Ok for teacher to call child bossy

[Whawhawha]

So for context- my DD is 4 years old and has just started Reception. Her class teacher told me (during my first meeting with her) that she thought my child was bossy and couldn’t do x y and z. Nothing positive. 😪

aibu?

yanbu - teachers shouldn’t call children bossy

yabu - you’re being over sensitive- it’s fine.

Boys get called bossy where I am, if they are bossy that is.

Is she bossy? It can be a good thing but if it goes too far the other kids can get fed up with it.

The whole thing being negative isn't on and I think that's more of an issue than being called bossy, surely she could think of something positive to say although one of my kids, a boy by the way, had a teacher for a year who clearly didn't like him. I remember sitting at a parents evening where she was telling me all this negative stuff, I was nodding along as I listened and then I said, "Where do you think you are going wrong?" She spluttered a bit and I said, "Well he was doing so well with Miss Y last year so I don't understand how he has deteriorated so much in the 3 months he's been with you." Quick turn around where I was told I had misunderstood what she said.

I would take the bossy comment as a positive. Bossy in a girl means asserting herself and knowing what she wants. IMO, girls can never learn that soon enough.

Is she bossy?

I don’t think whether she is bossy or not is the issue. It’s the fact that it was a teacher saying it, without any positives.

Its surely the right thing for any teacher to point out to parents, that their childs behaviour in school may cause problems for that child... either socially or educationally. For himself and other children.

For your childs sake, you should take it on board.

Have you spoken to the teacher about it?

Of course it's the issue. No-one likes a bossy child and they need to learn it won't win them many friends.

And to those who say it's not said about boys, that's not true.

I've got 3 boys, 2 of whom were very bossy and more than one teacher pointed that out to both me and them.

It was something they both needed to work hard on.

So she's bossy then? Did the teacher say it nastily? Or say it's something that needs working on?

"Bossy" may be the most positive term the teacher could come up with
Look up synonyms for "bossy"

www.thesaurus.com/browse/bossy

Constantly wanting to be in charge isn't a particularly strength; why the need to sugar coat it to make it sound as if it is?

YANBU I would not be best pleased for my daughter to be called bossy by a teacher, it is sexist language IMO and I would be calling the teacher out on it. I have two boys and have never heard any of them or their friends being called bossy, whereas girls get labelled bossy from a young age. Confidence, assertiveness and leadership skills are attributes that should be nurtured in girls. Maybe she needs to channel your daughter's energy more effectively...

Bloody hell MN, you’re letting yourself down! 80% think it’s ok to call a 4 year old girl bossy?! You never hear 4 year old boys called bossy. It’s respected as a good leadership quality in boys.

Don’t let her change, OP! Your DD I mean, not the teacher!

This is great advice if she wants to develop a controlling and unpleasant personality and never have any friends. Good one

And boys are and get called bossy.

@ElspethTascioni exactly. Thank you for understanding where I’m coming from on this.

If OP's dd is bossy, then the teacher is unsophisticated.

You need to focus on the feedback rather then be offended by it.

Boys do get called bossy too. Maybe she didn't choose the best word but if she'd have pussyfooted around you'd have accepted whatever you thought was a compliment and ignored the issue.

No @bellac11 the exact same behaviour is admired in boys and reviled in girls. Society wants to stamp leadership qualities out of girls.

And how vile, to suggest a 4 year old showing an assertive personality trait is going to have significant social issues. FFS

If a child was being bossy then I’d say they were being bossy, whether they were a boy or a girl

A bossy child, to me, would be one who tried to dictate which toys or resources other children could use, or what parts other children might have in role-playing games, or didn’t let another child take their turn with something. It doesn’t matter if that child was a boy or a girl, I’d say they were bossy.

Hmm, I have never met a great leader who is bossy, a skilled communicator, astute and empathetic- bossy, no, not in leaders.
Now, a manager, that’s a different story.
The above applies to males and females
work with the school

Is is can like to suggest play a bit and so I suppose that may be what she is referring to. She also calls other kids out if they are doing something they wouldn’t be. But I’ve also seen her being led in play by others and taking turns well etc so it’s not a frequent behaviour. However she is kind with her friends, empathetic, and very able. Surely the teacher , as well as rephrasing the bossy thing, could have told me some of the positive things she’s been doing since she started?

*she does like to….

*shouldn’t be!

This.

The teacher is teaching your daughter that she should be subordinate and do as she's told, let the boys be in charge.

I'd be down that school in a shot to show her what fucking bossy looks like!

No. Children can be bossy and it's not a very pleasant trait.

@fruitbrewhaha 😂