To think it’s a bit daft to give your kids their dads surname?

[Thesystemonlydreamsintotaldarkness]

If a woman gives birth to a child. Why the fuck should she give the child it’s fathers surname rather than her own. Especially if they are not married

[ComfortablyDazed]

Yes, yes, the man always has a ‘much nicer name’. Funny that….

I wonder if any of these men have …. sisters.

Let me guess - even their husband’s have ‘much nicer name’?

[atoxk]

@RiverSkater

Because women and children were the property of men in law. Not so anymore.

But the tradition continues.

At school kids have teachers who are miss or Mrs. They are defining women by their marriage status from day one. Whether they keep their own name or not.

[TheOriginalEmu]

We did consider the old welsh naming system of ap/ab or merch/ferch my first name but ultimately decided against it.

[TheOriginalEmu]

@ComfortablyDazed

Yes, yes, the man always has a ‘much nicer name’. Funny that….

I wonder if any of these men have …. sisters.

Let me guess - even their husband’s have ‘much nicer name’?

Consider that we may have associations with our own names that we don’t have with someone else’s. I didn’t grow up being teased about his name. I didn’t grow up with stupid rhymes being made up about his name. My useless father didn’t have his name… That could well be why I genuinely believe his name is better than mine…surely that’s understandable and valid?

[BloodAndFire]

@Mamaneedsadrink

For me ... racism. My DC is mixed race and his father has a very traditional surname, think Smith. I figure he's better off on paper with this surname ie on his CV. Sad but true. Unconscious bias and all that.

Opposite decision to me but related reasons.

I'm not white British, my husband is, and he has a very traditional British surname.

My children are half me and my history is theirs too. My surname is unique and I've researched its history and taken my daughter to the place my family is named after. I didn't want them to just be absorbed into the mass of Joneses and I would like to preserve their non white British heritage too.

I am sympathetic to your reasoning and appreciate you wanting to protect your children from prejudice but it's very sad.

[BloodAndFire]

@atoxk

At school kids have teachers who are miss or Mrs. They are defining women by their marriage status from day one. Whether they keep their own name or not.

My daughter has an art teacher this term who is a Ms and the girls (at least my daughter) love her for it.

I've never been a Miss or a Mrs.

[BloodAndFire]

@ConcordeOoter

It is a traditional link a father gets, passing the name down, and if there is no marriage the decision to do it will tend to be the mother's: not coincidentally is also an explicit, private and public statement that he is liable and responsible for what happens to them, which in the absence of having carried and mothered them is probably no bad thing.

Families and relationships are complex, so if it's a good fit do it, if it isn't, don't.

not coincidentally is also an explicit, private and public statement that he is liable and responsible for what happens to them,

not coincidentally it also has no legal standing whatsoever nor does it carry any kind of liability or responsibility.

But what a great way for a man to get his macho kudos without taking on any actual commitment.

A decent man will take responsibility for his children regardless of their surname. And a shit one won't, again regardless of them carrying his name.

[BloodAndFire]

@TheOriginalEmu

Why the fuck not? That’s my question.

my own reasons:
not really a fan of my name.
They have first and middle names that reflect my heritage so it’s nice to have a surname that reflects his.
his is a much nicer name.
my last name sounds weird with most names.

Imagine if you'd had a brother!

[BloodAndFire]

@Wiluli

All of my kids have my surname , if I get married I will keep my surname . I don’t buy into the bigotry that comes with having to accept a man’s name .

Preach!

[BertaHoon]

@MademoiselleTrunchbull

Interesting. I never knew this. So it was effectively the choice of the mother that dictated the baby surname.

Eh?

[NoFlowersForEmily]

I did it and regret it a little bit, it's a nice name with tenuous links to my own family heritage.
My surname is double barreled and I didn't want to break it up to give Ds one name over the other.
If I ever had another one (very very unlikely) they would get my double barreled surname.

[BertaHoon]

Mine both have my surname as I never married. My granddaughter has my surname because they made a deal - baby (my son's) got our surname and she could choose first name.

I did tell her she should give baby her surname, but there's no sense in talking to kids about kids 🙄

[MissTrip82]

@WandaWonder

So my child could have my father's surname or my husbands?

Surely by this logic you mean your father-in-law’s? Or not his I suppose if we carry your reasoning further - his great great grandfathers?

I’m sure you can’t possibly mean what you’ve said here - that your name can only ever be your father’s but your husband’s name is his own. Really? No woman’s name can ever be hers by this reasoning; every man’s is his, however.

Nobody’s internalised misogyny is that great, surely.

[atoxk]

If you aren't miss or Mrs then that's great. That's my point. Mr is an adult and should respect them. Ms is the way forward then, as doesn't matter if miss or Mrs, woman's marital status is irrelevant

[DaisyCornflowerBlue]

I got my surname from my Dad, which is long and usually mispronounced. My mum's surname is shorter and snappier. I wish I'd had it. Then I adopted my husband's surname to get rid of the one from my Dad. My daughter has her Dad's (my husband's) surname. It's a very traditional set-up but I really didn't want my daughter to have the surname my Dad gave to me.

My parents are married and my Mum adopted Dad's surname on marriage.

My brother's kids have the long mispronounced surname. Their mum has a nicer surname (not married to my brother) but sometimes she uses our surname for ease.

None of us can double barrel because it would sound like Daisy Worthington-Simmons (not real) which is just too long.

[AcrossthePond55]

I guess if we wanted to truly 'break the patriarchy' as far as surnames go, at age 18 each female should choose a new surname, one that is not related to any male forbear. Because at this point in time, most of our female relatives have names from their male antecedents, so if we were to choose one of their names, it'd still be a 'male-derived' name.

[RoseHansBolo]

I would Never!

[GreeceIsTheWord]

In Spain you traditionally have two surnames.

The first surname is paternal and comes from the father, while the second surname is maternal and comes from the mother.

Spanish women do not change their name when they marry, and offspring are given the first surname of both their parents – regardless of whether their parents are married or not.

[PooHeads]

@Johnnysgirl

I think it bothers me so much when men “dangle” the carrot of marriage over women. Get her pregnant. Insist of being “traditional” and the kid taking their surname. And then the man fucks off a couple of years later
How representative of all relationships do you think this is?

This is exactly what happened to me

[sashh]

One of my friends gave her son his father's surname because hers was embarassing.

I think Ed Balls' children have their mother's surname for a similar reason.

[TheOriginalEmu]

@BloodAndFire

Imagine if you'd had a brother!

😂😂😂 Fair point. What I meant was ‘it sounds weird with names WE LIKED’. That’ll teach me to type things whilst distracted.

[MrsMikeDrop]

@GreeceIsTheWord

In Spain you traditionally have two surnames.

The first surname is paternal and comes from the father, while the second surname is maternal and comes from the mother.

Spanish women do not change their name when they marry, and offspring are given the first surname of both their parents – regardless of whether their parents are married or not.

I like this 👌

[Userchange]

I don't know how my childs life will be or where she will travel and I didn't want to put her in a position where she had to explain not having her fathers last name. I am married and I really like my last name so I did have doubts aboutthis for quite a few months during pregnancy but ended up choosing tradition for the easier life for her.

[LikeAStar1994]

I've got my Dad's surname. I didn't give a shit when I was a baby and I still don't give a shit now.

What a stupid thing to get hysterical about.

[magicthree]

I really couldn't care less. My surname is mine, and I don't care who it belonged to beforehand. Of all the issues facing the world at present this is the last thing I would be worrying about. It's been happening for a long time, and most people seem happy enough with it.