Ok for teacher to call child bossy

[Whawhawha]

So for context- my DD is 4 years old and has just started Reception. Her class teacher told me (during my first meeting with her) that she thought my child was bossy and couldn’t do x y and z. Nothing positive. 😪

aibu?

yanbu - teachers shouldn’t call children bossy

yabu - you’re being over sensitive- it’s fine.

Fucks me off this one, boys don't called
Bossy, they strong, or headstrong or leadership. I knew when I opened it op it would be a daughter.

That’s the point the @Waitymatey girls get called bossy when they display leadership qualities. It’s like a dog whistle term for misogynists. And it’s vile. And there a load of internalised misogyny on this thread. Either that or people who just enjoys putting the boot in about a 4 year old. Which is pretty sad.

A teacher shouldn’t tell a child that they are bossy, but there’s nothing wrong with telling them that their behaviour is bossy and not very nice when the child knows exactly what they did to warrant their behaviour being spoken about.

There’s also nothing wrong with telling a parent that their child can be bossy. Some children are and they need their parents to help them learn the right social skills. Parents can only do that if they know what their children’s behaviour is like when they’re at school.

You shouldn’t be left feeling that the teacher has nothing positive to say about your child though. It all depends on the tone the teacher used. Did they really not say anything positive or is it just that the negative things have surprised and upset you so that’s what you’ve taken from the meeting?

Bossy is something that's never levelled at boys, so I'd object on the basis that it's sexist rather than the criticism itself

Not the case round here. Boys, and men, can definitely be bossy and boys are definitely referred to as bossy, if they are being so.

Is she bossy. Bossy children can be quite unpleasant for other childrem to be around. However, teacher should have foind something positive to say.

There's not internalised misogyny - there are people who like to make up sexism where there's none. Lots of boys are called bossy.

A primary school teacher of mine recalled me, when speaking to my mother many years later "Oh yes, I remember X. Bossy. Clever. "
Couldn't have put it better myself 😏

My niece was once called 'The leader of imaginary play' by her teacher which I think is funny because that just means she is bossy lol!

First parents evenings can be brutal OP. Need to dust off your hard hat. Lots of teachers don't sugar coat things.

@MelchiorsMistress no, she didn’t say anything positive about her. And yes maybe she has seen her being ‘bossy’ but as others have said, the behaviour she feels is bossy could be seen as leading others, helping the teacher etc. who knows- she didn’t specify. I will ask another time. However, I see my child interacting with other children all the time and rarely see her acting this way.

I haven’t ever heard a boy called bossy. And I have a son, who would DEFINITELY be called bossy if he was a girl, and yet he never has been. Because he’s a boy, so it’s an admired quality. Even though in his case, being brutally honest, sometimes it’s not an admirable quality in him…😂

You’ve said the key word @Whawhawha she’s “able” they’re a certain breed of teacher that doesn’t like clever girls. It was ever thus.

@Viviennemary she’s definitely not unpleasant to be around- she’s lovely. But I’m biased obvs. 😂

You've been told over and over that boys also get called and are bossy.

Their parents, schools and carers often need to work on that because they risk becoming isolated and alienated in class.

Ignore it if you want and make up reasons for the OP not to work on it.

At least you're honest 😂

Oh, I’ve been told have I @bellac11 🙄 who’s bossy now…😂😂😂

OP - Did you say to the teacher that they’d only said negative things about your daughter?

And maybe boys show do get called bossy really are vile, which is why their parents have to work on them not be isolate (WTF?!) as opposed to the term being flung on any girl who speaks above a whisper.

For every parent who wants us to sugar coat the negatives, there's another who is irritated if we don't talk plainly.

I don't think I've ever described a child as bossy to a parent but I have talked to children - boys and girls - about being less bossy with their friends. There is a difference between the child who is a natural leader and takes charge, and the one who orders people around and gets upset if their friends aren't following their arbitrary rules.

We can ignore it if you like, it doesn't matter to us one bit if your child ends up without friends, but generally we are trying to help the child to learn, and are trying to get their parent to help them with that too.

But not saying anything positive at all is unusual.

@Defaultsettings no. I was in shock!

I don't think there is anything wring wuth saying your child is bossy.Even if you do not see evidence of this at hime,it doesn't mean it's not happening at sch. I would be more concerned about the lack of anything positive. Next time ask.

This is utter shite. No one admires boys when they try to take charge and take over games while refusing to listen to anyone else’s ideas or wants. When boys play like that in my experience they are told about it in exactly the same was as girls are.

Children that do come across as bossy do sometimes have social problems with it because as soon as those around them grow their own confidence, they decide they don’t want to play with someone who often tells them what to do and expects them to do it. The child that was being bossy loses friends or has to learn on the hard way that their behaviour wasn’t working out for them.

This is not about trying to stamp out leadership qualities or the ability to be assertive, it’s about teaching children how to have good manners and be a good friend.

'Helping the teacher' by telling other kids off, certainly won't make her lovely or pleasant to be around in the other children's eyes.

@Defaultsettings agree- it is unusual. I get the feeling she doesn’t like her. She is very clever and maybe this is seen as a ‘know it all’ or something. Maybe not saying anything positive was her way of ‘bringing her down a peg or two’. I don’t know her motives but it did shock me.

@DiddyHeck i know this! I’ve talked to her about it but she’s only trying to do what is right-jeez!