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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

806 replies

thecranberries · 21/01/2023 10:40

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

OP posts:
2chocolateoranges · 21/01/2023 10:45

Personally I would just chalk it up to experience. You left teenagers is your home, you need to expect a few arseholes to turn up.

40 teens in your home is a recipe for disaster!

thegreylady · 21/01/2023 10:45

Yes you should contact the parents. The boys behaviour was despicable as well as disrespectful of your daughter and of your home. It reflects badly on their parents and on their schools. If their behaviour is ignored they will never learn better , though by 16/17 one would hope they had already done so. I would expect better from 6 year olds.

AnotherAppleThief · 21/01/2023 10:45

No that's the consequence for allowing a 16th birthday party with 40 teenagers.

TangledWebOfDeception · 21/01/2023 10:46

Why on earth did you go out??

Changechangechanging · 21/01/2023 10:46

Personally, I’d want to know but others would turn a blind eye. Difficult.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 21/01/2023 10:46

40 unsupervised teenagers? You're lucky it's just a bit of mud!

Chickydoo · 21/01/2023 10:47

TBH
I think you were mad to go out and leave that number of children alone in your house!
Unfortunately you agreed to the party so not much you can do.
Lesson learned I guess.

TangledWebOfDeception · 21/01/2023 10:47

But yes, you should speak to the boys’ parents and he/they can come back and sort out the mess. And pay toward fixing it.

Thesearmsofmine · 21/01/2023 10:47

YABU, what in earth did you expect when leaving 40 teens to have a party in your house?

Teentaxidriver · 21/01/2023 10:48

You left 40 sixteen year olds in your house with no adult supervision?

SlinkySienna · 21/01/2023 10:48

AnotherAppleThief · 21/01/2023 10:45

No that's the consequence for allowing a 16th birthday party with 40 teenagers.

I agree with this but would also contact the parents. I know if my son had done this I would want to know and would ask him to apologise. Children need to learn the consequences of their actions and be told they cannot treat other people's property like this. Being at a party doesn't excuse it.

ColonelRhubarbBikini · 21/01/2023 10:48

If it were my DS I’d be mortified but appreciative that you told me so I could give him a talking to and make him pay for the carpet cleaning (or I’d pay and then have him work the debt off) but some people aren’t like that so it’s a tricky one. How well do you know the family?

StubbleAndSqueak · 21/01/2023 10:48

I wouldn't have gone out but fuck it, I'd be ringing them out of pure rage personally

SoupDragon · 21/01/2023 10:49

TBH, this is on you for leaving 40 teenagers partying unsupervised. You've got of lightly I would say.

GoldilockMom · 21/01/2023 10:49

Ive had parties here, three teens so quite a few! Never had any breakages or mud.

I think you need to chalk it up to experience and clean your own house.

I just wouldn’t invite certain ones ever again.

WandaWonder · 21/01/2023 10:49

I would just think won't be happening again, I don't care how responsible individually they are 40 teenagers is too much for me regardless

Everydayimhuffling · 21/01/2023 10:50

I would contact the parents. But also I think it's wild that you went out and left FORTY presumably 15 and 16 year olds alone in your house! Honestly, OP, what were you thinking?!

Beneficialchampion2 · 21/01/2023 10:50

Lack of judgement on your part YABU. What person in their right mind allows a group full of teenagers to have a party In their house and not expect it to be trashed?

Teentaxidriver · 21/01/2023 10:50

Any damage is the result of your own failure to properly supervise. Your mistake, your cost.

musingsinmidlife · 21/01/2023 10:51

Bringing 40 teens into your home for a party is a recipe for disaster. 40 means that many of these teens are not close friends of your DC and therefore feel no responsibility to her to behave. Likely her close friends behaved well but random kids - they cause trouble as they have nothing to lose, there is no friendship or relationship to keep them in line. Now you know that opening your home to dozens of teens to party is not a good idea.

Nottodaty · 21/01/2023 10:51

I wouldn’t have had 40 teenagers over and left the house.
We had my daughters 18, numbers restricted and we hid upstairs (they all know us quite well but we in theory left them to it) all went ok(ish) they still made a mess nothing to bad.

Teenagers in a pack are very different to smaller groups - even really sensible ones you read about in mumsnet occasionally let go and make mistakes especially if there is a group of them.

thesugarbumfairy · 21/01/2023 10:52

you lost me at 40...

TheOtherBoleynGirls · 21/01/2023 10:52

On you, so suck it up. 40 unsupervised 16 year olds? What did you expect?!

Ihatethenewlook · 21/01/2023 10:54

Teentaxidriver · 21/01/2023 10:50

Any damage is the result of your own failure to properly supervise. Your mistake, your cost.

This. What a fucking idiotic thing to do. You left 40! children unsupervised having a party in your house. What an earth were you thinking? And how are you going to go about billing them? How are you going to decide which ones responsible for each bit of damage?

DillDanding · 21/01/2023 10:54

40?! You’re mad.

Of course you don’t contact the other parents. You just suck it up and be more cautious next time. And only have large gatherings in the summer when they can be outside.

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