Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird to go to a concert/holiday with 16 year old daughter?

468 replies

RedLines · 26/01/2023 09:56

I am a father of 4 and only my youngest is at home.
Divorced and have my 16 year old daughter half the time.
I have taken her to a couple of concerts - Billy Eilish etc and have just bought a couple of tickets for another concert, at her request.

My new partner of over a year is very put out by this and thinks it is wierd and unhealthy for a father to be taking his daughter to a concert.

Similarly, I have an interest in a house in Spain and last year went to Spain to the house with her for a fortnight, the other kids were busy and didn't come or there was only a couple of days overlap with my eldest daughter.

My partner thinks that it is really weird that a father goes on holiday alone with his daughter.
For context this is a house that has been in the family for 40 years and has 4 bedrooms and two bathrooms and has been a holiday destination every year for all of the family.

I am blindsided by the position taken by my partner!

Can I ask if

1.) It is unusual or wierd for a father to go to a music concert with his 16 year old daughter

2.)It is unusual or wierd for a father to go on holiday with his 16 year old daughter (she was 15 last summer)

OP posts:
HamBone · 29/01/2023 17:37

Haven’t RTFT, but your relationship with yourDD is lovely and completely normal. DH and I have two children together, DD 17 and DS 14. We’ve both gone on holiday with them separately, take them out to eat separately, done activities like canoeing with them separately- it’s completely normal and they enjoy having some 1-1 time with a parent.

Your partner sounds jealous and abit paranoid. I’d feel the opposite, it’s a sign that you’re an involved Dad, which is very healthy. Tbh, if her attitude doesn’t change, your relationship isn’t going to work longterm.

Tyson64 · 30/01/2023 02:06

I think you are in a healthy relationship with your daughter, if your daughter is fine with it, then it's not weird at all. If the rolls had been reversed, mother/daughter going to a concert or holiday, I'm sure nothing would have been said. I've known of and seen many mothers and daughters at concerts, why can't a father and daughter do the same. Cheers to you.

warrenmckenzie · 30/01/2023 10:53

To even suggest something is weird between you and your daughter is just totally wrong. I directed Phantom of the Opera for a community theatre group in a town we used to live in, about 400kms away. My daughter won the part of Christine and every week for 4 months we would travel 400kms there and back for me to direct and for her to rehearse. She was 17, going through last year of school, we shared a hotel room because of cost and the only thing she hated was my snoring! The bond I have with my daughter is that of a loving parent, SO IS YOURS. If someone aka your partner has a problem with things, its their hangup and definitely a warning sign. You keep being you, get your daughter to keep being her for when she does get older and stretches her wings, you will cherish the time you had with her. Plain and simple, keep being a great dad.

Buggersticks · 31/01/2023 08:55

What a lovely relationship you have with your daughter! She will always remember all those special times with her dad. It will mean the absolute world to her for the rest of her life. Not sure what your gf problem is, or why she feels the need to behave this way, but she doesn't seem right for you. Be happy....

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 31/01/2023 14:35

Buggersticks · 31/01/2023 08:55

What a lovely relationship you have with your daughter! She will always remember all those special times with her dad. It will mean the absolute world to her for the rest of her life. Not sure what your gf problem is, or why she feels the need to behave this way, but she doesn't seem right for you. Be happy....

This, absolutely

Str3bor · 31/01/2023 15:00

I think there is more to this than what meets the eye

follygirl · 31/01/2023 18:48

I haven't read the whole thread but I think it's lovely that you go out with your daughter and take her on holiday.
I have a son and daughter and my husband and I regularly spend time and go away with one child at a time so that we have quality time and a good relationship with each of them.
I think it's really strange that she has an issue with it, jealousy perhaps?

Original poster
RedLines · 31/01/2023 23:31

Thank you all for your replies.

My partner has explained herself a bit, and said that she never had any type of relationship, and certainy nothing positive, with her own father, who was also involved with/in an inappropriate relationship with a young family member.
I won't say more.

And yes......We did go to the concert on a Sunday.....also yes, I know it was a school night!
We had a great time and ate fish and chips in the car on the way there, and the smell of them is still lingering.

OP posts:
Stewball01 · 01/02/2023 00:21

Oh dump her quick smart. She has a dirty mind and she's jealous of your relationship with DD. She'll try to come between you. I hope she hasn't said anything to DD to make her feel uncomfortable with you.

T1Dmama · 01/02/2023 01:46

I’m not entirely sure I believe her explanation…. Not after she’d said her and all her friends had talked about it and found it inappropriate….. she’s back tracking because you’ve told her about this post?!?
Not sure why people are asking about the concert ??….. the occasional late night out never hurt someone…
Just keep an eye on this OP, I hope no further comments are made by her, and no further demands for permission to take your daughter away!

FrancescaContini · 01/02/2023 01:56

You sound like a fantastic, involved dad. Your partner on the other hand is jealous and controlling.

Please keep putting your daughter first.

NicLondon1 · 01/02/2023 08:30

That is wonderful that she was able to open up to you, and so sad that she couldn’t have a positive experience with her own father. It must be hard for her to see what a really good one can be like.
It sounds like you can keep talking and work through it.

ForgottenNurseryRhymes · 01/02/2023 09:10

Tbh your update doesn't make it better. So she's trying to give your daughter her upbringing? She doesn't want better for a child that has access to better?
That's really sad and quite heartbreakingly awful, in my opinion.

ForgottenNurseryRhymes · 01/02/2023 09:13

I'd suggest she talk to someone tbh. She'd happily ruin your relationship with your child because of her awful childhood rather than appreciate and encourage the wonderfulness you seem to have.

ChampagneLassie · 01/02/2023 09:17

Is her issue that you're not making plans with her / tell her last minute your disappearing for a few days? That's legitimate. If her issue is what your doing with your kids and how much time your spending with them that is not.

LB5189 · 01/02/2023 13:01

Not at all.
I have been with my now husband for nearly 18 years. when he divorced from his first wife, his daughter was also 16 and they did exactly this, he's not much of a concert goer but they did go on holiday as a "reduced family"... people forget the impact this stuff has on the kids (even as teenagers or adults).. and above any defense to this - why the hell can a dad not take his daughter away without there being something to say about it!
from my own experience, my dad used to take me on fishing trips with him and his mates, all men! not many we knew liked fishing! its amazing to be able to bond with your dad so well.. more dads need to do this!!
I would personally be concerned with the individuals who are concerned with a dad spending time with his daughter and for any thought that passes through their mind that isn't decent and loving.

LB5189 · 01/02/2023 13:02

Not many women we knew liked fishing! **

HamBone · 01/02/2023 13:28

If your partner genuinely has no experience of healthy father-child relationships, that could explain why she’s so suspicious. But she’s the one who needs to change her attitude, not you. Sone of my happiest memories with my Dad are going for long walks on the moors, because we both enjoyed being outside and my Mum sadly wasn’t well enough to come with us. It’s great to spend time with one parent, your daughter will treasure these memories in the future.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread