CF and the City

[ThePriceOfSugar]

I live in NYC.

A couple of months ago, an old friend got in touch with me for the first time in about a year and expressed that she wanted to come to the US on holiday. I said cool, I'll give you my recommendations for NYC.

Just now, she's said to me "I'm arriving on March 10th and heading to New Orleans on the 17th. Is it still okay for me to stay with you?"

Needless to say, she never even asked. I'm quite breathtaken by the cheek. Last time I saw this girl was 6 years ago, when she....invited herself to stay (different city).

I'm not down to save this girl $2,000 in hotel and convenience bills. But how should I phrase my reply? Hold me back....

It's possible to flick through messages and therefore activate the blue tick but miss reading them.

It won't have happened here, of course she's read it, but she could still claim that's what happened.

No it isn't. You have to have opened the message for it to get blue ticked. Just scrolling down the message list doesn't do it.

I know, but on occasion when the message notification and preview has come in for multiple messages, I've gone into them and activated the blue tick without properly seeing the message, even though it opened briefly. I realised what I'd done and went back to read it, but there was briefly a blue tick when I hadn't actually read the message.

Obviously the woman has seen it, though!

Given how horrendously you describe her as a person, why on earth would you meet her for drinks?!?! Do you usually slag people off and then pretend to like them by meeting them for drinks?

I think the friend has shown up on the thread…

I lived in NYC for years and had this a lot! 🙄 I didn’t really have an issue with friends crashing … but after I agreed to it several then mentioned that their Mum/DP/Sister was also coming! The worst part for me was the continual insinuations that they had come to ‘visit’ me rather than blagging themselves a cheap holiday in an expensive city!

I’m assuming there is still silence! I wonder if she’s frantically trying to change her flights as she can’t afford the hotel - so glad you said no though - thread title gold too OP 😆

I've not read the whole thread so might have missed someone else referring to this, but I'm sure there was a similar thread a few years back where the CF actually then did turn up at the address and the couple were in their studio working but could see her, and then she hassled them from a nearby restaurant or something. Anyone remember what I'm talking about and able to link to it here?

OP, does the CF have your address so this might happen or are you going to be safe from her just appearing even though you've said no?

Still no response 😌. She doesn't have my address, so I feel quite safe in the knowledge I won't be surprised...

Sounds like you've really spiked her guns, OP. Good job!

Sounds like you may be off her Christmas card list. I don't expect you'll be too heartbroken about that.

Answered myself - the thread I was thinking of was less than 6 months ago!
CF turning up despite refusal

Don't be silly, OP described the friend's behaviours, not her personality, & iirc it was notable that she did so neutrally, without descending to judgement.

It's not OP's responsibility that her friend had a few wild nights out, & OP's aplomb in dealing with the consequences of those nights was apparent from the light touch with which she described them.

In other words - it's YOU who is judging the behaviours & translating them as horrendous, not OP, who as far as I can see from her own words, has done no such thing. Tolerant amusement of inconvenient antics & CF'ery is not the same thing as slagging people off. Which incidentally, you have also done, to OP, by making that pointlessly nasty post. That's 2 double standards in just a 3 line post! - you might want to consider that, if you tend to do it in real life as well.
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201908/double-standards

@KettrickenSmiled thanks for this thorough and noble defense!

@KettrickenSmiled legend!! 🤩

Thanks OP & Wild ... been in work mode for about 3 hours & forgot I even wrote it, had seen an OP update & was obvs agog for any CF news ...

Hoping CF unaffected by floods PP have reported. Also kinda hoping she redeems herself with at minimum a pass-agg thumbs-up icon, even tho melodrama at 3rd hand is so effortlessly entertaining 😂
Do CF's not know how transparent they are, or know & simply don't care?

noble my arse 😂😇am dressed as sub-par binman with inky work stained paws, wot a state.

@KettrickenSmiled love it

It's an extra layer of CFery to not reply to your response this proving (in my mind) she had you for a fool no 'OMG I'm sooooooo sorry how awkward you must have thought me terribly rude suggesting I stay when you hadn't agreed'. To not reply just heightens the levels of CFness!

That's even worse.

No response is fine. She may be a CF but the only reason to want a response after that, other than to confirm she won't be coming, is to get some sort of vengeance for the attempt.

"Sorry but you weren't that specific in your message, you only said that you were visiting NYC so I had no idea you were asking to stay here! I'm sorry but I can't offer a bed but would be great to catch up at some point as we haven't seen each other for 6 years. Mad isn't it!!"

It's been said many times on this thread, but why should the OP apologise profusely?!

That's an unusual take. It's an awkward text exchange involving some presumption? I don't know anyone that would be so upset about this that they would want "vengeance".

I would want a reply to figure out if the friend would apologize for overstepping or be mad at me for not letting them take advantage. That way I would know if I wanted to remain friends or not.

You've obvs missed the passive assertive approach; no need to be aggressive to get the message across.

@Maireas You've obvs missed the passive assertive approach; no need to be aggressive to get the message across.