To consider not attending my sisters vow renewal or her new house? (Lgbt travel)

[Sandyshoes2]

Odd question really.

I'm part of a lesbian couple and have a toddler

My sister previously lived in Dubai for a few years, but moved home for a few years while my neice was undergoing health treatment. Health treatment is now done and they are moving to another country in that region

While she was there initially I was single, and visited her a few times, had some lovely holidays.

Her wedding was a fairly rush job prior to moving to dubai in order to be able live with her husband as a married couple there, so understandably now neice is better she would like the celebration that she didn't have before.

However she has chosen a fairly famous non lgbt friendly country to do it in. I completely understand that it's probably something that didn't cross her mind.

When she announced that was likely the plan, I said that I'd have to think about if we would attend and explained that I wasn't sure about going to that country. As part of that conversation it then became apparent that we weren't considering visiting when they move to the new country.

Her view is that I previously visited in dubai, and that both countries are much more worried about locals rather than applying the rules to "Westerners" which is probably true.

My view is things are different now because I'd be travelling as part of a queer family, there is a clear indication that I'm gay because I'm legally married to a woman, we are both on Dds birth certificate. Before it felt more like as long as I didnt engage in a homosexual act then nothing was likely to happen. I'm sort of not really a fan of spending thousands on travel to not sleep in the same bed as my wife. Im concerned that should an issue occur that my wife wouldn't be treated as my wife or the mother of DD. Dp also looks butch which worries me for her

I think she's probably right that they don't give a shit what happens in resorts, but part of me feels like I'm too old to be acting like we aren't a family, and that it's not worth the risk. I do know queer couples that have travelled throughout similar countries and been left alone as long as they don't hold hands

I'm sad to miss out on the renewal and recognise its a wedge between me and my sister

It just feels like a lose lose situations

I wouldn't go as a family, definitely not, because there is always the risk they will decide to make an example of someone, and tbh I think you are within your rights to be a bit more pissed off with your sister than you are! I have an LGBT sibling and I honestly like to think I would never expect them to travel to a country where their relationship was illegal. However I agree with the suggestion of just going alone to the ceremony if that would work as a compromise?

Tough one. But as usual, your sister can choose where to have her celebration and you can choose not to go.

In your shoes? I wouldn't go because you're just giving the country your money, even while they are anti-LGBT.

No fucking way would I go. Yanbu.

No way would I feel safe in a homophobic country in your position. I genuinely don't think you would be safe. Its not just the law, its the belief of the people.

A family member worked in the middle east for decades. It's fine when it is fine but when it goes wrong they are unsympathic and you are in the wrong as an "infidel". Don't go. Anyway why support the tourist industry of an oppressive regime?

You, your wife's, and your childs safety massively outweighs your sisters party. Keep your family safe and never ever feel bad about it for a second

I doubt the countries you have visited have their hands clean either though.

you shouldn't have to pretend you and your wife are something you're not because your sister is being naive and selfish, especially when you have a little one. how confusing and strange would it be for her to need to pretend she doesn't have two mummies? it's very sad that we live in a world where this type of discrimination is allowed

I wouldn't go, even without the safety concerns why visit and spend your money in a country that criminalises who you are? Why take your child there?

I'm straight and still feel very nervous travelling in countries like this because it's so dependent on trusting strangers to not report you or say anything. It just leaves you feeling vulnerable so YADNBU here.

Honestly, in your place I wouldn't risk it. As it's not just your safety but your DP's too. All it takes is one vindictive or judgemental hotel staff or taxi driver or one accident/incident that involves police to put you in a dangerous position. Even in places like Dubai, they are so strict with foreigners on things like drug policy or kissing in public, so you're not completely exempt in a resort.

Stay safe and maybe she can record it or live zoom it so you can still watch at home?

Maybe you could go on your own? Not really a good outcome ,but I would have concerns TBH ,These countries can be unpredictable .What about treating her and hubby to a meal/weekend away with you after the wedding (Obv if affordable for you) in UK or Europe maybe.Just explain your concerns .Im sure she will understand .

I think the consensus is pretty clear, YANBU so very very much. There is NO way you should feel bad about not going. I guess the only remaining question is how to get your sister to see that it would be really unfair of her to get annoyed with you about it.

Don't go if it's Qatar. Yes, it's probably going to be safe, but really, you never know. It's not worth putting your safety at risk.

YANBU. Not only is having to pretend your wife is not your wife horrible, buy while it's unlikely you're going to be arrested or get it some kind of trouble its not impossible. If your sister doesn't understand that then frankly that's her problem.

I do wonder about the reasoning of the people who voted YABU.

I wouldn’t risk it even by myself, it’s not worth it tbh. I also would be annoyed with my sister for being so unthoughtful.
Have you supported her when she dealt with her daughter’s health issues?

YANBU. I can’t understand why anyone would want to visit a country with such archaic and disgusting laws, and human rights issues.

I don't think you should go. My Dad lived in Dubai and explained that it would only take one Emirati citizen to take offence at something a non citizen did to get that person thrown in jail on whatever trumped up charge they could come up with. It's a regular occurrence, and that's in the most "Westernised" part of that area. If a hotel staff member etc suspected something and didn't like it, you could be in a lot of trouble.

Bless you OP. No I would not travel especially with a toddler I would feel insanely (and sadly, justifiably) incredibly vulnerable in your shoes.

Your toddler is your priority over your sister now

I think she is being unreasonable to put you in this position.

(I mean, I also think anyone who props up these regimes through tourism or work is unreasonable)

YADNBU. No chance in hell would I set foot in any of those countries as part of a lesbian couple, much less with marriage certificate and little one to confirm it. You will be constantly worrying and looking over your shoulder. As others have said, how will you answer awkward questions at immigration? In many of these countries the man has the final say - would you even get a voice if your little one needed eg medical care? I can understand the disappointment BUT the consequences if they do take an interest in you do not bear thinking about.

Seems perfectly sensible and reasonable to decline and send your regrets. It's a shame but if your sister chooses to live in a country where you are classed as a criminal then she will have to miss out on your presence and that of your family.

Going by yourself if you want to support your sister should be fine

The sister is hardly being supportive to the OP, by inviting her to a country where she would be at risk.

If it were me, I would take my chances and go, only because it's my sister and I wouldn't want to miss it. I lived in the Gulf for many years and what other posters are saying is true. As long as nothing happens, it'll probably be fine. But if something does happen you will be relying on the kindness of strangers. And sometimes people aren't that kind.

Yes, this is what I was thinking too.

Hope she wasn't coming back, as a non UK tax payer, to benefit from NHS treatment, then heading back again once that was achieved.

I def wouldnt go as a family