To consider not attending my sisters vow renewal or her new house? (Lgbt travel)

[Sandyshoes2]

Odd question really.

I'm part of a lesbian couple and have a toddler

My sister previously lived in Dubai for a few years, but moved home for a few years while my neice was undergoing health treatment. Health treatment is now done and they are moving to another country in that region

While she was there initially I was single, and visited her a few times, had some lovely holidays.

Her wedding was a fairly rush job prior to moving to dubai in order to be able live with her husband as a married couple there, so understandably now neice is better she would like the celebration that she didn't have before.

However she has chosen a fairly famous non lgbt friendly country to do it in. I completely understand that it's probably something that didn't cross her mind.

When she announced that was likely the plan, I said that I'd have to think about if we would attend and explained that I wasn't sure about going to that country. As part of that conversation it then became apparent that we weren't considering visiting when they move to the new country.

Her view is that I previously visited in dubai, and that both countries are much more worried about locals rather than applying the rules to "Westerners" which is probably true.

My view is things are different now because I'd be travelling as part of a queer family, there is a clear indication that I'm gay because I'm legally married to a woman, we are both on Dds birth certificate. Before it felt more like as long as I didnt engage in a homosexual act then nothing was likely to happen. I'm sort of not really a fan of spending thousands on travel to not sleep in the same bed as my wife. Im concerned that should an issue occur that my wife wouldn't be treated as my wife or the mother of DD. Dp also looks butch which worries me for her

I think she's probably right that they don't give a shit what happens in resorts, but part of me feels like I'm too old to be acting like we aren't a family, and that it's not worth the risk. I do know queer couples that have travelled throughout similar countries and been left alone as long as they don't hold hands

I'm sad to miss out on the renewal and recognise its a wedge between me and my sister

It just feels like a lose lose situations

Absolutely not. I'm in the same situation ( Same sex marriage with a baby) and I would not go with my wife and kid to any lgbt hostile country. There was a thread not that long ago where the couple kept having trouble with immigration in safe countries (immigration officers kept questioning if father had given permission for travel-- they even had the birth cert showing both mums were the legal parents). Way too much of a risk.

I wouldn't have even thought about holding my wedding in a country like that, partly because I'm a woman but also because I have close friends who are gay/bi.

It's not really good enough of your sister (unless you are two siblings out of one of those families of 12 maybe which seems unliekly) to "forget" that her sister is a lesbian and married to a woman and that the country she's chosen classes you as criminals.

I wouldn't be going, most likely, or if I did go I'd go alone for just the day itself if possible (obviously would need to stay a couple of nights but not make a holiday of it). And not visiting afterwards.

She must be being deliberately thick about this and clearly doesn't care about your comfort. It's not like she knows you don't much like cheese and she's serving cheese straws fgs. This is your sexuality, who you are, your family.

Such good advice above! I wouldn't go - even if nothing bad happens, you're not going to relax or enjoy it.

I wouldn’t want to go to a country where I’d be unwelcome because of my sexuality. If a country for some reason became heterophobic (this is hypothetical, right?) there’s no way I’d go there.

If you were single, it would be fine and I'd risk it. Married, also probably fine but you'd have to hide it which isn't fair. But with your child, I don't think it's possible. You can't travel to a country where you aren't both recognised as parents. Horrendous. I wouldn't risk it.

Yanbu, I wouldn't travel there on principle anyway. Most of us would be breaking their draconian laws in some way (I'm not married to my dp for instance!) I would say to her you can't risk it with a child

I wouldn't risk it either.

Sure you could go alone but that is the only way.

I would go it would be my sister

Qatar doesn't put gay people to death. They executed one person in 2020 who had committed murder, prior to that the last time the death penalty had been used was in 2003.

You can’t control where your sister lives or decides to celebrate her marriage
Im sure she wouldn’t want to force you to attend either
A PP suggested you go alone.
Doesn't seem at all fare but I’m not sure I’d risk travelling there in your situation.

Its a case of whether you feel you can morally visit a country that treats LGBT so appallingly. If you’re happy to do that for your sister, then maybe go alone.

I lived in the UAE for less than a year and if my circumstances were yours there is absolutely no way I would go. They will not allow you to stay in a hotel room without having documented ID about who is staying there, they are incredibly strict about it. Before giving birth the first document I had to show the hospital (whilst in active labour was my marriage certificate).

My FIL lived there and closed all his bank accounts when he left and had documented proof of this. The bank made an error and did not fully close the fee paying account, so for 5 years the account was debited for the cost of the account on a monthly basis with overdrawn fees added. When he flew out to stay with us he was arrested at the airport and they took his belt and phone and everything off him. They refused to provide any information because we didn't speak Arabic. Eventually we managed to find out he was arrested because of this debt and my DH had to drive 2 hours to a police station and give £4k in cash (had to beg friends to take money out overnight because there was no banks open) and he was eventually released at 4am (10 hours later) with no money, his phone had died and about 40 minutes from our house. About 5 months later my DH got a phone call from the police in dubai saying the bank had said it was an error and if he wanted the money back he had to be at the police station (2h away) that day so had to drive again and collect. My FIL is the most diligent law abiding person I've ever met and there is no way my DH or FIl would ever step foot in the UAE after this experience.

Too much of a risk for what's essentially a party. My sister couldn't come to my wedding due to the distance from where she lives and she video called with champange in her hand when we were getting ready to be part of that experience - it was really lovely. While I missed her I totally understood she couldn't come.

I'm straight and married and have zero interest in ever going to the middle east because of these kind of laws. I would be in genuine fear for any LGBT family if they went there.

Yeah...

I'm half of a lesbian couple too and wouldn't go to any country with this sort of terrifying culture and regime. I wouldn't go on my own, either. Any sibling of mine who invited me to a post-wedding party (because that's what it is, let's be honest) there would have to accept I wasn't going.

I agree with you OP, I don’t think it’s safe for you to go. You will be asked questions at the immigration desk at the airport, it will be pretty clear from that moment you are in a same sex relationship. You can’t hide this if you are travelling with your own child.

I'm sorry the world is such that you have to think of this, it is not at all fair.

I wouldn't go in your shoes and you e more to be miffed about than your sister.

I think you would be wise not to go

I wouldn't be too hard on your sister - I suspect she just didn't think about it as you were happy to visit her several times in a similar country

YADNBU and I would be very hurt that my sister couldn’t understand how damaging it is to have to consider being in a country where my own relationship is illegal. Horrific.
I would absolutely not go there as a family.

If you are worried about the relationship with your sister being affected and would like to attend then consider going solo.

So sorry you and your little family have been put in such a horrible position.

I definitely wouldn't go, it's not even a 'well it might all be ok' type scenario, the risk is so high and so many things could happen to 'show you up'. If your sister is a decent sister she will understand, if not then why put yourself at risk for someone that either doesn't care about your/your families safety or doesn't care enough to understand the risk.

I can't for the life of me imagine why anyone would want to travel to a country where just being themselves is illegal. I know you'd probably "get away with it" but bloody hell it would be uncomfortable! Surely your sister can see that?

I wouldn’t go, it’s too risky. Your DS should understand

Don't do it! You could be that person in the wrong place at the wrong time, you can never know. Its safer not to

@musingsinmidlife

Quote "The conservative Muslim country adopts an interpretation of Sharia law which can even lead to same-sex relationships being punished with the death penalty."

You would want to risk it would you ?

Personally I wouldn't risk going to prison and worrying about my child. They do prosecute gay people, how do you know, they'll turn a blind eye to westerners?! . You'd be a fool to go and endanger yourself and family.

I absolutely wouldn’t take the risk; and to be honest I’d seriously be rethinking whether I wanted to maintain a relationship with a sister that is willing to support such a regime.

Besides the worry about the law there is the possibility of harassment and or assault from members of the public based on their perception that you are a same sex couple (OP you say your wife is somewhat butch in appearance). That can happen in this country FGS, but elsewhere the phobics will know they can get away with it with impunity.