To think it’s a bit daft to give your kids their dads surname?

[Thesystemonlydreamsintotaldarkness]

If a woman gives birth to a child. Why the fuck should she give the child it’s fathers surname rather than her own. Especially if they are not married

Amen sister

Traditionally a baby would be given the mother's surname and because the mother was usually married and had taken her husbands name then the child would have the same surname as it's father.

Agreed. Now my child has this idiots surname - to make it worse, its double barrelled, both from his dads side and I can't stand his enabling mother - yet my child has her surname also (his grandma).

I don't like my surname so giving him mine wasn't an option for me - and I was in 'love'

Lesson learnt!

Never understood this. Enraging - men picking the best bits if the “traditional”
set up without taking any of the legal responsibility. No ring no surname matey.

Totally agree we were having this exact conversation at work today

Exactly why my eldest has mine and my youngest has both. Had split with ds1's father before he was born, spill will ds2's now. Big row over wanting him in his name I said its both or mine end of story.

Interesting. I never knew this. So it was effectively the choice of the mother that dictated the baby surname.

So my child could have my father's surname or my husbands?

I'm not sure 'daft' is the right word!

The system where we recognise the ownership of women and children by men, according to surnames, it obviously pretty dodgy. But then, most people these days aren't actually using surnames to show that they're someone else's property, so ..

FWIW my DD has my name, and I never gave birth to her; her mother and I chose to hyphenate our names. Don't most people make a choice?

Personally, I did it because we were engaged at the time of her early birth.

Easy enough to change her birth cert once married so we all have the same name.

But, you're absolutely right. No marriage in sight, I dunno why you would.

I think it bothers me so much when men “dangle” the carrot of marriage over women. Get her pregnant. Insist of being “traditional” and the kid taking their surname. And then the man fucks off a couple of years later.

no idea why this is bothering me so much! DD has a double barrelled surname but is known by my surname

Valid point.

Because the father had a screaming fit and insisted it was his name only and I wasn't able to stand my ground a few days after a c-section.

Because it's just a name and really I didn't care either way? I wasn't overly attached to my own. I don't see it as a status thing.

They could have your surname. Do you not recognise that you have a name as well, or do you just defer to the men in your life?

How is it a valid point when she is stating that women don’t have names. Note that she doesn’t say ‘my father in law’s name’. Oh no. Her husband’s name is absolutely his own. No, it’s just her, no name of her own, under her father’s patriarchal hand.

it’s either my name and my husbands name or my fathers name and my father in laws name. If you’re going to be rampantly sexist at least be consistent about it.

Hahahahaha. Said all the men. With their lovely Names.

I think it bothers me so much when men “dangle” the carrot of marriage over women. Get her pregnant. Insist of being “traditional” and the kid taking their surname. And then the man fucks off a couple of years later
How representative of all relationships do you think this is?

Thing is, if you're married then you're not really going to give your child your surname prior to marriage are you?
Different these days where its accepted that people aren't married and you can choose to give them your surname. Unfortunately you'll still get called 'Mrs' which I have now given up being annoyed about as is a waste of good energy!

Let's play a quiz

My surname when I was born came from..... ?

So unless every creates a new surname I presume most people's came from a male?

If your parents aren't married you could have your mother's. If they are married then you could also have your mother's.

Oh right okay, ‘it was really shit and sexist once, we should 100% work hard to keep it like that’ is that getting the quiz right?

Let’s play another quiz: can we change things to make shit things better? Or should we just languish under the patriarchy because it Once Was Like That So, You Know.

MademoiselleTrunchbull · Today 23:09
WandaWonder · Today 22:59
So my child could have my father's surname or my husbands?

If your parents aren't married you could have your mother's. If they are married then you could also have your mother's.”

Or your grandfather’s, in other words.

I could have but I didn't, but my mother's surname came from her father

TBH it's kind of a first world problem/white feminist fixation IMHO.