If a woman gives birth to a child. Why the fuck should she give the child it’s fathers surname rather than her own. Especially if they are not married
AIBU?
To think it’s a bit daft to give your kids their dads surname?
Thesystemonlydreamsintotaldarkness · 25/01/2023 22:53
Am I being unreasonable?
457 votes. Final results.
POLLyourenottheonlyone · 26/01/2023 08:16
@User98866 yep, the border thing is most definitely an issue, I got pulled over for quite daunting questioning travelling with dc1 as wasn't married to the father at the time.
Event more screwed up is when we did marry, we had to reregister both DCs births to "legitimatise" them so now when I travel I have my marriage certificate and both their effectively defunct birth certificates as have been asked for both before now when travelling without H as I still use my maiden name.
Thesystemonlydreamsintotaldarkness · 25/01/2023 22:53
If a woman gives birth to a child. Why the fuck should she give the child it’s fathers surname rather than her own. Especially if they are not married
babyyodaxmas · 26/01/2023 07:14
I found it so, see above about trying to reenter the country. also DH (the man I live with) is my DC's father so I wanted that to be clear and unfortunately in our patriarchal society the easiest way to communicate that quickly and effectively is having the same surname.
Now I think there is a very good argument that the DCs should the mother's name and allow the father all the faff of the different surname problem, but to suggest it is a non issue is disingenuous.
BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 26/01/2023 07:06
No it isn't.
babyyodaxmas · 26/01/2023 06:26
I didn’t change my name. It wasn’t about smashing the patriarchy. I just wanted to keep my own name. I really don’t understand why women change their names. It is completely illogical unless you hate your name.
Its so much easier for school, doctor's appointments if names match.
'
Cileymyrus · 26/01/2023 08:38
It absolutely has been a non issue for me.
schools, gp’s etc manage fine addressing letters to “dr x and Mr y”.
my dc were asked once who I was when I was travelling alone, but that was before they’d asked for passports so nothing to do with names. We travel several times a year with the dc’s sports and in 18 years never had an issue.
even when I had to take step dc to a&e for a broken bone it was automatically assumed I was mum, I had to point out I didn’t have PR and couldn’t consent, and they needed to ask dh.
dh on the other hand, has had a nightmare after splitting with his ex. If she didn’t put him down on school, gp forms as their dad we actually had to get solicitors letters to force them to speak to him without her present. And that was with the same name. He was genuinely worried that if the dc had my name and we split (his ex had an affair) it would be an absolute nightmare.
like I said, me in a hotel room with my 15 year old doesn’t raise an eyebrow. A 50 year old man in a hotel room with a 15 year old with a different surname is often a phone call to the police.
babyyodaxmas · 26/01/2023 07:14
I found it so, see above about trying to reenter the country. also DH (the man I live with) is my DC's father so I wanted that to be clear and unfortunately in our patriarchal society the easiest way to communicate that quickly and effectively is having the same surname.
Now I think there is a very good argument that the DCs should the mother's name and allow the father all the faff of the different surname problem, but to suggest it is a non issue is disingenuous.
BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 26/01/2023 07:06
No it isn't.
babyyodaxmas · 26/01/2023 06:26
I didn’t change my name. It wasn’t about smashing the patriarchy. I just wanted to keep my own name. I really don’t understand why women change their names. It is completely illogical unless you hate your name.
Its so much easier for school, doctor's appointments if names match.
'
WandaWonder · 25/01/2023 22:59
So my child could have my father's surname or my husbands?
User98866 · 26/01/2023 07:56
Is it true that it can cause problems at border checks if you don’t have the same surnames as your dc? I was told this by a friend. I’m married to their father but kept my name upon marriage, but the dc did get his name as it felt ‘fairer’ IDK why. I suppose because I birthed them it felt like he should get some kind of claim as they are half his! They’ve got both my grandmothers maiden names as middle names but I do slightly regret not putting in my surname as it’s a good one and looking likely they might be the only offspring from me and siblings.
CrazyBiscuits · 25/01/2023 23:13
Yep, just imagine, in the not so distant future, surnames could be passed down from either gender. How cool.
multivac · 26/01/2023 09:11
In contrast to the poster below, not in 18 years, no. And it would be pretty poor border control if it did, don't you think? 'Oh, you have the same last name as these children? Then it must definitely be ok for you to take them out of the country without another parent, off you pop!'
User98866 · 26/01/2023 07:56
Is it true that it can cause problems at border checks if you don’t have the same surnames as your dc? I was told this by a friend. I’m married to their father but kept my name upon marriage, but the dc did get his name as it felt ‘fairer’ IDK why. I suppose because I birthed them it felt like he should get some kind of claim as they are half his! They’ve got both my grandmothers maiden names as middle names but I do slightly regret not putting in my surname as it’s a good one and looking likely they might be the only offspring from me and siblings.
BreadInCaptivity · 26/01/2023 00:36
It's not always "daft".
I thought about it and ultimately I preferred DH's surname to mine.
He was relaxed about using either surname on the proviso the other became a middle name.
Personally I really like the Icelandic model where there are no family (surname) names at all.
Girls are called Name + Mothersname&Dottir and males get the suffix "son" from the father so Lucy and David's children could be called:
- Anna Lucydottir and Sam Davidson
Cileymyrus · 26/01/2023 10:00
Blimey, just googled and apparently you do have to re register a birth if the child’s parents get married.
every day’s a school day. I would have thought that would have gone out the window years ago.
i don’t even think it records on the BC whether parents are married or not? So what’s the point apart from some hangover box ticking exercise.
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