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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

806 replies

thecranberries · 21/01/2023 10:40

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

OP posts:
thefirstmrsrochester · 21/01/2023 11:21

40 unsupervised teenagers is a recipe for disaster.

You live, you learn.

I’d not call the parents.

Intrepidescape · 21/01/2023 11:21

You let your teenage daughter host a party for 40 teenagers. What the hell did you think would happen? You’re lucky no one OD’d or was assaulted.

Utterly negligent on your part.

user8545 · 21/01/2023 11:21

How depressing that the social conditioning is strong enough still, even for this young generation, that 'boys will be boys' and the girls all just cleaned up after them. That would upset me far more than a dirty carpet.

That's if you take it at face value, the whole story seems rather contrived to me.

Colderthanever · 21/01/2023 11:22

Clymene · 21/01/2023 11:21

And what are you going to do? Ring the parents and say 'your son came to a party at my house last night and I wasn't there but he tracked some mud into the house when he was asked not to go into the garden'?

If you rang me I'd think you were batshit.

Yes if I got a call and said hey I left them alone and they started playing with garden tools and dragged mud in my house I’d be utterly furious that you were so negligent.

RedCarsGoFaster · 21/01/2023 11:22

The only unreasonable part is to only report back to the parents of one boy. I'd report to every parent of every kid.

Why on earth a house party of 40 x 16yo was totally unsupervised though is beyond me.

Colderthanever · 21/01/2023 11:23

RedCarsGoFaster · 21/01/2023 11:22

The only unreasonable part is to only report back to the parents of one boy. I'd report to every parent of every kid.

Why on earth a house party of 40 x 16yo was totally unsupervised though is beyond me.

And say what? I left your kids unsupervised over night?

Devineursula · 21/01/2023 11:23

I would positively relish you calling me OP if I was the parent of one of these boys.

I would listen carefully

and then say…. “Not a chance I am paying for this, and I suggest you don’t allow 40 mixed 16 year olds to have an adult free party”

Bellalalala · 21/01/2023 11:23

I would call them to get their point of view on what happened.

40 teenagers in the house. There was always going to be a mess. The story is all the girls were very responsible. Apart from not asking them to leave as soon as they started acting up or calling you.

Every male in attendance was wrecking your house and garden and attempting to steal. Doesn’t add up to me.

thaegumathteth · 21/01/2023 11:24

I can't believe you went out and left 40 16 year olds on their own. Have you never met a teenage boy before???

Judgyjudgy · 21/01/2023 11:25

AnotherAppleThief · 21/01/2023 10:45

No that's the consequence for allowing a 16th birthday party with 40 teenagers.

This. And you went out.
YABVVVU. Suck it up.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 21/01/2023 11:25

And just a thought but in today's world of instant communication via social media, what you thought was an acceptable amount of kids, and clearly you do, could easily have doubled or tripled in no time.
Even more reason to stay in

Devineursula · 21/01/2023 11:26

so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

And??

They were clearly all drunk OP.

So bloody reckless and irresponsible of you to allow this party without an adult present. You were trying to be the “cool” parent and it has backfired spectacularly on you and caused your DD a great deal of stress too

thaegumathteth · 21/01/2023 11:27

thaegumathteth · 21/01/2023 11:24

I can't believe you went out and left 40 16 year olds on their own. Have you never met a teenage boy before???

Teenager not teenage boy,

Also bear in mind the girls may well not be telling the entire truth

Itsonlyagame · 21/01/2023 11:27

Ffs muddy carpets?! You got off lightly. You will look like an absolute dickhead if you phone the parents.

Kitcaterpillar · 21/01/2023 11:28

Play silly games, win silly prizes.

Branleuse · 21/01/2023 11:28

Teenage parties require a responsible adult stopping it getting out of hand. You were asking for trouble by going out

Theblacksheepandme · 21/01/2023 11:30

thaegumathteth · 21/01/2023 11:24

I can't believe you went out and left 40 16 year olds on their own. Have you never met a teenage boy before???

I'm sure the girls weren't innocent in all of this.

CheshireCat1 · 21/01/2023 11:30

“It wasn’t us, it was them” scenario. Leaving a 16 year old with full responsibility over 40 teenagers, what on earth was you thinking. Our kids had house parties as teenagers, we stayed in the bedroom in case any help was needed.

Murdoch1949 · 21/01/2023 11:30

Quite frankly cannot believe you let 16 year olds have an unsupervised party in your home. It's on you.

FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall · 21/01/2023 11:30

Unsupervised teenagers at a party = damage. You were naive to expect anything else. I think you got off lightly.

I totally don't understand why you went out. When our teenage D.C. had parties we stayed upstairs and out of the way but they knew they could call on us if things got out of hand. Which they often did.

you are the adult here, not the stupid boys or your DD. IMO this is 100% your responsibility. Do not ring the parents, just have the carpets cleaned and don't make the mistake of expecting teenagers to act like responsible adults again.

PinkDaffodil2 · 21/01/2023 11:30

I think you got off quite lightly tbh - no serious damage to property or to the teenagers. That’s a large group and a very vulnerable age potentially - what if someone had become unwell from drink / drugs or there was an allegation of assault? Especially at a 16th birthday party presumably there were lots of 15 maybe 14 year olds there as well. Did the parents all know there was no supervision?

RandyMandyy · 21/01/2023 11:32

I suspect this is a wind up tbh

ShakespearesBlister · 21/01/2023 11:32

Well in future my daughter wouldn't be having any more unsupervised parties. What did you think 40 unsupervised teenagers were going to be doing? Watching Peppa Pig and playing Tiddlywinks?

Devineursula · 21/01/2023 11:32

OP won’t be back

but if I was the parent of one of these boys and this loon rang me about this scenario… I would ask what proof she had it was my son?

Colderthanever · 21/01/2023 11:33

Theblacksheepandme · 21/01/2023 11:30

I'm sure the girls weren't innocent in all of this.

Me too. It’s no surprise it was the daughters birthday and her and her mates are giving it miss innocent.

honestly op. The whole thing makes you look incredibly naive .