To consider not attending my sisters vow renewal or her new house? (Lgbt travel)

[Sandyshoes2]

Odd question really.

I'm part of a lesbian couple and have a toddler

My sister previously lived in Dubai for a few years, but moved home for a few years while my neice was undergoing health treatment. Health treatment is now done and they are moving to another country in that region

While she was there initially I was single, and visited her a few times, had some lovely holidays.

Her wedding was a fairly rush job prior to moving to dubai in order to be able live with her husband as a married couple there, so understandably now neice is better she would like the celebration that she didn't have before.

However she has chosen a fairly famous non lgbt friendly country to do it in. I completely understand that it's probably something that didn't cross her mind.

When she announced that was likely the plan, I said that I'd have to think about if we would attend and explained that I wasn't sure about going to that country. As part of that conversation it then became apparent that we weren't considering visiting when they move to the new country.

Her view is that I previously visited in dubai, and that both countries are much more worried about locals rather than applying the rules to "Westerners" which is probably true.

My view is things are different now because I'd be travelling as part of a queer family, there is a clear indication that I'm gay because I'm legally married to a woman, we are both on Dds birth certificate. Before it felt more like as long as I didnt engage in a homosexual act then nothing was likely to happen. I'm sort of not really a fan of spending thousands on travel to not sleep in the same bed as my wife. Im concerned that should an issue occur that my wife wouldn't be treated as my wife or the mother of DD. Dp also looks butch which worries me for her

I think she's probably right that they don't give a shit what happens in resorts, but part of me feels like I'm too old to be acting like we aren't a family, and that it's not worth the risk. I do know queer couples that have travelled throughout similar countries and been left alone as long as they don't hold hands

I'm sad to miss out on the renewal and recognise its a wedge between me and my sister

It just feels like a lose lose situations

No don't go! Too much of a risk and why would you even consider going to a country where they consider you to be a criminal just because of your choice of family? Horrible. Definitely don't go.

Agree.

There is zero chance I would risk my family by traveling in that region.

I wouldn't go. I'd also be hurt that my sister saw fit to live in a country that saw me as an abomination, tbh. No matter how much the job paid.

Has she ever stopped to think about it from your point of view?

Any country that treats queer people badly tends to treat everyone badly - it's goes with a lack of respect for human rights.

However she has chosen a fairly famous non lgbt friendly country to do it in. I completely understand that it's probably something that didn't cross her mind.

Well it should’ve crossed her mind, you’re her sister. I’d be hurt/upset/angry if my sister did this to me and no, don’t go.

Especially since the sister is long since married. These stale "celebrations" long after the fact are absurd. Bad enough local but to travel overseas for one, to a hostile location? Nope.

Just go on your own?

Exactly this

Her view is that I previously visited in dubai, and that both countries are much more worried about locals rather than applying the rules to "Westerners" which is probably true.

But she was sufficiently worried about the risk to "Westerners" that she had a quick marriage ceremony before going herself with her male partner?

Going as a legal couple with a child is very different to going on your own or even as two individuals in twin beds. Its always going to be in the back of your mind.

Yanbu. Travelling as an lgb family within UAE Is too risky. If you have to stay in a hotel, use taxis, eat out etc, I suspect you’ll get harassed.

A few years ago I was aware of a married female gay couple staying in a popular resort in Turkey which is supposedly much more relaxed. During their holiday three men gained access to their hotel room overnight whilst they were sleeping. Aggressive/rude questions from the reception desk at check-in as to why they had the same surname. Some hotel staff tried to friend the two women on FB. And the hotel waiters kept demanding dates at mealtimes - it became a competition between the waiters to win a date. It was an harassment shit show.

And this

I agree with you. In the same circumstances I wouldn't go.

I won't go to Dubai etc anyway, let alone in your family set up.

I wouldn’t go and I’m straight.

I find it hard to see the appeal of Dubai/Qatar/ Saudi as a holiday destination let alone home, the humanitarian issues are rife & well known.

My football club were recently brought by a very corrupt consortium from Middle East and I can no longer put money in the club, it just doesn’t feel right to me.

I would hope a rational person would understand your feelings towards the matter.

I definitely wouldn’t go. It’s not worth the risk.

Your sister needs to know that when she moves to this country, the only way she will get to see you is by travelling to the UK. She is fine to prioritise her DH and his job or whatever reasons she has for moving there, but you 100% have you prioritise your own safety and that of your family. It’s just the way it is.

NHS is a residence-based system. UK residents are entitled to all the benefits of the NHS. UK residents also, obviously, pay tax in the UK. Can’t see how they have done anything wrong here, either legally or morally.

Definitely don’t go.

I have a dim view of people visiting such repressive places or working in them. The only people who are not at a disadvantage in such societies are male citizens of the country and from then down everyone else is a lesser person and an abomination. Utterly hypocritical. Sod that and the lies all that luxury is built on. The party is likely to be hollow, expensive and serviced by people who are indentured. If the guests raise a glass are they aware that outside no one else can? Suggest having a nice dinner with them when they come home at a place where you can all be yourselves openly and without fear. And where your relationship and your daughter is regarded as equal in all respects to your sister’s.

^ Me too.

No way should you or YOUR family be put in the position that you are criminalised for being a family.

Don't go.

I wouldn't visit just on the basis of being female. My DH sometimes has layovers in Dubai for work and I'm not even keen on that.

YANBU OP. Meet up somewhere else where women are less oppressed and have more rights and freedoms.

Yes this was my initial thought.
Your not being unreasonable op. You really aren't.
If she doesn't understand then it's going to take a lot of calm on your end to either explain or let it go.and be able to tell her no. But you'd be totally within your rights to do so.this is an issue and a big one gorgeous you,and warranted.

Gay marriage is only legal in 33 of 195 countries in the world. Only 15% of the world's population lives in a country where gay marriage is legal. Homosexuality is illegal in 70 countries. Many of you likely have travelled to places where gay marriage is illegal.

I'm really sorry she has put you in this position. The obvious solution would have been for her to have the ceremony when they were in the UK.
I wouldn't go if I was you. It is too stressful to try to hide who you are, to ask your DD to somehow collude in the lie and to wonder about next of kin, etc, if anything was to happen. Then there's the added worry of prosecution or imprisonment. And to be blunt, you're more at risk of both because you're female.
My friend worked in a similar country and had to spend months with the threat of prosecution hanging over her because she had the wrong type of music in her suitcase. Meanwhile her male colleagues merrily smuggled alcoholic contraband back and forward with every trip. As a young, pretty, blonde woman she was forced to attend regular 'meetings' until the 'police' were sure she wouldn't reoffend. The sexism and homophobia is endemic and engrained. The only way you could consider going is if you went alone and I don't think you should. I wouldn't be hiding my relationship and my child just so I could attend a siblings' wedding.

How long has she been married/were you there/was there any celebration at all?

I mean if you saw your sister marry & this is just a party tbh I can't see the point of travelling so far.

That's before getting into having to hide who you are or go alone.

I'm sad to miss out on the renewal and recognise its a wedge between me and my sister

It is very sad, but it's not a wedge of your creation.

Your sister, by choosing to live in a repressive country, has effectively excluded you & your family from it. That's her choice, & fair enough - she didn't do it AT you iyswim! However ... she doesn't get to use HER choice as a weapon to beat you up with for sensibly recognising that her adopted country is not a safe place for you to visit.

I doubt she would agree to the same terms if the UK suddenly outlawed hets.
Come over by stealth, pretend not to be a family, risk imprisonment & worse.

She is being extraordinarily obtuse about your situation.
It's almost like she knows nothing about your life as a gay woman, & what you face.
That's not on you, its fully on her.

YANBU I wouldn't go either. It's too risky, especially with a child to consider. Most likely nothing will happen, but you can't be sure. You won't be able to relax and enjoy yourself with that worry always in the back of your mind.

YANBU I wouldn't go and I can't understand how your sis doesn't get why you feel as you do.
Never would I give my tourist money to a country that has laws of persecution against same sex couples.
What kind of trip is it if you're constantly worried about being affectionate with your spouse!