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AIBU?

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Original poster

Weird to go to a concert/holiday with 16 year old daughter?

468 replies

RedLines · 26/01/2023 09:56

I am a father of 4 and only my youngest is at home.
Divorced and have my 16 year old daughter half the time.
I have taken her to a couple of concerts - Billy Eilish etc and have just bought a couple of tickets for another concert, at her request.

My new partner of over a year is very put out by this and thinks it is wierd and unhealthy for a father to be taking his daughter to a concert.

Similarly, I have an interest in a house in Spain and last year went to Spain to the house with her for a fortnight, the other kids were busy and didn't come or there was only a couple of days overlap with my eldest daughter.

My partner thinks that it is really weird that a father goes on holiday alone with his daughter.
For context this is a house that has been in the family for 40 years and has 4 bedrooms and two bathrooms and has been a holiday destination every year for all of the family.

I am blindsided by the position taken by my partner!

Can I ask if

1.) It is unusual or wierd for a father to go to a music concert with his 16 year old daughter

2.)It is unusual or wierd for a father to go on holiday with his 16 year old daughter (she was 15 last summer)

OP posts:
piedbeauty · 27/01/2023 23:56

Not at all weird

Your partner is trying to separate you and your dd

Be very careful

Mamanyt · 28/01/2023 00:03

I'm sorry to say this, but I agree with so many others. This is a big red flag....not for your actions, which are normal and wholesome, but for your partner's reaction, which is not. Either your partner is jealous of your relationship with your daughter, or your partner sees something sexual about something that is not. NEITHER of these bodes well for your future with your partner. I'd think twice about the relationship. And get the hell out.

ReallyTryingTo · 28/01/2023 02:57

You're not weird. Your partner is though!

Namechangefail1234 · 28/01/2023 03:23

Sounds like jealousy to me.
Your daughter is a year older than mine.
She goes to gigs with me, and sometimes with her dad alone. Its been a lovely bonding experience.
I think as they grow older the things we do with our children become different.
Taking her to gigs and on holidays to family owned homes, just seems normal to me, good quality time that your daughter will no doubt enjoy with you.
If you have any queries, ask your daughter if she enjoys the time but your partner sounds a bit strange from these views.

Absolute highlight of DDs year was when her dad took her to see the red hot chili peppers, more so than the trips we took to see the Kings of leon or the kaiser chiefs, because time with Dad without me and her baby brother is so much rarer

aloeleaf · 28/01/2023 03:32

Keep doing these things with your daughter for as long as you and your daughter wish. My Dad and I went on holiday just the two of us from when I was 13 until my mid 30s and they were my best ever holidays. He's now very ill. I am so grateful for the memories I have of our times together and I think my Dad is too.

McBoatyFace · 28/01/2023 03:52

I find it weird that any parents go to concerts with the kids at that age only because when I was 16, we went alone and wouldn’t have been seen dead with parents. But times change and this is seemingly normal now!

Fluffygoon · 28/01/2023 04:00

My DH was very Involved with our son’s football when he was young and worried about how to bond with our daughter and girly stuff….. until she started horse riding (which he did when growing up). They go off to loads of horse shows together and it’s great they have that bond.

OP- for you to put the question on this forum you must know deep down your partner’s behaviour is controlling. Listen to your instincts - this will probably be the thin end of a very thick wedge she’s trying to drive between you and your daughter.

DarthTater3 · 28/01/2023 06:53

Completely normal. My dad used to take me to things on our own, he once took me all round Europe with him. I really valued the time with him and now I’m older I value the memories. Your partner sounds a bit weird and controlling. Think you need to turn this back on them and find out why they have such an issue with something so normal and in fact lovely. Or just get rid. I suppose it depends if on balance the partner brings mostly good things to your life and therefore it’s worth working on this one issue, or if in fact they are largely a pain in the ass.

Original poster
RedLines · 28/01/2023 07:00

Thank you all so much for all the responses, I genuinely feel quite overwhelmed by peoples kindness.
The reason I posted the question here because we had quite a heated row over this and I was taken aback by the vitriol over something that I saw as entirely innoccent and part of normal parenting.

She told me all her friends would agree with her that it was weird and to ask a dozen people myself to see how wrong I was, I couldn't think of anyone in my circle who would agree with her and wanted to ask an impartial and anonomous group.....(actually when I say impartial, I think that there might occassionaly be a bit of bias on here with a slight anti-male lean!)

I was expecting four or five replies and am blown away by the volume and by the unanimity of the responses.

Going to Cornwall was spontaneous during half term, I had to work and my sister suggested that we go down and she would take my daughter horseriding so she wasn't stuck at home. As I was working from home, the location was indifferent from my perspective and it would be more fun for her, and get her out of the house and into fresh air!

I have made an effort with my partner's two boys. We made some home smoked salmon together last month and they have poked around in a beehive with me a few times. I have been assiduous in not criticising her own parenting, where she does things differently to me, I think on the whole she is actually a very good engaged mother.

I have not always got the balance right in putting my childrens needs ahead of my own but my relationship with my kids is negotiable. Especially as I may only have a couple more years of her at home....

I have a lot to digest here and some difficult discussions ahead.
Thank you all so much.

OP posts:
Queenofheart · 28/01/2023 07:11

Your relationship with your daughter sounds amazing. Me and one of my sons go out to eat together, we go for walks, drinks, watch films and spend time together, we love it. I would have a huge problem if my DH had an issue with this! I agree with the majority here, your partner is jealous and don’t let her try and convince you 12 or so other people would agree with her, I think you’d find they wouldn’t.

I wish my dad was like you. He was up until I was 18, we did lots together, then he met his new partner and I was pretty much dumped, we now don’t have much of a relationship at all and that upsets me, don’t do this to your daughter, you sound a fab dad!

Norma27 · 28/01/2023 07:32

My husband takes our 16 yr old daughter to concerts and our 8 year old can’t wait to join them. I think it’s lovely and don’t let your partner tell you otherwise.

Norma27 · 28/01/2023 07:36

I also have stepchildren who are now grown up but would never have dreamed of telling my husband he was wrong for spending time with them.
You sound like an amazing dad. I was lucky to have a relationship like that with my dad too.

Fightingbackwithhappiness · 28/01/2023 07:43

You sound like a super dad and I agree with the others that she is jealous and controlling.
having been in a relationship with someone like that, I recommend strongly that you leave. People like that seldom change and the stress of trying to please them is very hard to live with. You need someone who loves you for who you are and not someone who’s trying to manipulate everything you do.

Alimid · 28/01/2023 08:44

Not odd at all. So nice that your daughter wants to spend time with you. Sounds a very healthy relationship.

Think you need to explore with your partner what she is really thinking or meaning.

Enjoy this time with your daughter

RocassaCH · 28/01/2023 08:58

Spot-on! Ditch the partner soonest.

Simonjt · 28/01/2023 08:59

Does she think only children never go on holiday or day trips etc?

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 28/01/2023 09:09

There are many single dads parents about. I find her attitude so odd... I would find it find it a lovely trait in a man who likes to spend holidays with his daughter...my brother does this with one of his 4 young adult daughters as they like similar holidays. He's very happily married to a less adventurous woman.

Gemma2003 · 28/01/2023 09:24

I can't believe this - my husband does heaps of things with our 17 year old daughter - weekends away, concerts, films etc. What on earth is weird about that? She sounds like she is jealous and trying to ruin your relationship.

threatmatrix · 28/01/2023 11:09

What you are doing with your daughter is fantastic, I wish more dads would do this. Your partner has problems and I’d be thinking twice about staying with her. I’m always telling my partner that I shouldn’t be involved in everything he does with his daughter as she needs daddy daughter time without me. Please please please, keep doing what you’re doing.

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 28/01/2023 11:10

My Dad died when I was 22 and I would love memories like this to look back on. Your girlfriend is controlling.

Lindos · 28/01/2023 11:12

You sound like a great dad and your partner is the 100% unreasonable one. She sounds jealous and I have first-hand experience of this situation. My stepmother has tried to drive a wedge between me and my father for decades. All based on her ridiculous jealousy. Nip this in the bud.

Gingernan · 28/01/2023 11:27

It's not weird at all,it's normal and nice! My bf had custody of his daughters when he divorced and of course went on holiday with them, even went clubbing with them occasionally when they were older. No more odd than me going to a music festival with my kids.
I'm really proud that he was and is such a good dad and have never been remotely jealous.

worstusernameeverx2 · 28/01/2023 11:48

Your partner is weird

Angrywife · 28/01/2023 12:54

Absolutely not and it's fantastic that you and your daughter want to share those things together!

Divorcedalongtime · 28/01/2023 13:34

No, it’s normal to do all these things for as long as the kids want to (I have a 17 year old and there are more no than yes these days) and if your girlfriend is trying to dissuade you from this j would wonder what her motives really are.. sounds like she is trying to break your bond out of jealousy

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