To think it’s a bit daft to give your kids their dads surname?

[Thesystemonlydreamsintotaldarkness]

If a woman gives birth to a child. Why the fuck should she give the child it’s fathers surname rather than her own. Especially if they are not married

Yeah, I find it hilarious when you get women who make a big deal about ‘keeping their own names’ on getting married and look down on women who changes theirs.

Who then have children and promptly give the children their father’s surname.

Yeah, really smashing the patriarchy.

Alternatively, you could do what I did and marry a bloke with the same surname as your own.
Problem solved.

Actually I was stopped trying to re-enter the UK with my children (whilst married to their father) as the surnames on the passports didn't match.

why do you as an adult not own your own surname but your husband as an adult owns his own surname. In your opinion?

by your weird logic it should be your father‘s surname or your father in law’s surname.

or your surname or your husband‘s surname.

My reasons:

1. We live in dh country which isn't very diverse. Getting jobs/apprenticeships is near impossible if you have a foreign name.
2. The first names are so ugly I wanted to give them an English name.
3. One name from each culture is a reflection of our family
4. Our names if double barreled would be an invitation to bullies

Couldn’t agree more

Yeah but let's be blunt - from threads here there are a lot of women with no clue about this stuff. Unless you're the higher earner by a long way, having a baby unmarried and then scaling down your work to look after the child is a really dim thing to do. By comparison the name thing is small beer.

This does mean that with each subsequent generation the maternal name is dropped whilst the paternal name moves on.

Still a patriarchal system.

I didn’t change my name. It wasn’t about smashing the patriarchy. I just wanted to keep my own name. I really don’t understand why women change their names. It is completely illogical unless you hate your name.

I didn’t change my name. It wasn’t about smashing the patriarchy. I just wanted to keep my own name. I really don’t understand why women change their names. It is completely illogical unless you hate your name.

Its so much easier for school, doctor's appointments if names match.
'

I've got my husbands name. Because I wanted to.

My sons got my husbands name. Because I wanted him to.

Wanted to. I like it. My decision. Good on ya if you do things differently. I don't care. But please don't assume those of that do are little brow beaten women following the commands of ours leaders/men.

I think in our case we were going to get married but I didn’t want to in the end. We’re still together so it doesn’t upset me, but I do agree with the being young and in love sentiment. Decades later we all look back and wonder what the fuck we were thinking, about lots of things.

😂It would be so much easier for administrators if we were all called something easy to spell, familiar, or perhaps even a number! Are you seriously saying this is a good reason to change your name? Our non-matching names have had zero impact on our medical care, education, travel etc. When I ring up for a doctors appointment, I give my name and DOB, my husband gives his name and DOB and we give the children’s name and DOB. I assume this happens with matching name people as well.

Ultimately like so many things it's a balance between expediency (eg: same name throighout the family , everyone knows who the baby's father is, easier for school, passports etc) and feminist principles. I hold my hand up and say I did it, gave DS his father's name before we were married, I don't think I really gave it that much thought, but I'm not sure I'd do it again. In the event we married 18 months later and I go by Mrs Married name in everything to do with the children, although use Prof Madien name professionally.

Well it may be stupid, but that's why I did it.

Omg I know. The things I know now.

No it isn't.

I found it so, see above about trying to reenter the country. also DH (the man I live with) is my DC's father so I wanted that to be clear and unfortunately in our patriarchal society the easiest way to communicate that quickly and effectively is having the same surname.

Now I think there is a very good argument that the DCs should the mother's name and allow the father all the faff of the different surname problem, but to suggest it is a non issue is disingenuous.

Sorry should have the mother's name.

Well perhaps the dazzled woman should be brought up to respect herself and not have children with any old joe?

It’s optional if you don’t want to do it then don’t
Problem solved

For me it just came down to who has the nicer surname. My ex had a better surname than me so our children have his name. I asked them when they were older what they thought if they had been given my name and they were No Thanks we prefer dad’s name (which I agree with).

Then by all means say you found it so, and be clear you're speaking about your own family's experiences. You can do that without universalising them like you did there.

And it's been a complete non issue in my household, as it happens, so me saying that can't be disingenuous unless you're being disingenuous too.

It really is a complete non-issue.