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AIBU?

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Original poster

Weird to go to a concert/holiday with 16 year old daughter?

468 replies

RedLines · 26/01/2023 09:56

I am a father of 4 and only my youngest is at home.
Divorced and have my 16 year old daughter half the time.
I have taken her to a couple of concerts - Billy Eilish etc and have just bought a couple of tickets for another concert, at her request.

My new partner of over a year is very put out by this and thinks it is wierd and unhealthy for a father to be taking his daughter to a concert.

Similarly, I have an interest in a house in Spain and last year went to Spain to the house with her for a fortnight, the other kids were busy and didn't come or there was only a couple of days overlap with my eldest daughter.

My partner thinks that it is really weird that a father goes on holiday alone with his daughter.
For context this is a house that has been in the family for 40 years and has 4 bedrooms and two bathrooms and has been a holiday destination every year for all of the family.

I am blindsided by the position taken by my partner!

Can I ask if

1.) It is unusual or wierd for a father to go to a music concert with his 16 year old daughter

2.)It is unusual or wierd for a father to go on holiday with his 16 year old daughter (she was 15 last summer)

OP posts:
Brrrrrrrrrrrr · 26/01/2023 11:48

As above, move on from this partner. She’s trouble and you know it. The Jealousy and possessive flags are flying at full mast.

GrinAndVomit · 26/01/2023 11:48

Get rid of the girlfriend.
My stepdad did this to my mum. She now has no contact with either of her older children from her previous marriage.

londonrach · 26/01/2023 11:49

Totally normal but huge red flag on the partner. Be warned. She weird. Let her go asap. Your sound a great dad

Pebblesandseaweed · 26/01/2023 11:49

She is jealous or sub consciously sees your daughter as competition .. or she has some history of her own . I’m a mum of boys but I remember travelling independently with my lovely dad who’s sadly now gone , I wouldn’t have missed those opportunities for anything

Justmeandthedog1 · 26/01/2023 11:54

It sounds like you have a brilliant relationship with your daughter. Your partner sounds jealous.

Bogofftosomewherehot · 26/01/2023 11:54

Celebrate and nurture that lovely relationship you have with your daughter.

As for "D"P - kick the jealous witch into touch if she's that insecure and put out.

Dixiechickonhols · 26/01/2023 11:56

Your gf isn’t the one for you.
It’s nice to spend time with your daughter.

SillySausage81 · 26/01/2023 11:58

What have I just read??

It is absolutely NOT weird for a dad to spend time with his daughter. I say this as a woman who grew up with divorced parents so I spent a lot of time just me and my dad as a teenager.

Your partner's view is very sad... I wonder what has given her such a negative view of a normal loving parent-child relationship.

Jimboscott0115 · 26/01/2023 11:58

God no, you're not unreasonable at all. I'm in a very similar situation in terms of 50/50 care, although only one of mine is over 18 but have two daughters and yeah I'd do this in a heartbeat.

For my daughter's 18th, we went out for the day, did a spa trip and then went out for food and a few drinks - because it's normal. I'd happily go on a trip/holiday with her alone but generally because the others are younger that's fairly unlikely.

Your new partner is an idiot in this respect and I'd have all sorts of concerns that she cannot understand a dad/daughter relationship should include holidays, days/nights out etc. I'm guessing she wouldn't have the same concern if it was dad/son or mum/daughter? Because they are all the same scenario, a parent taking their teenager away and doing parent things.

I'm annoyed on your behalf OP, probably because we're in a similar position and I'd find the unspoken message behind her thoughts absolutely disgusting. I couldn't be with someone like that I'm afraid.

SouperWoman · 26/01/2023 11:58

Not weird. Enjoy your time with your DD. 🚩 for your partner - time to consider if she has your DCs best interests at heart

Userchange · 26/01/2023 12:00

I love it when I go out with my dad! I'm 43....

mrsh1807 · 26/01/2023 12:02

I've been away for a couple of short breaks with my eldest son (now 18) and taken just my middle son (15) away for a holiday too, whilst youngest stayed with their dad. Their dad has taken my eldest away for a holiday too, just the 2 of them.

The fact your daughter wants to go with you is something to be celebrated, it is not weird at all!

Carry on enjoying spending this time together for as long as you both want to, it's what I intend doing 😊

Badfootkk · 26/01/2023 12:04

I'm forty and my dad offered to go on holiday with me when my husband wasn't able to get time off work!
It is the first time I have seen the poll at 100 percent! As others have said ditch anyone who thinks like that!

Fleur405 · 26/01/2023 12:05

The only person being weird is your new partner. You sound like a great dad!

RuthW · 26/01/2023 12:08

Perfectly normal

Sunnistery · 26/01/2023 12:09

Please do not second guess what sounds like a wonderful relationship with your precious daughter.

End the relationship you are in now. She is jealous and toxic and will severely harm you and your girl if allowed to.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/01/2023 12:09

You sound like a lovely Dad! Ditch your partner; she really has issues with your daughter.

Keep doing what you're doing.

Siriusmuggle · 26/01/2023 12:10

Not weird. I’ve taken my 19 year old to gigs since he was little, often just the two of us.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/01/2023 12:13

Does she have a history of familial sexual abuse? Because the only way it's "weird" is if she thinks it's "inappropriate" so some element of sexual abuse.

Unless she thinks you're a pervert, exactly what is her problem? And I'd be asking I ntbose terms too.

What if you'd bee widowed and were the only parent your kids had? Should you have kicked them out at puberty to avoid being around them? What if she was a he?

OR she's brig a jealous cow and doesn't think you should spend time with anyone who isn't her.

Either way, I'd be single.

SirVixofVixHall · 26/01/2023 12:14

Cocolapew · 26/01/2023 09:57

You need to dump your partner.
Of course its not weird.

Agree.
I loved doing things with my Dad. My parents were happily married and I have a brother, but sometimes Dad and I would do things together as a twosome, and I really treasure those memories of him (he is no longer alive) .
I have teenage daughters and my DH does things alone with each of them. As do I. It is really nice, it is your partner who is weird. Who on earth is jealous of a Dad spending time with his daughter ?

UnicornsHaveDadsToo · 26/01/2023 12:15

Another father here. Elder 2 are boys (22 and 24), youngest is a girl (11).

It's your partner who's weird, not you, and Mrs Unicorn fully agrees, too!

iusedtohavechickens · 26/01/2023 12:16

Not weird at all, my husband goes to concerts with our 20 year old daughter. They travel abroad for a lot of them as tickets are cheaper over there and it means she gets to travel!

FruitTwistandShake · 26/01/2023 12:20

I think a firm response along the lines of - No it is definitely not weird from me to spend time with my kids - no matter how old they are. I don't stop having an invested interest in my relationship with my daughter just because she is 16. This is your issue not mine, get over it or we will not be able to continue'.

TesterPotQueen · 26/01/2023 12:20

Bless you, NOT weird at all. My daughter is 26 and every year SHE buys tickets for a gig for her and my husband to go to together...she's educating his music tastes! Also going on holiday together is fine, your partner sounds at worst jealous or at best has not come from a close family so just doesn't get it.

Maidsmum · 26/01/2023 12:21

PaintByLetters · 26/01/2023 10:01

I agree with PP - your partner is weird and you should get rid.

I remember at 17 sharing a hotel room with my dad on an odd occasion that he took me to far flung university open days - similarly a couple of times he visited me at uni and slept on the air bed in the same room as me. Nothing weird or untoward - practical and we enjoyed each others company.

All day long!!! I'd be really concerned on why your partner objects to this. Maybe they need to seek help on their very unhealthy perspective to a normal, functioning parent / child relationship

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