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AIBU?

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Original poster

Weird to go to a concert/holiday with 16 year old daughter?

468 replies

RedLines · 26/01/2023 09:56

I am a father of 4 and only my youngest is at home.
Divorced and have my 16 year old daughter half the time.
I have taken her to a couple of concerts - Billy Eilish etc and have just bought a couple of tickets for another concert, at her request.

My new partner of over a year is very put out by this and thinks it is wierd and unhealthy for a father to be taking his daughter to a concert.

Similarly, I have an interest in a house in Spain and last year went to Spain to the house with her for a fortnight, the other kids were busy and didn't come or there was only a couple of days overlap with my eldest daughter.

My partner thinks that it is really weird that a father goes on holiday alone with his daughter.
For context this is a house that has been in the family for 40 years and has 4 bedrooms and two bathrooms and has been a holiday destination every year for all of the family.

I am blindsided by the position taken by my partner!

Can I ask if

1.) It is unusual or wierd for a father to go to a music concert with his 16 year old daughter

2.)It is unusual or wierd for a father to go on holiday with his 16 year old daughter (she was 15 last summer)

OP posts:
Insidelaurashead · 27/01/2023 18:38

When I was a teen, this would've been unusual. I had one friend who did a lot of things with her stepfather, and I remember being really sad that my father didn't want to do things with me.

So, for what it's worth, my answer is unusual, yes, weird, no. Lovely, not weird.

payens · 27/01/2023 18:42

The partner is jealous and controlling, get rid!

Blueink · 27/01/2023 18:43

Both normal and great you have this relationship with your DD and are not prepared to compromise on these activities and trips away.

Unfortunately your DP has ‘red flags’ for controlling and unreasonable behaviour and appears to be ‘gaslighting’ you.

It’s ok for her to ask for you to communicate your plans, but not to undermine you and your relationship with your daughter in this way.

You seem like a lovely dad, but I would be concerned and questioning the relationship with your DP and certainly not taking the commitment any deeper.

Sunflower112 · 27/01/2023 18:46

I’d go to a concert with my dad and we’re not even overly close! Your partner sounds jealous… very strange reaction.

ihaveopinions · 27/01/2023 18:47

She sounds insecure and maybe thinks you've only so much time and energy to go around and you're giving too much to your DD and not enough to her. High maintenance or needy maybe? Only you know if the relationship with the GF is worth the trouble of placating her over this but no way should you stop doing these lovely things with your DD. Is there any way of doing things with the both of them sometimes? Do they get on?

Littlepiggietoes · 27/01/2023 18:47

Your partner sounds a bit mental tbh - needy and jealous.
I am in my 30s, and spend nights away with my Dad quite often (we work together and have to work away regularly), and I cherish that time. We have dinner, catch up, just enjoy each others company. I’m not a teenage girl so we obviously don’t share a room, but I love spending time with my Dad.

Namechange567775 · 27/01/2023 18:50

My dad took me to Paris to scout out flats before I moved when I was 19/20 and then cane to visit and slept on the floor in an air bed loads of times - we’d go out, eat, drink loads of wine and have a great time! Absolute best memories. Get rid of the partner!

Silvers11 · 27/01/2023 18:50

Oh Dear! - No of course it's not weird, unusual or anything else to be spending time with your daughter away doing things, just the two of you.

Does your partner live with you? Have you moved in together? If she hasn't then I would be very careful going down that road until your daughter has actually left home, because to me this is a big red flag and it sounds as if :

a) Your partner is jealous of your daughter and of your relationship with her

b) She is now beginning to try and create a wedge between you and your daughter so that she can have more of your time - especially if you are talking about her moving in.

You clearly care about your daughter, and I would be very wary about your new partner trying to destroy your relationship with your child. Some people can be very manipulative and you have to be very strong to see what they are trying to do, or it is easy to get sucked into doing what they want you to, almost without realising

NeedAHoliday2021 · 27/01/2023 18:50

Dh is taking our 15 yo to a concert in February half term while I stay home with dd2&3. We asked if she wanted to go with a friend and dh offered to drive them (2 hours away) and be at the venue but not with them but Dd said she wanted to just go with dh. Totally normal and lovely she wants to hang out with her dad. Your girlfriend sounds jealous. Do not let her ruin your relationship with your Dd!

hippo100285 · 27/01/2023 18:53

It sounds like your partner is jealous of your relationship with your daughter, and is trying to get you to stop spending quality time with her.
Probably need to consider ditching the girlfriend if she can’t get over it.

Stopcomplainingandsortit · 27/01/2023 18:55

How in heck have you managed a relationship of over a year with someone so weirdly jealous of your Daughter?? No its not wrong or weird to enjoy a close and loving relationship with your own child. Would it be weird or wrong if a Mum was asking the question of her and her son? How is your partner with your Daughter? Do they generally get on?

jamimmi · 27/01/2023 18:59

Mum to15 yr dd . Keep the daughter ditch the girlfriend. You sound as if you have a great relationship with dd.

SpentDandelion · 27/01/2023 19:01

It's lovely that you spend time together.
I am a widow of 10 years and yet to meet a man not jealous of my two sons, always some snidy or underhanded remark when they haven't even met them, l keep that side of my life totally seperate.
Your partner sounds insecure and jealous, has she not got much of a life without you ?
Please don't let her spoil your relationship with your daughter, your children will always be in your life where as partners can come and go.

Lovely13 · 27/01/2023 19:03

She’s obviously jealous. Your daughter is lucky to have such a nice dad who does fun things with her. Would speak to your girlfriend and explain your relationship with your kids is top of your agenda. If she can’t handle it, she needs to walk away.
BTW. Went to Big Weekend with adult son. He did keep hood up for ages in case anyone realised he was there with ancient mother! It’s now one of our best memories.

BeverlyHa · 27/01/2023 19:08

A blunt message: this woman is mentally not ok and almost accuses you of what? A father can take his kids anywhere. AS PEOPLE SAID: DUMP HER, NOW.

WimbyAce · 27/01/2023 19:10

Sounds like she is jealous. It's lovely that you have such a good relationship with your daughter.

Clammyclam · 27/01/2023 19:11

Not weird at all
Enjoy having such a positive relationship with your DD. It's good for both of you.

Growing up I didn't have a close relationship with my dad and saw friends who did as being weird-
Not because it's a male female situation just that I thought all daughters had a similar relationship to their dad that I did - quite stand offish and aloof.

I was very wrong

I was the weird one- I didn't like spending time with my dad.

My own DD has a Fabulous relationship with her dad and they go to gigs together and none of us would bat an eyelid if they went on a trip just the two of them.

My DSis had the same relationship as I did with our Dad and she felt my DD relationship with my husband (her Dad) was odd as she felt they were too close- this changed when she had her own DD interestingly.

We had the weird relationship or very little of a relationship with our Dad so maybe your partner is coming at this from the same angel? I'm not condoning her behaviour but looking for a reason.

Maybe She just needs to see a positive father daughter relationship?

Have a wonderful trip with your DD

MadeForThis · 27/01/2023 19:13

She's jealous of your daughter and wants you to spend your time with her.

She has a very unhealthy attitude and I would doubt she could have a positive relationship with your dd.

toxic44 · 27/01/2023 19:16

Your partner is implying your behaviour with your daughter is improper. I doubt she believes that. It's a ploy to make you uneasy and anxious about what people might say or think about it. Once you're nervous to be alone with your daughter, you might reduce contact. That is your partner's objective. It's a form of gaslighting.

NannaKaren · 27/01/2023 19:22

Bin the ‘partner’ they are jealous !
i feel for your DD.
what a great Dad you are keep doing what you are doing - lucky DD

Londontown12 · 27/01/2023 19:23

You are NOT weird ! Your partner is !
Does your partner have children ?
my dads partner said this to him about our relationship we were so close he brought me up on his own !
we don’t have a relationship anymore because she couldn’t stand how close we were and that makes me sad he chose her over myself ! ( she has no children )
Dont lose your children over this jealous partner x

NicLondon1 · 27/01/2023 19:27

Everyone is saying the partner is controlling, but it is also possible she has been a victim of abuse in her own family…? I would ask her and start that conversation, if she is not controlling in other ways

Chubbymoo · 27/01/2023 19:28

So not weird!! She’s your daughter for Christ’s sake!! I think it’s lovely that you want to spend that time with her, you sound like a great dad

Changechangychange · 27/01/2023 19:29

Who on earth is your daughter meant to go on holiday with, if not her parents?

I went on holiday with my mum and my son before Christmas. I went away with my husband and my son on my birthday, will be going away with my mum, brother, and son in half term, and with just my son over Easter (none of these trips are to particularly glamorous destinations). Should I have booked a babysitter and gone by myself? Your partner is weird.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 27/01/2023 19:33

I agree with everyone else, but after your update about going to Cornwall without telling her, I find that a bit strange, that you didn't mention it until after you'd been. Maybe it's the fact that you don't tell her your plans that she finds weird, rather than where you go with your DD.

And of course it's lovely for you to take DD to a restaurant. Do you take your GF out too? Your comment makes it sound as if you take DD but not her. It's a question of putting effort into both relationships.

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