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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird to go to a concert/holiday with 16 year old daughter?

468 replies

RedLines · 26/01/2023 09:56

I am a father of 4 and only my youngest is at home.
Divorced and have my 16 year old daughter half the time.
I have taken her to a couple of concerts - Billy Eilish etc and have just bought a couple of tickets for another concert, at her request.

My new partner of over a year is very put out by this and thinks it is wierd and unhealthy for a father to be taking his daughter to a concert.

Similarly, I have an interest in a house in Spain and last year went to Spain to the house with her for a fortnight, the other kids were busy and didn't come or there was only a couple of days overlap with my eldest daughter.

My partner thinks that it is really weird that a father goes on holiday alone with his daughter.
For context this is a house that has been in the family for 40 years and has 4 bedrooms and two bathrooms and has been a holiday destination every year for all of the family.

I am blindsided by the position taken by my partner!

Can I ask if

1.) It is unusual or wierd for a father to go to a music concert with his 16 year old daughter

2.)It is unusual or wierd for a father to go on holiday with his 16 year old daughter (she was 15 last summer)

OP posts:
allhailraatma · 26/01/2023 10:58

It's absolutely lovely that your dd wants to do things with you. My dh took my 16 year.old to see wolf Alice last year they had a fab time. Your partner sounds a bit dim.

Pharos · 26/01/2023 10:59

Not remotely weird, I’ve been doing it with my kids individually since they were young - dh isn’t really into music and with 4dc, it’s a great way to spend quality time sharing things we like. Equally, he’s done weekends away with them on city breaks.
One of 18yo ds2’s Xmas presents was a weekend with me in Lille to see Stromae next October.
Her problem, not yours.

Shitfather · 26/01/2023 11:00

How sad she thinks this. You sound like a caring and engaged father.
Would it be word if a mother did these things with a son? No.

She sounds bloody awful and it’s worrying you had to question your own very normal behavior.

Ditch the bitch.

DonnaGiovanna · 26/01/2023 11:02

I have to wonder about her own background OP. How well do you know her in terms of family background? If there isn't some kind of trauma distorting her perception of 'normal' parental behaviour, the culprit has to be jealousy, which can get very toxic very fast. Put your dd first (as I'm sure you do).

Carryonmarion · 26/01/2023 11:03

Not weird, your gf is the weird one. My ex took my daughter to Iceland for her 21st birthday without her brother, I thought it was lovely thing to do, he's been to international football matches with my son so it was nice for them to go away together and do things that interest my daughter. My ex's partner also thought it was great. I'd encourage my husband to do something similar with my DSD.

Newyearnewmeow · 26/01/2023 11:06

Your girlfriend is the weird one and you sound like a brilliant dad, making fantastic memories with your daughter.

MermaidEyes · 26/01/2023 11:06

She has two children herself, both boys, similar ages

And I presume she doesn't take them on holidays and to concerts?

kittensinthekitchen · 26/01/2023 11:07

What a weird stance from your partner. Has she said anything else strange?

I have been taking my 14 year old to concerts recently. We meet up with her 15 year old Internet best friend and gasp her father! He likes the artist and her mother doesn't. He's taken his daughter to multiple festivals and stuff over the past year because he's just more into that sort of thing than his wife and hss a great relationship with his daughter

WandaWomblesaurus · 26/01/2023 11:08

Not weird at all!

AuroraForever · 26/01/2023 11:08

Not weird at all. You’re making some fantastic memories with your DD which will last a lifetime for you and her. Don’t put this at risk because your new partner has a problem with it.

Why is your partner not going with you and DD to events or on holidays? (Apologies if you've already answered this)

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/01/2023 11:08

Not weird these days. I wouldn't have done it in the 70s (the very thought!) but quite normal among my teenage grandchildren and their friends.

Danikm151 · 26/01/2023 11:08

Jealousy!

frankly it’s great that your daughter wants to spend time with you. -a lot of teens wouldn’t.

Unicorn2022 · 26/01/2023 11:09

I think it's lovely that your 16 year old DD wants to spend time socialising and going on holiday with you. So many teens would have asked for the money for concert tickets and gone with a friend.

Don't let this new girlfriend cast aspersions on your lovely relationship with your DD.

Ashleiigh · 26/01/2023 11:09

Your partner is weird. Sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your daughter.

Hoppinggreen · 26/01/2023 11:09

DH went to a concert with 17 year old DD last summer when her BF tested positive for Covid. He taught her how to mosh.
It’s a lovely memory for both of them (took him a week to recover)
Your partner is being awful by making you doubt yourself, get rd of her

bigdecisionstomake · 26/01/2023 11:10

Absolutely not weird at all. My 21 year old DS lives at home with me still and we went away together for a long weekend last year (his brother had work commitments and couldn't come). Your partner is the weird one. Would be interested to hear her reasoning for why she thinks this is weird.

Rugbyfield · 26/01/2023 11:10

Your partner sounds jealous. What you are doing is perfectly normal.

Couldyounot · 26/01/2023 11:12

Only one person acting weird here, OP, and it's not you or your daughter

ICanHideButICantRun · 26/01/2023 11:14

There's only one weird person amongst the three of you and it isn't you or your daughter.

If any partner tried to stop me from having the relationship I was enjoying with my own children then they would be gone, pronto.

PeekAtYou · 26/01/2023 11:15

It's not weird at all. Would she think it was weird if her mum did the same? Bet not.
I remember seeing images of bored dads at One Direction concerts and 2 weeks in Spain sounds great.

Littlewhitecat · 26/01/2023 11:16

Another LTB from me. It's fab you have such a good relationship with your daughter and long may it last. My DH regularly goes to gigs with DD (Sleaford Mods was the last one) and sick horror shared a room with her when taking her to visit universities. Don't let this woman wreck your good relationship.

Brefugee · 26/01/2023 11:16

Divorced and have my 16 year old daughter half the time.
I have taken her to a couple of concerts - Billy Eilish etc and have just bought a couple of tickets for another concert, at her request.

ah, the Dad's row at the back of gigs where teen girls are just starting to get into live music. All standing there in their jeans and tucked-in t-shirts., arms crossed, giving each other the "dad nod". It is A Thing and i flippin' love them

your new partner sounds mean and a bit jealous. you need to decide if her good points override that.

Seasonofthewitch83 · 26/01/2023 11:18

Some of my fave memories with my Dad were gigs and listening to music and having a drink and dance at the pub.

What she is implying is disgusting and being jealous of children is horrible.

I would move her on!

Cherry60 · 26/01/2023 11:19

It's not weird but it is a bit unusual for a Dad to go to a concert I suppose. It's sad that your partner seems to think it's wrong in some way, I assume she had a very different relationship with her parents.

Rainbowshit · 26/01/2023 11:20

Your partner has issues. You sound like you have a lovely healthy relationship with your daughter.

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