People who never go to work events?

[badhabit]

Do you judge people who never attend work social activities? Whether because they can’t due to other commitments or simply because they don’t want to?

I’ve been working at my job for a long time and I never attend anything. I’ve been invited to events like culture nights, X-mas dos, social events and other activities with the rest of my department and wider company but I never attend. I’m a competitive athlete and have an intense training schedule and simply don’t have the time to go to a bowling night, or cocktail party, or any other event. But even if I did have the time, I don’t think I would want to. It’s just not my thing and I don’t enjoy it. And I don’t see why I should spend my free time doing activities I frankly don’t want to! I sometimes meet up with my friends outside of work but I don’t like corporate or official social events and the majority of my life and friendships outwith work are through sports and training anyway.

I would also never expect anyone to come to any of my events if I were to suggest it as obviously I don’t attend theirs.

I’m known in the office as the one who can never attend but most people are fine with it and understand why. I contribute to every single office communal gift, and I get along really well with everyone and am not anti-social, I just don’t go to the events. Other people are similar although the majority do attend events.

But over the last few years, a few colleagues have passed comments that it’s poor form of me not to bother or at least attend once every so often, and that never attending is anti-social and rude. I’ve been in the company for a long time and I’ve never bothered, but it’s made me wonder now if my judgment is clouded and I am being rude and antisocial.

Is that so bad?

I used to be a bit like this - not wanting to attend work events in personal time and feeling resentful about it. However, in my current job, I decided to stop being so grumpy and put in a bit of effort, and have started going to some events. And I actually have quite a good time! I don't do Friday drinks (because I don't drink and don't like pubs) but I do enjoy activity-based things like mini golf, or meals at restaurants. It has definitely helped build my confidence at work and bond with my team, so it's definitely worth the couple of hours once a month. I don't know where your work is located, but if you'd rather do things in office hours, why not suggest a team lunch somewhere nearby?

For me, it's depended on who I'm working with. At my first job, I pushed myself to go to works "socials" and generally was OK with them, if not mostly quiet, but they were OK. In my second job, I was bullied and ridiculed in the office, and the first time I went out socially with them, I was bullied and ridiculed in the restaurant - never went out with them again. My fragile confidence was shattered so I avoided going out with colleagues at my third employer, even though they were completely different and nice in the office, I just couldn't risk it again. Fourth employer basically did nothing socially - it was very disjointed and the different departments didn't really talk to each other in the office, let alone go out socially, not helped by lots of staff commuting long distances so not readily available for evening socialising anyway. Fifth employer was, again, totally different, very welcoming, friendly, etc., everyone knew each other, lots going on socially, and I went out with them and loved it as they did a great variety of "events", no pressure to join in, nothing said if you didn't, and great fun and friendly to be with if you did - just how it should be. I think a lot of it is the workplace, the "type" of people who work there, and what they're doing socially.

I did attend some events at the beginning of my career when I was younger and I never really enjoyed it. But I made the effort for some colleagues who really wanted me there. Now I suppose I am older and I don’t care to put myself or force myself in situations that I don’t enjoy. I simply cannot be bothered and I really don’t care what people think of it.

Not at all. The only requirement is turning up to do your job. Everything else is optional.

I went to my Christmas dinner. The actual dinner part was ok, I sat next to nice people to talk to.

But I felt old and frumpy and once the food bit has ended everyone finds more interesting people to talk to and things to do like dancing.

Not sure I will bother again.

I work in engineering and to be honest it is not the most exciting of industries and generally speaking their official work socials over the years have been shite. I will poke my head around the door and show my face at some events but I don't stick around for long. The people I do like in the office I will arrange a separate social event. Otherwise, being sat at the table with Phil the piping engineer, Mark the Instruments controls guy and Sarah the structural engineer and listen to them discuss the current project they are on is my version of hell.