To consider not attending my sisters vow renewal or her new house? (Lgbt travel)

[Sandyshoes2]

Odd question really.

I'm part of a lesbian couple and have a toddler

My sister previously lived in Dubai for a few years, but moved home for a few years while my neice was undergoing health treatment. Health treatment is now done and they are moving to another country in that region

While she was there initially I was single, and visited her a few times, had some lovely holidays.

Her wedding was a fairly rush job prior to moving to dubai in order to be able live with her husband as a married couple there, so understandably now neice is better she would like the celebration that she didn't have before.

However she has chosen a fairly famous non lgbt friendly country to do it in. I completely understand that it's probably something that didn't cross her mind.

When she announced that was likely the plan, I said that I'd have to think about if we would attend and explained that I wasn't sure about going to that country. As part of that conversation it then became apparent that we weren't considering visiting when they move to the new country.

Her view is that I previously visited in dubai, and that both countries are much more worried about locals rather than applying the rules to "Westerners" which is probably true.

My view is things are different now because I'd be travelling as part of a queer family, there is a clear indication that I'm gay because I'm legally married to a woman, we are both on Dds birth certificate. Before it felt more like as long as I didnt engage in a homosexual act then nothing was likely to happen. I'm sort of not really a fan of spending thousands on travel to not sleep in the same bed as my wife. Im concerned that should an issue occur that my wife wouldn't be treated as my wife or the mother of DD. Dp also looks butch which worries me for her

I think she's probably right that they don't give a shit what happens in resorts, but part of me feels like I'm too old to be acting like we aren't a family, and that it's not worth the risk. I do know queer couples that have travelled throughout similar countries and been left alone as long as they don't hold hands

I'm sad to miss out on the renewal and recognise its a wedge between me and my sister

It just feels like a lose lose situations

YA(ABSOLUTEY)NBU.

So I'm the daughter of a lesbian couple. Some of our family is middle Eastern. We were invited to a wedding there, they live in a majority Christian city but the country is majority Muslim, it was tense. Only my bio-mum and I went, my other mum stayed behind for safety. We stayed with family so didn't have to be 'on' all the time, that was honestly the one saving grace.

I would not risk it. Even now married to a man with a baby, the fear of something happening and them having to call my mum. The fear of me slipping up and saying 'my mums. My daughter asking about her grannies. Someone somehow seeing a social media post of me and my mum's.

Its too much of a risk for your family. And your sister is being painfully naive thinking it'll be fine.

This.
Even as a straight unmarried couple with children we have decided not to holiday in the Middle East. Too much stress with my name being different from the children’s etc. I have seen unmarried couples in a hotel in Dubai being refused a room together and told they must have separate rooms unless they show a marriage certificate.
So even more so in your situation, as a queer family, in a country probably stricter than UAE, I would avoid.

Fucking hell, your as ignorant as OPs sister.

It's not about shoving anything in peoples faces (classic homophobic trope that), but about thr safety and dignity of OP and her family. She is expected yo go to a place where homosexuality is illegal with her wife and child, do you really not see how that's a problem? And yes they do sometimes ask for birth and marriage certificates, as has been pointed out by otherwise on this thread if you'd bothered to read it.

Personally, I wouldn’t risk it. I wouldn’t want to put a close relative in a difficult situation either so your sister really ought to understand.

Jesus, are you eight years old?

Not westerners as such but if you get caught having ex outside of marriage and are Muslim then yes the penalty can be death

If I were you, I wouldn't go either. I think the risk of there being difficulties re your sexuality is probably fairly low - but you can't be certain of that.

Apart from that, I wouldn't want to support a country that criminalises gay people and treats women - and immigrant workers - as worse than second class citizens. Every visitor is, to some degree, legitimising their laws and, even if it is true that tourists are not subject to the same degree of scrutiny and intrusion, is it not important that these laws actually exist and cause some of its inhabitants to live in a permanent state of fear?

I think it is very thoughtless of your sister to have arranged to hold her wedding in a country in which you would feel nervous and uncomfortable - and possibly at risk. If she chooses to take offence, that is not your fault.

What is your evidence of that?

This. Your sister chose to have a celebration in a country where you are classed as a criminal. It’s her loss of you and your family can’t attend her celebration. It’s one thing to work there to earn money, it’s another to actually chose to spend your money and hold personal celebrations there too. Nothing stopping her from holding her celebration in a country where you and your family will be safe.

‘So I'm the daughter of a lesbian couple. Some of our family is middle Eastern. We were invited to a wedding there, they live in a majority Christian city but the country is majority Muslim, it was tense. Only my bio-mum and I went, my other mum stayed behind for safety.’

I can see why you did this
but for us - we are a family. My wife, me, our children and I’m way beyond the point where we pretend to be something we’re not, where our kids have to omit something or hid something or deny something about themselves or our family.
We aren’t going to do that or ask our children to - we’re a family and you take us as we are, or not at all.
Sometimes that means we think about where we go, who we’re with and what position we might be in, depending on our choices.
but more and more, it means we don’t compromise because we don’t have to.

@musingsinmidlife is that the bar? Whether or not someone might actually be out to death?
or is it okay to not want to go to a country where, as a gay person, someone might be arrested, harmed, bullied, mocked,
beaten, made fun of, deported,
harrassed.

Would YOU go to a country where any of the above was a possibility? For no other reason other than you exist?

Please don't go.

I have a different surname to my husband and children (In fact a lot of Muslim women also have different surnames as they keep their maiden names or take on the husbands first name as a surname and the children take the fathers surname) and I’ve never been asked by immigration control / the hotel / a taxi driver or anyone - when I’ve traveled to Dubai (4 times now) why I have a different surname or for my marriage certificate. Not sure where this practise has come from. Maybe it happened 20 or so years ago but it’s not common practise now. This is my experience in relation to different surnames on passports.

Have you spoken to your sister OP?