People who never go to work events?

[badhabit]

Do you judge people who never attend work social activities? Whether because they can’t due to other commitments or simply because they don’t want to?

I’ve been working at my job for a long time and I never attend anything. I’ve been invited to events like culture nights, X-mas dos, social events and other activities with the rest of my department and wider company but I never attend. I’m a competitive athlete and have an intense training schedule and simply don’t have the time to go to a bowling night, or cocktail party, or any other event. But even if I did have the time, I don’t think I would want to. It’s just not my thing and I don’t enjoy it. And I don’t see why I should spend my free time doing activities I frankly don’t want to! I sometimes meet up with my friends outside of work but I don’t like corporate or official social events and the majority of my life and friendships outwith work are through sports and training anyway.

I would also never expect anyone to come to any of my events if I were to suggest it as obviously I don’t attend theirs.

I’m known in the office as the one who can never attend but most people are fine with it and understand why. I contribute to every single office communal gift, and I get along really well with everyone and am not anti-social, I just don’t go to the events. Other people are similar although the majority do attend events.

But over the last few years, a few colleagues have passed comments that it’s poor form of me not to bother or at least attend once every so often, and that never attending is anti-social and rude. I’ve been in the company for a long time and I’ve never bothered, but it’s made me wonder now if my judgment is clouded and I am being rude and antisocial.

Is that so bad?

Not rude at all! We have various people that don’t- anxiety, caring responsibilities, live a long way away, issues with food/ alcohol. And probably lots more I don’t know about. A good workplace should make people feel included even if they can’t do the stuff outside of working hours

No, never given it another thought. As long as you are doing your job then any social activities are an optional extra.

This is mumsnet, where people don’t answer their doorbells, never make a phone call without texting first to ask if it’s ok to call, and where they get into their PJs at 4pm. So you’ll be told it’s absolutely normal.

I wouldn’t say I would judge, because I’d assume there’s a reason, but I would notice and think it a little strange that you never ever came to anything.

I don't go to anything work related unless I'm being paid to attend.
My colleagues are all lovely but once I've done my hours im done with work.

I go to work things but usually prefer not to. Time is so squeezed as it is. Id rather not spend it with people I spend 5 days a work with (virtually) even if they are lovely

You’re not rude they are. I used to work with a lovely woman and she used to say ‘I’m paid to work with you not socialise with you’ she said it jokingly with a glint in her eye and never got any grief.

Plenty of people have commitments that mean they can't attend work socials regularly. And that's fair. But I would judge for never making an attempt to attend even one - as I think great work rapport and relationships (that do impact the job) happen off the clock in a more relaxed environment.

Also in a managerial role, I'd judge someone for never taking their team out, buying them dinner, or organising socials for them or getting to know them in a personal capacity. It's easier to get away with it when you don't manage a team but once you do, team morale and motivation is as important. Plenty of people ask about this in interviews and will leave managers who never focus on the social elements of the job - particularly younger employees who want to be seen as more than just automatons.

you should try and make an effort to go to some of the events, it will help build relationships with the colleagues which is important and you might actually enjoy it.

Pre children I used to attend all the work events and go out after work and at lunchtime with colleagues.
Now I have other priorities and attending work events after my working hours means finding alternative childcare so I don't ever go and so wouldn't judge anyone else.

Honestly? Slightly judged momently. Then instantly forgotten

I never go to work events. I rarely go to events with my friends! I'm just ridiculously unsociable and like to be home chilling in my comfies in the evenings.
I don't care what people think. They've known me long enough to know that I hate socialising in large groups.

If I could have gotten away with never attending work events when I was office based then I would 100% have done so, sadly it was expected/mandated regardless of our other commitments.

After spending an 8-5 day with colleagues who I mostly would not have chosen to see socially, it was painful to then have to see them again in the evening for organised fun.

You've established your non-attendance and I would go to great pains to protect that if I were you - whether people think it's rude or not - anyone complaining too loudly about you not attending is probably wishing they could get out of it too 😂

YANBU at all - I go to work socials if its casual things with people I like. I'm not keen on cosying up to colleagues that I don't like, and then there's always one or two that want to talk shop constantly - so boring. So yeah - I'm choosy with work events!

I almost never went to work dos. I hated them, so apart from a couple of Christmas parties (which I also hated, so stopped going to those too) I went to nothing.

I didn't really care what anyone thought of me regarding that sort of thing. In fact, after I had my first baby I was very relieved to have and use the "no babysitter" excuse. Every time.

When I worked for companies, I never went on works events, Christmas or anything else.
I don't mix business with pleasure, plus I saw enough of them in work when I was paid to be there.
I used to hear all the bitching the next day. Did you see what so-so did? Did you see what so-so was wearing etc. Did you hear what so-so said? Pathetic.

If you just went to one a year (say the Xmas do) I wouldn’t judge, but to not go to ANY does come across a bit anti social/rude

Everyone on here will tell you it’s fine because MN is full of antisocial introverts who want to convince themselves it’s fine.

In the real world, people are probably thinking you’re a bit rude and superior and IMO you should go along once in a while to show some effort.

Yes I do. It's a real bugbear of mine. I think it's so selfish when people in my team expect to duck out of every single social. I lead the team and I have to offer this stuff so the junior people don't push off somewhere more fun with better perks. Plus I do know that the better people know each other the better they work together and the better staff retention.

Mumsnet is full of misanthropes who will tell you this is normal but its not. Most people go to the occasional social to make an effort.

I take it back and don't judge you if you are in low paid admin role but even my team PAs turn up to a Christmas lunch.

It depends on the nature of the social events. I worked in one school where meals out at the end of term were just catered departmental meetings. Boring!

We have a few who never do, most have various commitments, one is now sober after some difficulties (open about it) and won't come if there may be any alcohol present, so even a Christmas meal, bowling etc even if colleagues didn't drink she would still be uncomfortable.
Some of us always go to a local carol service and she comes to that and we try and do something in the summer that's picnic/beach based (we work by the coast) and she'll come to that.
No one really minds who does and doesn't come.
There is one other manager who never does, even if it's a lunch during the working day and that doesn't go down as well, but she's also uncontactable, generally difficult to reach too so it just adds to that perception. I also think there are more expectations when you're in a leadership role.

I was in my previous role for nearly 20 years and never went to any social events, initially because I was a skint single parent and then it just became the norm.

I left last year and everyone insisted I had a leaving do, they made a huge effort and so many people came, I felt embarrassed all evening and if I'm honest regretted not doing the same for others!!

I never go to anything. My free time is my time and I don't want to be with people I work with. I'm at an age where I don't care what anybody thinks

I've been in my job for 10 yrs. I can't be arsed anymore

This is also industry dependent btw. I know where redundancy is a possibility and you have many people with the same level of performance, those who aren't known as well or seen to be as invested in people development, are at greater risk. It's not always fair but people are prone to protect the people they know well, not just those good at their job.

Also the world of work is changing so much. Because there's so much tech and automation coming our way, people skills (which do involve rapport building outside work) are much more valued than just technical skills. Younger generations coming to the work place also value different things, when I interview, candidates are always asking about the social side and managers who can't evidence this, don't get the talent they want.

I get on with all my colleagues, very friendly etc but I don't go out with them because I don't feel comfortable with large groups of people. If they judge me that's on them not me. I could never work anywhere where it was expected.