To think it’s a bit daft to give your kids their dads surname?

[Thesystemonlydreamsintotaldarkness]

If a woman gives birth to a child. Why the fuck should she give the child it’s fathers surname rather than her own. Especially if they are not married

As Caitlin Moran would say " does this issue affect men equally?"
If it's such a non- issue why do unmarried men care if their child whom they live with (or even sometimes don't) overwhelmingly not just want but expect that child to have their surname ?

I don’t think it is stupid. It is as good a reason as any. I was irritated by someone else’s comment and more vehement than I should have been. Sorry!

My kids have their Dad's surname. He wanted to get married, I didn't (still don't, 33 years on, though we are still together) so gave the kids his name as a sign of my commitment at the time. Seems a little odd now when I think about it. They have my surname as a middle name (not double barrelled).

Not all cultures have surnames. Where I come from we use initials and never expand them. It usually contains - place of origin, fathers name , mother name and given name.
for example - C. D. A. Elizabeth - would be Cambridge, Daniel, Alice.

You could drop fathers name if you don't want to keep it and no one bats an eyelid.

Bingo!

My children have my name.

Bingo ?

Is it true that it can cause problems at border checks if you don’t have the same surnames as your dc? I was told this by a friend. I’m married to their father but kept my name upon marriage, but the dc did get his name as it felt ‘fairer’ IDK why. I suppose because I birthed them it felt like he should get some kind of claim as they are half his! They’ve got both my grandmothers maiden names as middle names but I do slightly regret not putting in my surname as it’s a good one and looking likely they might be the only offspring from me and siblings.

My children have my name.

Ex's aunt told me it was 'generous' of him 😂

Don't know why I would give them the name of someone who sees them one day a week at his parents' house

I honestly can’t get worked up about a name. You can give a child any name you please. Doesn’t even need to be either the mother or the fathers surname if you don’t want or can be both.

I am adopted so change by name when I was 7. I then changed it when I married. So for me a surname is not about ownership but more about creating a family.

I chose to give my eldest my husbands name (we weren’t married at the time) but I know equally if I had insisted on my name he would have been upset but would have agreed. Maybe that’s the problem, don’t have kids with arseholes who won’t have a calm proper discussion about it.

A friend of mine recently had a baby. Her partner won't marry her, yet would "not allow" baby to have mum's last name. Made my blood boil but I somehow kept my opinions to myself.

Because im married to dh and want us all the have the same surname

Yep, totally agree! Seems totally bizarre to me.

I'm married and have kept my name. My kids have their dad's surname because we live in his country where my surname is difficult for people to spell and pronounce. My son has a version of my surname as his first name (think Johnson -> John) and my daughter has the same middle name as me which has been passed down 6 generations of our maternal line unbroken, outlasting five surnames. Sometimes given names are more enduring.

Maternity is always certain. And usually children are close with the mother’s family. Having the father’s surname is a way to affirm that the child is (also) part of the father’s side of the family. It creates a balance.

I'm not married to DP (although we are recently engaged). We will keep our existing surnames and our kids have both. Doesn't seem to cause much confusion. My DP gets called 'Mr Mysurname' more often than I get called 'Mrs Hissurname' but we just correct if needed. The kids can decide what they want to do about their surnames if and when they get married.

Agree with this totally. (And I’m a Mrs DH name with DH name kids. I chose to change my name when we got married - and then the kids had my name when they came along.) The “it’s traditional” thing is absolute crap. The traditional thing was marriage!

As in yes, correct. An expression of agreement.

I married and took my dh's surname. When I took it, it became my name and I gave it to my children. Had I not married I'd have given them my original surname. Nevertheless, I don't know why my current surname should be considered any the less mine because I chose it.

No, makes no sense to me at all, along with taking your husband's name on marriage and then moaning when you receive a letter addressed to Mrs John Grey but your name is Susan. It's a place holder title not an identity: Mistress (Wife) of John Grey, (whoever the fuck she may be).

I thought Bingo as in all the old tropes eg: mumsnet bingo.

Oh, yay. I'll just lumber my children with the name of a child abuser, then. Purely on the basis of them having a vaguely functioning uterus and the conviction that the latest infant is a cute new toy to carry about until it develops thoughts and then must be beaten regularly.

This type of thread can be quite annoying when it forgets that women can be cunts to kids, particularly when they ensure they are the only ones with rights.

My dd has my surname and my ds has their dad's. - just to mix it up!

No, although you're right that this has been identified as some MNers as a bingo card topic (my name wasn't really mine either but DHs is his, my partner's name was nicer than mine, my partner's name was easier to pronounce etc). So I should've chosen a better expression of support!

@User98866 yep, the border thing is most definitely an issue, I got pulled over for quite daunting questioning travelling with dc1 as wasn't married to the father at the time.

Event more screwed up is when we did marry, we had to reregister both DCs births to "legitimatise" them so now when I travel I have my marriage certificate and both their effectively defunct birth certificates as have been asked for both before now when travelling without H as I still use my maiden name.