People who never go to work events?

[badhabit]

Do you judge people who never attend work social activities? Whether because they can’t due to other commitments or simply because they don’t want to?

I’ve been working at my job for a long time and I never attend anything. I’ve been invited to events like culture nights, X-mas dos, social events and other activities with the rest of my department and wider company but I never attend. I’m a competitive athlete and have an intense training schedule and simply don’t have the time to go to a bowling night, or cocktail party, or any other event. But even if I did have the time, I don’t think I would want to. It’s just not my thing and I don’t enjoy it. And I don’t see why I should spend my free time doing activities I frankly don’t want to! I sometimes meet up with my friends outside of work but I don’t like corporate or official social events and the majority of my life and friendships outwith work are through sports and training anyway.

I would also never expect anyone to come to any of my events if I were to suggest it as obviously I don’t attend theirs.

I’m known in the office as the one who can never attend but most people are fine with it and understand why. I contribute to every single office communal gift, and I get along really well with everyone and am not anti-social, I just don’t go to the events. Other people are similar although the majority do attend events.

But over the last few years, a few colleagues have passed comments that it’s poor form of me not to bother or at least attend once every so often, and that never attending is anti-social and rude. I’ve been in the company for a long time and I’ve never bothered, but it’s made me wonder now if my judgment is clouded and I am being rude and antisocial.

Is that so bad?

It's out of hours, so your choice.

I got pulled up about this and said that seeing my kids was more important than seeing people I work with. I don't go to the pub so dont want to go for a drink either. I used to leave home at 6.40am and get home after 8pm most nights so missed seeing the kids unless I was wfh or at the local management training centre, so any chance I go to get hire early enough to bath them and put them to bed, I did.

I would carry on doing what you do. You could remind them of your gruelling training programme, but you don't need to justify your absence unless you thunk it'll shut them up. Better still just remind the office foghorn who will pass it round as gossip.

No need to answer if not expecting

Some people don't like phone calls

I don't even get why you're mentioning wearing comfy clothes in your own house- at all...

I'm a civil servant and my dept does not have any budget for social events! And I'm glad it doesn't

It should be, but sadly it is not.

There’s loads of people in our office who don’t attend anything, although that said, we don’t have many social events in a year. I didn’t go to the Xmas party the last two years because I realised I didn’t enjoy it and was only going to show face and because it was free. We went bowling last year and I spent the entire time wishing I was at the gym and not trying to make polite conversation with a load of graduates who are young enough to be my kids.

I think it's poor form to never attend any, to me it's part of team building and getting to know each other outside of work.
But each to their own, I see it as your loss. I have made so many friends over the years through various workplaces, many lifelong friends.

I work in the public sector so work socials cost me money. I can't afford to attend, so I don't. Haven't been to a Christmas do in years

Urrgh I hate work social events, the people I work with are not my friends. I might like them and be very happy working with them but I don't need them in my life any more than that and I don't want to be going out with a big group of them. If others want to then I'm very happy for them to go, but why would anyone go to something social that they didn't want to?

Absolutely this!

Yes it does. It's not advertised obviously but a manager who makes a case to get it for their team (with a good reason) can and will. Also depends on the manager's own rapport with the dept and finance heads obviously, but a great manager can always wrangle a bit of cash to reward a hard working team.

My friend works at MOJ and the first thing she did when starting her role was asking how much budget she'd get for a team xmas dinner and the process to sort it. That effort was much appreciated by her team and went some way in building a better relationship with them all. Which helped when she needed them to occasionally stretch themselves.

We're struggling with staff wellbeing at present, I think in common with lots of other employers.

My boss means we'll and really wants to get this right but her answer is often to organise "fun" events which are almost always in staff's own time. They're not compulsory but they often feel that way, there's certainly an expectation that senior staff should support them.

I've tried to explain that whilst a quiz might help some people's wellbeing, feeling pressurised to attend something isn't going to help others. I'm not sure the message is getting through.

That said, I do think when a team is performing well/working harmoniously, most people will attend most events and if they are poorly attended that's a sign that things aren't quite right.

I don’t like work socials much these days - although in my 20’s, pre-kids/marriage/responsibilities I went to all of them. I still make sure I go to a couple a year, just to show willing.

I’d admire your stance because I do go most of the time and I hate it!

@ganvough thanks. But mine does not.

Oh I understand, both from the training point of view and just finding it boring.

I tend to go to commit to work social events and when it cormels to the day, I spend my time wondering if I can get out of it. I generally find them quite boring and I don't like getting drunk.

I'm guessing you have a strict routine for eating, sleeping etc so you can fit in your training.

Honestly, I would just continue doing what your're doing. If anyone asks you about it, just say you are getting ready for a competition.

Went to xmas parties only - non-drinker here so would get very bored with all the others whilst they got drunk and spouted rubbish! Glad I wfh now!

We stopped having them at my workplace because fewer and fewer people came. Suits me just fine. I'm friendly and sociable at work, but my time outside work is my time.

I never do and always get comments. I don't care. Would rather be with my family

I wouldn't judge you for this at all, but if I'm brutally frank there are people who will.

I avoid a lot of work socials and my first reaction on hearing one is happening is to sigh as I think of the childcare nightmare that it inevitably brings. I'm quite an extrovert and social person by nature but I'm a single mother and have a stressful job so for me it's just another thing which I have to play 3D chess to fit into my life and I often just don't have the energy. For people with children, with a hideous commute or with social anxiety, these things are often a complete nightmare and people who don't have these limitations have no idea how onerous they are.

However for certain jobs, the social element is very important and depending on the sector, some companies expect you to play the game or it will hurt your career. I think it's pretty extreme to expect people to do everything they are invited to. But I think if you literally have never attended one it seems a bit of a slap in the face. I think as a gesture of goodwill it might be worth planning to do a couple a year.

I wouldn’t judge you for it, but it does narrow your opportunities for developing strong bonds with co-workers. That may or may not be important in your line of work or with your career aspirations.

I don’t see it as rude or anti-social. Employees who think like that are problematic in a lot of levels.

I think it depends on the size of the business and also your position in it. My DP is very senior at his work in a business with 600+ employees but never goes to his work events - none of the senior people do. He goes to award ceremonies etc where he's representing the company, but definitely not internal things.

There's about 50 people where I work and it is noticed when people don't come if they're not "making an effort". Some have genuine reasons for not coming to various things (we only have one or two things a year) and they might be away or have childcare issues or not have transport etc. but it is noticed when people just can't be bothered to make the effort. Reflects quite poorly.

@evemillbank can also vouch we def don’t have any funds at all , am very good friends with someone in our accounts and finance department so would know if there was any money going at all for these things😂 I think people think we get all kinds free when it’s no such thing😂😂😂

Your finance colleague isn't going to be able to tell you if there's spare money. It's not a budget line that says 'team building money' and its finance's job to tighten the purses anyway. It would be up to the dept director or budget owner who would be able to get it redirected from their budget by putting in an expense claim and negotiating with finance to get it approved. And most directors would if you can show them it's justifiable and important to team performance and the benefits outweigh the cost. It's how it works in the private sector too, no one just gets a budget to splurge on social events anymore. But money can be unlocked when needed and many managers put the effort in to do so for at least one team social event a year. Which is why it can sometimes be jarring when people criticise them because it's effort to secure and organise and a lot of people to enjoy and value them.

I always find these threads interesting and wonder what careers people are in, who can get away with/are prepared to accept the effects of never turning up.

I'm a lawyer. I have 3 kids and commute to London. I like many of my colleagues and enjoy a night out, but (1) rarely see my "real" friends, (2) am always tired. I don't really want to go out with colleagues after work but the reality is that goodwill is built at those events, which you don't get from just doing your job. If you're confident that you're a stellar performer who always hits or exceeds all your billing targets (or whatever is the comparable metric in your profession) and never needs a colleague's assistance on something outside the scope of their job description, then it's probably ok not to bother. But if you might need to call on colleagues occasionally to support you, a bit of team spirit is helpful.

I'm so glad I work alone now and don't need to come with excuses not to attend these things anymore