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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

806 replies

thecranberries · 21/01/2023 10:40

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

OP posts:
DaVariance · 21/01/2023 11:06

You should have arranged for your DD to call you when things got out of hand

And always always stay in or near the house to check up on them regularly

yousmellnice · 21/01/2023 11:06

40 teenagers is too much. How do they even fit in one house. Your daughter should pay for repairs as she's the one who invited so many shitheads.

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 21/01/2023 11:07

I thought I was going to read they’d puked everywhere! I think you need to chalk it up to experience for having 40 kids over and for leaving them alone. But, if it were my DS, I’d want to know about his behaviour. May be call his parents tomorrow, let some of the emotion pass, and remember it wasn’t solely him that acted badly.

AAT65 · 21/01/2023 11:07

You should not have left your home and expected 16 year old girls to police a party for 40. Fortunately it is mud you are cleaning up not the physical and emotional debris of rape/coerced sex and/or teenage pregnancy. Yes you should contact the "ringleader's" parents but take on your fair shair of the blame.

Colderthanever · 21/01/2023 11:08

To be fair I’m also shocked you left 40 x 16 year olds alone over night and are actually pissed you need to have your carpets cleaned. I’d have expected way worse, I simply can’t understand why you left.

we had an after prom for my daughter and had 50 x 17 year olds. I put up a marquee and hired porta loos. I understand it was summer, but not only did we not leave we actually brought in extra adults, our friends, to ensure it remained under control.

PeachDelany · 21/01/2023 11:08

Yabu for leaving them unattended.

catmothertes1 · 21/01/2023 11:08

You left 40 teenagers alone in your house????

milawops · 21/01/2023 11:08

I'd chalk it up to experience and just be glad my house was still standing. 40 unsupervised teenagers has disaster written all over it.

MrsR87 · 21/01/2023 11:09

Hmmm! I’d be tempted to call the parents and if I was the parent I would want to know.
However, I think on this occasion I’d refrain from doing so as I wouldn’t be impressed if I found out that the 40 16 year olds at the party had been left completely unsupervised. No way would I ever allow that in my home!

Yesthatismychildsigh · 21/01/2023 11:09

And I have never met a teenager that would think it’s a good idea to attempt to vacuum up mud. Yet you left these people with no common sense in your house alone.

Xrays · 21/01/2023 11:09

40 unsupervised 16 year olds in your house???!

What could possibly go wrong?!

🙄

Sorry but you’re going to just have to put it down to experience and never let that many in your house again.

Lovemydoggiesomuch · 21/01/2023 11:09

My children all had big parties at our house,all great kids but despite that I would never have gone out and left them alone. We just joined in and spent a lot of time hidden away but in the house.

Humanwoman · 21/01/2023 11:09

It's to be expected and yes I think it was daft to leave that many unsupervised kids in your home but I dont think they should get off without any consequences. Which is what happens if you ignore it.

I would ring round and let the parents know what happened but dont expect or ask for money as you will find any sympathy dries up instantly and they will start defending their little lambs.

Devineursula · 21/01/2023 11:09

What in heaven’s name possessed you to allow for this party to happen?

As for the damage, you’re going to have to suck it up

007DoubleOSeven · 21/01/2023 11:10

Absolutely. Lack of supervision is no excuse.
Check your insurance too.
I would also ban them from visiting again

Ultravox · 21/01/2023 11:10

I left 40 unsupervised teens having a party for my sons 17th birthday (we went out and returned at midnight). While there was a reasonable amount of mess and a few things broken, none of it was deliberate. I would have been fuming if people had purposefully ruined things in my house. Not sure if I would contact their parents directly though - would depend how well I knew them.

Anjo2011 · 21/01/2023 11:10

Bad decision on your part. Yes I agree the garden part with all the mud is OTT but 40 teenagers. Crazy decision in the first place IMO.

WineCap · 21/01/2023 11:11

I think it was a really stupid idea to allow 40 teenagers into your house unsupervised. What were you thinking?

To be honest, I wouldn't call the parents. They will probably be just as baffled about why 40 teenagers were left unsupervised in the house. Hopefully your DC have learnt some important lessons from the experience.

Devineursula · 21/01/2023 11:12

40 16 year olds with NO adult presence?

OP that has to be made up!!

catmothertes1 · 21/01/2023 11:12

Orangello · 21/01/2023 10:55

40 unsupervised teenagers and all that happened was muddy carpets? I think you've been very lucky.

Exactly.

silverclock222 · 21/01/2023 11:12

Tou mostly lost me at 40 unsupervised 16 year olds but you totally lost me when you felt the need to specify good families and private schools. Might have been better with bad families and bad schools......

MermaidEyes · 21/01/2023 11:12

TheProblemIsMe · 21/01/2023 11:03

Absolutely staggering to find out that kids who go to private school can be little shits as well. Who knew?!

They're probably worse than state school kids tbh.
I second everyone who says you're an idiot for leaving 40 teens alone. I couldn't even fit that many in my house. Also, I'm always a bit meh at kids who have 40 'friends' to invite. In my experience that number is more about being seen as popular rather than actual close friends.

stopringingme · 21/01/2023 11:12

I think you were wrong to leave that many teenagers alone in your house, but I would contact not just the one parent I would contact a few in the gang, he may have been the leader but he had help making the mess.

I think the parents should know how their offspring have treated another person's home, maybe not to get them in trouble but to make them aware of the behaviour.

It would not have been so bad though if they had been adequately supervised.

user8545 · 21/01/2023 11:13

What's with the overt girls = good, boys= bad narrative here? If the boys are so bad don't invite them into your home. And for god's sake don't leave them unattended.

RandyMandyy · 21/01/2023 11:14

This is a bit like leaving a toddler unsupervised with a permanent marker and being shocked to discover they have drawn on the wall.

It's not acceptable and yes, they are little shits but this was always asking for trouble.