To consider not attending my sisters vow renewal or her new house? (Lgbt travel)

[Sandyshoes2]

Odd question really.

I'm part of a lesbian couple and have a toddler

My sister previously lived in Dubai for a few years, but moved home for a few years while my neice was undergoing health treatment. Health treatment is now done and they are moving to another country in that region

While she was there initially I was single, and visited her a few times, had some lovely holidays.

Her wedding was a fairly rush job prior to moving to dubai in order to be able live with her husband as a married couple there, so understandably now neice is better she would like the celebration that she didn't have before.

However she has chosen a fairly famous non lgbt friendly country to do it in. I completely understand that it's probably something that didn't cross her mind.

When she announced that was likely the plan, I said that I'd have to think about if we would attend and explained that I wasn't sure about going to that country. As part of that conversation it then became apparent that we weren't considering visiting when they move to the new country.

Her view is that I previously visited in dubai, and that both countries are much more worried about locals rather than applying the rules to "Westerners" which is probably true.

My view is things are different now because I'd be travelling as part of a queer family, there is a clear indication that I'm gay because I'm legally married to a woman, we are both on Dds birth certificate. Before it felt more like as long as I didnt engage in a homosexual act then nothing was likely to happen. I'm sort of not really a fan of spending thousands on travel to not sleep in the same bed as my wife. Im concerned that should an issue occur that my wife wouldn't be treated as my wife or the mother of DD. Dp also looks butch which worries me for her

I think she's probably right that they don't give a shit what happens in resorts, but part of me feels like I'm too old to be acting like we aren't a family, and that it's not worth the risk. I do know queer couples that have travelled throughout similar countries and been left alone as long as they don't hold hands

I'm sad to miss out on the renewal and recognise its a wedge between me and my sister

It just feels like a lose lose situations

Well, King Charles accepted money for his charity from the Saudis, so....

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-62366487

Completely understand your position @Sandyshoes2 and YANBU. I was travelling with two of my best friends, a male married gay couple in a country where its not quite illegal, but could have been difficult. I saw close up just how that uncertainty had an impact on them. It was a sobering insight - their behaviour (constant alert) reminded me of how I am as a woman walking alone at night.

Sorry, I am not sure what you are quoting?

Sharia law only applies to Muslims but in Qatar as I said, they don't really use the death penalty even for those under Sharia Law. They tended to use flogging the most often but even in the last ten years, flogging has become much rarer.

My thoughts exactly!

Your sister protected herself by getting married before moving out but is now expecting you to put yourself at risk to celebrate a vow renewal…..errr….no thank you.

really good point @Stressandanxiety

I wouldn’t go, but then personally I wouldn’t to to Dubai either. We need to go to australia for a funeral, trying to find a safe flight route is a rigjt pain.

'I agree with you but I don’t think anyone is checking to see who you are sharing a bed with!'

They have to get through immigration first - 2 women with a child? Where's the father?
Can't tell you how many times DW and I have been asked this. French immigration? No problem, show passports, show birth certs, explain. They may not like it but will accept it.
But Qatar? UAE? Jamaica? Nigeria? Egypt? Even Croatia, Eastern Europe?
It could go very badly wrong.

Your sister must understand you can't risk the safety of your family for this.

for what it's worth I wouldn't want to put a single penny into the economy of homophobic countries like Jamaica. One one penny.

Is this her way of saying she doesn't approve of your sexuality?!
YANBU to decline to go.

YANBU

Don't go.

Do not go OP. Even if the chances are slim something bad will happen, they are present. Sounds like a miserable time anyway.

If she thinks YABU - look up the country on Human Rights Watch and send her some links to stories about the treatment of gay people in that country ( there'll be abuse, corrective rape, murder, jail) then ask her if she still think you should come.

I absolutely wouldn't go OP. It's a rotten situation for you, but no chance.

I'd be nervous about going as a married lesbian couple. Before, last time you visited, nobody knew you were gay but they could perceive that you're ''advertising'' it with a wife and a baby. it'd make me scared tbh
you can't just hope it'll be ok. too stressful

www.forbes.com/sites/laurabegleybloom/2019/11/25/most-dangerous-places-safest-lgbtq-gay-travelers/?sh=72a3a21b1169

Here you go - top 20 most dangerous places for LGBT travellers, Qatar is #2 for those who seem to think it's hunky dory as long as you're a tourist.

I certainly wouldn’t go with your wife and dd as a family.

id consider going alone, purely so that you don’t miss your sister’s event. You wouldn’t have your dd’s birth certificate and so presumably there wouldnt be any evidence that you are in a lesbian relationship?

Zero chance I would go. She needs to understand it’s the what if you are pulled over outside of the resort on the way to her house, or one needs hospital treatment and they don’t consider each other next of kin, or you get flagged going through immigration. Just no.

I’d even sell it as how emotionally damaging it would be for your daughter to pretend she doesn’t have two mums, or one mum to have to actively ignore her on holiday? She couldn’t even Fatima that about someone asking for her kid

This is a minority opinion but here goes: if I were in this situation I would go to the ceremony alone and leave my partner and child back in the UK.

My 17yo daughter refused to go an a sports trip to Dubai and campaigned for a change of venue. I think it is madness to consider going.

I wouldn’t go if I were you and if you were my sister I’d completely understand.

It’s probably a sensible decision. While resorts might not care, your first point of contact with uae nationals will be immigration officers and how they choose to care will be within the framework of their law.

Difficult situation for you @Sandyshoes2 . Given it's not the actual marriage ceremony, in your position I probably would decline the invite. It is thoughtless of your sister so I would be telling her exactly why I couldn't go - I do think they are more lax with 'Westerners' but all it takes is one militant/arsey official to decide they have an issue with your family and it could be a horrible experience.

On a side note - it is interesting the Rebel Wilson and Ramona Agruma were invited to the opening of the Atlantis Royal in Dubai and are posting a lot of pictures of them with their child. Just goes to show the double standards in the middle east and the extent to which money talks ($24 million an hour Beyonce??!!).

I wouldn't be too hard on your sister - I suspect she just didn't think about it as you were happy to visit her several times in a similar country

This is the sister's line of thought, but there's a huge flaw in it. Visiting solo as a gay single person and not dating etc while there = comparatively very safe as even repressive countries haven't yet developed a "gay detector" that they can wave at you in the airport. Bringing your wife and kid = wearing a big tshirt saying "hello we're lesbians, you know - the ones you hate".

OP's sister is being either very stupid or deliberately cruel about this.

The way I would look at it is that I'd gambled when I visited the country earlier and the gamble had gone in my favour, I was fine. But that now the odds are worse, the risks greater and my appetite for gambling way down.

There is no way I would go to that country in your situation. Not a chance in hell.

I'm sorry you're having to choose between your safety and supporting your sister and agree that your partner and child need you safe, which basically means staying away from Dubai.