People who never go to work events?

[badhabit]

Do you judge people who never attend work social activities? Whether because they can’t due to other commitments or simply because they don’t want to?

I’ve been working at my job for a long time and I never attend anything. I’ve been invited to events like culture nights, X-mas dos, social events and other activities with the rest of my department and wider company but I never attend. I’m a competitive athlete and have an intense training schedule and simply don’t have the time to go to a bowling night, or cocktail party, or any other event. But even if I did have the time, I don’t think I would want to. It’s just not my thing and I don’t enjoy it. And I don’t see why I should spend my free time doing activities I frankly don’t want to! I sometimes meet up with my friends outside of work but I don’t like corporate or official social events and the majority of my life and friendships outwith work are through sports and training anyway.

I would also never expect anyone to come to any of my events if I were to suggest it as obviously I don’t attend theirs.

I’m known in the office as the one who can never attend but most people are fine with it and understand why. I contribute to every single office communal gift, and I get along really well with everyone and am not anti-social, I just don’t go to the events. Other people are similar although the majority do attend events.

But over the last few years, a few colleagues have passed comments that it’s poor form of me not to bother or at least attend once every so often, and that never attending is anti-social and rude. I’ve been in the company for a long time and I’ve never bothered, but it’s made me wonder now if my judgment is clouded and I am being rude and antisocial.

Is that so bad?

If the work social calendar was full of regular social events, lunches, Friday drinks, Saturday meals in your team plus more for the department and company etc then it's reasonable not to go to them all.

If you don't attend any then I'd assume there was a reason/each to their own as I also dislike too much work socialising, but I do think it becomes rude to not do anything.

No don't go to them if you don't want to. No one cares at my workplace it's great! I know it's not like that in some workplace cultures but I couldn't work in a place like that. Stand your ground as there will be others who want to follow your stance. People who a criticising are just bullies - why would you want to force someone to socialise with you?If they see it as a chore then why do they go.

When I worked for the NHS, I didn't attend because I was a single parent of two young children, I had anxiety about crowds (and I hated everyone in the team 🙊).

It was put into my annual appraisal that I had to make more of an effort to attend social events in order to be part of the team...

I very rarely go out with anyone from work.
Not because I don't like them particularly, but I have issues around food in particular. I can't eat in front of a large group of people

I never went to the works outings with my last role because it was such a toxic culture with the boss buying drinks for his favourites while I had to tolerate married couples copping off with one another. I hated it and never went out and was painted as the miserable one

Don't think you can really dictate on how people choose to spend their own free time - only that which they are actually being paid for. Let's face it - most organised work events are dull as dishwater as are the people that insist on them usually.

Definately not being unreasonable.

Im not athelete and definately not busy, but wherever i’ve worked, i need my time away from work and work colleagues. It’s very precious to me, and they already get me for for XX hours per week. I’ve had to travel for work too, so add in quite a few 14 hour flights , with only some of that being work, and never being able to take partners or kids (rightfully so) and they already eat i to MY time.

So, sorry, but lame turkey dinners and boring speeches…. No thanks. Give me a takeaway and netflix any time.

That’s me too. Plus nobody tells me how to spend my money!

They did make me laugh 😂

Not at all!

I absolutely despise the expectation of people to socialise as part of their job. Is it not enough just to do your role?

So true 😂

Also in a managerial role, I'd judge someone for never taking their team out, buying them dinner, or organising socials for them or getting to know them in a personal capacity.

Wow- really? I got my managerial role after having kids and going part time, so the people that I manage earn more than I do. Yet it seems that I’m supposed to take my whole team ‘out’ (I’m worried to even ask what that involves/costs…?) and buy them all dinner?
I literally could not pay the childminder if I did that. But thanks. And I’d also have to pay for a babysitter for the pleasure.

Is it really too much to ask that working mums should be able to expect to progress in the workplace based on the job they do…?

No not at all, I sit somewhere in the middle myself.

Some events can dull AF, but equally, some of my most memorable nights out have been work do's (where I'd expected it to be dull AF 😂)

The only thing I stick to though, is if you never attend you don't get the gossip- there have been a few people I've worked with over the years that never attended any socials, but always wanted the low down on Monday morning.

I'm like, 'not getting it from me Brenda, you haven't put the hours in' 😂

I used to have a team member who didn’t want to attend work social events. She was polite but quite direct about it. She was an excellent team member, more than pulled her own weight and we all respected her choice.

TBH some of these work events caused more trouble than they were worth, people overdoing the booze and copping off with people they shouldn’t be, workplace drama as a fallout. I like a good night out but these days I duck out a bit early.

Surely managers are not expected to fund meals out? I too am part time with young kids and earn less than the team, I could never afford that! I can’t say I ever expected or got free meals either but I am public sector so maybe private you are??? Anyway I don’t attend much as I honestly couldn’t afford it and I wouldn’t judge people who didn’t either.

Omg I'm laughing here, that is me. Oh goodness 😵‍💫

Absolutely every organisation has a budget for team building or team socials and you can certainly ask your dept for it. No one expects you to pay! Even the public sector has this.

Team building isn't a new concept. It's 2023, and a recognition that to motivate employees you need to add some fun to the workplace. Organisations have budget for this. For everyone here that doesn't attend, there are many others who do and create a culture that isn't completely individualistic.

Yes totally agree.

It shows a slightly sneery attitude that you’ll play the game at work but wouldn’t give your colleagues the time of day otherwise.

Other people rock up and make the effort when they probably don’t want to, why shouldn’t you once in a while? You might be an athlete but you’re not a team player. Boo. YABU.

I love my job.
My colleagues are exactly that.. people I work with.. not people I woild choose as friends.
I do not attend any work 'do's'... if you dont pay me I am not there..
My private life is exactly that.
And I answer to no-one, my life is my own.

There is a risk that you'll be regarded as the miserable old scrote in the team who can never be bothered to join in, and in some work environments this might impact you in terms if promotion etc.
Your choice if you don't want to play the game, but don't be surprised if (rightly or wrongly) it sometimes counts against you.

For all the reasons you have clearly set out it is completely reasonable for you not to attend work socials. If you don’t want to, that’s reason enough tbh. But I don’t think you can be too precious about receiving a barbed remark about it every once in a while. That’s life.

I have a few good friends at work who I've known for years and we occasionally go for drinks but I'd be friends with them and keep in touch if I no longer worked there. I never ever go to Xmas dos or any "organised fun". I think I've moved into a different, older, age bracket now and I don't generally get asked which suits me fine.

I find it weird that people can simply write off colleagues as ‘people I work with’. Surely when you spend so much time with people friendships develop naturally.

I sit somewhere in the middle. Don’t really enjoy forced fun, time is precious yadda yadda but if my long-time colleague who I like and respect is having a leaving do then I’ll make an effort for sure.

I also try to attend the Christmas do. Ours are usually fun though and I like my colleagues, they’re good people and we can have a laugh outside of work.

If you’re completely against any free time with colleagues then I think you have an issue.

Absolutely every organisation has a budget for team building or team socials and you can certainly ask your dept for it. No one expects you to pay! Even the public sector has this.

No, it absolutely doesn’t. I work in the public sector. We buy our own Christmas lunches, drinks if we go out, whatever.
If I asked my manager for corporate money to take my team out with, they’d think I’d gone completely insane. Tax payers and auditors really do not want to see public sector budget lines being spent on ‘team socials’ and ‘team building’, which is fair enough.