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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF and the City

415 replies

ThePriceOfSugar · 27/01/2023 14:54

I live in NYC.

A couple of months ago, an old friend got in touch with me for the first time in about a year and expressed that she wanted to come to the US on holiday. I said cool, I'll give you my recommendations for NYC.

Just now, she's said to me "I'm arriving on March 10th and heading to New Orleans on the 17th. Is it still okay for me to stay with you?"

Needless to say, she never even asked. I'm quite breathtaken by the cheek. Last time I saw this girl was 6 years ago, when she....invited herself to stay (different city).

I'm not down to save this girl $2,000 in hotel and convenience bills. But how should I phrase my reply? Hold me back....

OP posts:
buffydavis · 29/01/2023 13:56

^ Excellent. Thank you.

I also live in a popular tourist spot and was astounded initially at the number of bare acquaintances who expected to come and stay, despite the fact we'd not even met for a cup of tea prior to this.

StressedOutMumBex · 29/01/2023 14:02

TinyArsePhone · 27/01/2023 14:59

You just say, oh sorry you must have got crossed wires, I'm not able to host you but X and Y look like nice hotels

This

Pipsquiggle · 29/01/2023 14:08

Well done OP.

Nice civil response.

If she hasn't acknowledged your message in a couple of days, I would definitely send her another message pointing her to accommodation as you don't want her to just show up and plead ignorance. This happened on another thread not so long ago

StressedOutMumBex · 29/01/2023 14:13

Pipsquiggle · 29/01/2023 14:08

Well done OP.

Nice civil response.

If she hasn't acknowledged your message in a couple of days, I would definitely send her another message pointing her to accommodation as you don't want her to just show up and plead ignorance. This happened on another thread not so long ago

I saw that thread it was brilliant

Blondebakingmumma · 29/01/2023 14:25

Does she have your address? Bet she’s going to show up feigning not having seen your message 😳

menopausalbloat · 29/01/2023 14:30

Who the fuck invites themselves to someone's house?
I wouldn't even do this with family.

Kaely · 29/01/2023 14:31

This!!! 😅

GlassBunion · 29/01/2023 17:44

Just waiting for the reply.

Preferfriday · 29/01/2023 17:45

LostInTheColonies · 28/01/2023 22:25

@ThePriceOfSugar

"She's in NZ so will be waking up to this soon."
Aha - a twist! 🇳🇿 Kiwis travel extensively, and are prone to offering hospitality to those they meet & also to people travelling in NZ itself😀And are not in the least perturbed when those they invited do turn up. I'm going to guess that you've been invited to stay? I've been in NZ for a while, and whilst hitching with a friend when I first arrived ended up staying on a farm for a week (we were put to work in a shearing shed!) and then stayed a couple of nights elsewhere.

I'm not saying your friend isn't taking the piss, but it may not be quite as pissy as it seems.

I agree. When I went years ago I was overwhelmed with people offering me to stay with them. Parents and friends of people I just briefly met when living in London for a while (I’m not from the UK). They were really friendly and showed us around everywhere. I’ll always be grateful for all those people, who made me and my friend’s trip a memory for life. We travelled with very little money, but thanks to them we had such a brilliant trip.

That said, your friend should of course have asked..

HumphreysCorner · 29/01/2023 18:03

So, I've only just realised the meaning of CF is not cunty fucker 😂

dragonbreaths · 29/01/2023 18:24

I'm not surprised she's a Kiwi. They're right cheeky bastards for expecting to freeload off people when travelling.

EffortlessDesmond · 29/01/2023 18:25

With full respect to everyone suggesting Kiwis are endlessly welcoming of near strangers into their homes, they don't live in NYC shoebox apartments and work 12 hours a day, mostly. Which most New Yorkers do. You go there to make your career, not to man a till in Duane Reed.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 29/01/2023 18:30

HumphreysCorner · 29/01/2023 18:03

So, I've only just realised the meaning of CF is not cunty fucker 😂

You're not necessarily wrong there. Depends on your audience!

Preferfriday · 29/01/2023 18:31

EffortlessDesmond · 29/01/2023 18:25

With full respect to everyone suggesting Kiwis are endlessly welcoming of near strangers into their homes, they don't live in NYC shoebox apartments and work 12 hours a day, mostly. Which most New Yorkers do. You go there to make your career, not to man a till in Duane Reed.

True. But it’s still an explanation that the friend might not be such a big cf everyone first thought.

We also travelled to Australia, and people were just as friendly there. Even if they just had an old sofa in a small half crappy flat to offer.

Bigboysmademedoit · 29/01/2023 20:00

She’s going to pretend she hasn’t seen it and turn up at your door - that’s my guess. Once she’s there she’ll bank on you accommodating her somehow.

JeepersCreepersWheredYaGetThosePeepers · 29/01/2023 20:04

OP ... out of interest, what would you do if she DID turn up unannounced at your door and said she hadn't seen your message?

dew141 · 29/01/2023 20:10

ReneBumsWombats · 29/01/2023 13:33

There was a thread a while ago where someone pressured OP to let her stay, she said no and the woman turned up anyway with a suitcase. OP and her husband worked in a studio at their home on commission (they had a huge project on which was one reason she'd said no) so they were in the garden and she just ignored all the messages.

Can anyone find it?

CF Acquaintance turned up today despite refusing invite www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4624579-cf-acquaintance-turned-up-today-despite-refusing-invite

Very amusing thread

dew141 · 29/01/2023 20:11

Oops sorry, missed the second post saying it had been found

Mubster · 29/01/2023 21:34

Ah, thank you! I'd thought of: cunt fuck or charming friend. Wrong on both counts! 😃

Original poster
ThePriceOfSugar · 29/01/2023 21:53

I don't think she's deranged enough to just show up. Maybe blag a night when (if) we meet for drinks?

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 29/01/2023 21:56

Well there’s your answer… If you’re not putting her up then she’s not even bothered to respond!….
Just be sure before you open the door that it’s not her!!…… If she turns up be out !

sexbomb · 29/01/2023 22:33

Holy moly. Do not answer the door!

Pseudonamed · 29/01/2023 22:46

LOVING the responses on here. I have an old friend who has messaged me last year with 'Hey doll, exciting news, might get to be back in Ireland next year. Will keep you posted on dates'. Last time they stayed here I nearly drove myself insane. There is no chance of another free holiday so loving the responses on here and going to use some.

Also looking forward to see what your distant pal responds.

Blondeandbrunette · 29/01/2023 23:33

Following to see how this goes!! I think we all need to know! I'm invested now😂

Wires crossed is the most polite way...but this girl knows what she Is doing! She playing dumb...so you play dumber and it will really annoy her. Your not great friends anyway so🖕....

Bleachmycloths · 30/01/2023 04:15

She can’t claim she didn’t see your message if blue double ticked or labelled ‘read’ - can she? In which case you can send her another text saying ‘ I can see you have read my text about my being unable to host so here are the promised recommendations for budget accommodation…’