is a lot of harshness on this thread. We are only really over a pandemic if it’s even officially over as such in that there is still understandably concerns and what not happening. Honestly regardless of anyones beliefs on the seriousness of it, it’s been really tough on new parents having to have that on their shoulders. I am speaking as someone who had two pandemic babies. If you are not happy with something, you have every right to voice that. Honestly though I probably wouldn’t send that text, I would talk to your husband and explain your concerns. You can try be prepared next time and have a plan ready. Your baby is still young, you won’t be this worried forever and it’s ok to have boundaries. You will feel less worried naturally when your baby is doing gross stuff like licking buggy wheels ect or at least I did, I guess it was a bit of what can you do🤷🏼‍♀️ At that point for me😂 but you know what, I can understand why you wouldn’t want some one that falls a lot carrying your baby around and also why you don’t want them kissed on the cheek at the moment ! I think your baby will be fine, but I too have had the whole sick babies thing and it sucks, you are only just out of an illness so of course you don’t want them sick again! It’s really hard being a new mum and the worries that come with it!

It is very normal and natural to not what you little one to get sick. However as they get older, start moving around around, over protectiveness can cause more anxiety for them.. over protectiveness can be counter productive.. let it go and relax a little - this all sounds very stressful

My exact thoughts!! There will be some tough times ahead for OP.

Wow! I thought you were going to be concerned about your recently ill germs baby infecting your vulnerable frail gmil!

I find your post sickening amd selfish and no, I'm not a Gm!

The GMIL isn't infected, the baby is, but op doesn't care about her becoming ill, it's all about the precious one!

Oh my goodness, a frail elderly great grandmother pecking a baby on the cheek and holding her hand

This is Outrageous and terrible!

Why did you not ring the police, the fbi, the fire station and the social services all at once!

Seriously, come on. I am sorry to hear your little one was poorly but is it the end of the world. She Is recovered now and you can wash her hands. I was my kids hands frequently.

You might want to get a glass bubble for DD now if they are to never catch a bug ever again.

I'd be more worried about your baby making the old person I'll OP - and would hope you'd have been more concerned we ith that too.

As for your post, you're essentially saying noone can hold your baby during winter months in case your baby gets ill. You are being ridiculous, babies get ill regardless and if you're trying to protect them from germs, good luck with that when they're crawling around and into everything.

Where is it 'plastered' not to let people touch your baby? I never saw or heard that advice when I had a baby?!
letting people in your close circle touch your baby is fine. Even letting people you don't know that well touch your baby is also fine. Your baby will be exposed to germs and that's fine. Just avoid taking her to people who are actually ill, but otherwise don't worry about it.

Get a grip ffs

I don’t like people including family kissing my baby on the face. Head fine but nothing else. FIL once kissed baby on lips - i shuddered but didn’t say anything because felt i would be seen as too overprotective.

There is a balance in trying to protect your child from germs and I understand where you’re coming from. It’s not nice when your baby is poorly and you’re just wanting to protect them. You should do what’s right for you and forget about anyone else!

However I wouldn’t send a text. I think next time you’re there just say baby is recovering from an illness, best not to get too close as we don’t wanna spread any lingering germs.

OP I think regardless of exactly what happened in the situation, the part I'm picking up on is that you wish you stood your ground. I feel that.
It's so hard when you are in a situation with your new baby, that you don't feel comfortable with, but people decide they have some sort of 'rights' to your baby. Although her behaviour is coming from a place of love, maybe suggest next time she washes her hands first and wash babies hands too or ask her to sit down and offer a cushion for support? As if she fell both are at risk of injury.
Don't send the text, talk to your DH and hopefully he will help you decide how best to handle future situations with GMIL.

YANBU to be worried about and try to limit a frail person who falls easily and often, carrying a hefty baby.

YANBU to be annoyed that you made this clear and she still did it.

YABU to think you can possibly prevent your baby from catching a variety of viral and other infections during her childhood - she HAS to do this, its how she develops an immune system and you are doing her no favours whatsoever if you were to actually succeed in preventing her catching anything.

Reasonable behaviour - don't visit people who are actively ill.

Unreasonable behaviour - freak out about her seeing and being in physical contact with people who are NOT ill.

If you're trying to communicate things with people and it doesn't seem to be working all you can do is look at HOW you're doing that.

For example, instead of telling GMIL 'Don't hold the baby you might fall', have you tried saying 'You can hold the baby but please sit down first, I am worried she may wriggle and cause you to fall, she is quite heavy now.'

The first is a negative and may well feel like a judgement. The second is a positive 'please DO do this' and not a judgement on her so you may find she responds better to that.

Nothing to do with grandmas being on here

No because you're being absolutely hysterical 😂. God help you all.

@Mumto4MO Hi OP, I don't think that your feelings are unreasonable. It's perfectly understandable that you're worried about your baby and frustrated that GMIL ignored your wishes.
I wouldn't say anything but if it was me, I would be a bit more firm next time I was dismissed.
You're the mum, and it's your decision. So GMIL should respect if you're wary of illness being passed on to your baby.
Though it would be nice for her to hold baby and form a bond whilst she's able to.

I'm a first time mum (baby is 37+5) so I'm learning too but above is how I would react if it was me.

If you try to keep a baby from every germ they won't build up any immunity. By all means encourage her to sit down to cuddle the baby, but other than that you are being ridiculous.

You can hardly blame the OP when the whole world was absolutely panicking and scaring the shit out of us saying we were all going to die if we sit in a room together.

OP your baby will be fine.
Exposing her to different environments is good for your baby and your grandmother.

Looking after sick babies is horrendous.

But this issue isn’t worth sending a censorious text over. It will spoil the relationship.

My sister was like this. Now the kids are all adults and mine have great relationships with my parents and hers don’t. Because she put so many rules in place that my parents because scared of doing the wrong thing with her kids.

Ha. Wait till they’re a toddler and they socialise with other kids. They’ll have one bug after another. It’s life. You usually get it too!

Stop being ridiculous. It’s nice to have family want to be involved in a child’s life. As she’s older and frail she probably wants to make the most of it. You sound a bit mean.

You haven't mentioned if your GMIL is ill or not. If she's not, then it's no different from you holding your baby's hands and kissing their cheek. If GMIL is ill, then you shouldn't be there. Usually, old people and sick babies are kept apart to keep the old people safe.