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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

806 replies

thecranberries · 21/01/2023 10:40

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Newyearnewmeow · 21/01/2023 11:14

Lesson learnt. You know not to do that again.

Kenwoodmixitup · 21/01/2023 11:14

It’s horrible when this things sour for the teenage host too. Congratulate and have every admiration for your DD and her friends for managing this responsibility so well.

Perhaps DD has also worked out that having an adult about next time is also security as well as a hindrance.

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/01/2023 11:15

Chickydoo · Today 10:47
TBH
I think you were mad to go out and leave that number of children alone in your house!
Unfortunately you agreed to the party so not much you can do.
Lesson learned I guess“

This. My parents left me with friends on my 16th, long before SM but still a large group I didn’t know turned up, trashed things and stole my birthday presents! It’s not new.

Mybumlooksbig · 21/01/2023 11:15

2chocolateoranges · 21/01/2023 10:45

Personally I would just chalk it up to experience. You left teenagers is your home, you need to expect a few arseholes to turn up.

40 teens in your home is a recipe for disaster!

They went to private school... my god imagine the damage they'd cause if they were from a council estate....

YABU for having 40 teenagers in your home unattended. What did you think would happen?

MeridianB · 21/01/2023 11:16

Their behaviour was disgusting, but I agree with PPs that leaving them unsupervised was a big mistake.

Worse than the damage is the stealing. That’s what I’d be more inclined to follow up with parents. Did any of them actually take anything or just attempt to? Either way it’s really low behaviour, that deserves to be called out.

Hellocatshome · 21/01/2023 11:16

You only have the girls word for what happened and I think the narrative of girls good boys bad is too simple to be true. You don't know what went on because you left 40 teenagers unaccompanied in your house. So for that reason you would be unreasonable to call the parents.

shiningstar2 · 21/01/2023 11:16

If you start with him his parents are quite likely to get him to reveal the other names if it looks like he is taking the whole blame. If my son took any part in this I would be furious with him regardless of anybody else who might have taken part.

PeekAtYou · 21/01/2023 11:16

If you'd called me about my 16 year old I'd be asking how you knew it wasn't one of the other 39 teens.

if I left 40x16 year olds unsupervised I wouldn't be surprised to be cleaning worse than mud eg vomit and I'd expect my child to call me to come home earlier because things had gone out of control.

neverbeenskiing · 21/01/2023 11:16

It reflects badly on their parents and on their schools.

Sorry, but as someone who works in Education I take issue with this. OP has chosen to leave 40 teenagers alone in her home unsupervised and a few of them have behaved badly and caused damage. This is not a reflection on their school, unless they're also damaging property, stealing and persistently refusing to follow instructions on school premises during the school day and there have been no consequences for them. But I doubt that is the case.

PinkArt · 21/01/2023 11:16

How depressing that the social conditioning is strong enough still, even for this young generation, that 'boys will be boys' and the girls all just cleaned up after them. That would upset me far more than a dirty carpet.

Flowersonthewall123 · 21/01/2023 11:16

I would want to know if it was my DC but some parents might not. You might not get the response your after.

I do agree with PP you let 40 teenagers in your house alone, I think it could have been a lot worse

Onthenextcourt67 · 21/01/2023 11:17

RandyMandyy · 21/01/2023 11:14

This is a bit like leaving a toddler unsupervised with a permanent marker and being shocked to discover they have drawn on the wall.

It's not acceptable and yes, they are little shits but this was always asking for trouble.

^^ exactly this!

snowsilver · 21/01/2023 11:17

I don't like the tone of "nice girls v nasty boys" but what possessed you to go out?
Madness to leave a houseful of 16 year olds unsupervised.
Having said that if my son had done any of that I would want to know.

Spinninggyro · 21/01/2023 11:17

You should contact parents today. The boys owe you an apology and need to put right or pay for the damage. I hope you’re ok, some of the comments are rather harsh in my opinion, you wouldn’t have left the if you had any idea this was going to happen.

Mondayagainohno · 21/01/2023 11:18

I think to save embarrassment for your DC I wouldn’t say anything and like others have said I would expect there to be some damage if I had 40 x 16 year olds inside the house
good on your DC and her friends for trying to clean up
maybe ask your DC what she thinks about contacting the boys parents and take it from there

SoupAndSodaBread · 21/01/2023 11:19

Oof teenaged parties with no parents. I remember these from my youth and they were always a fucking disaster. Things got broken, vandalised and nicked at every single one.

Yanbu if you know the boys' names to contact parents. If they're going to behave like animals, it's good if the parents can't please ignorance.

But, I'm sure you've learned your lesson and won't let that many teenagers have full run of your house again!

Itloggedmeoutagain · 21/01/2023 11:19

I wonder how many of those 16 year olds were allowed to go because their parents thought there would be adults there.

In a school setting, a teacher is not allowed to leave a group unsupervised. There's a reason for that.

I'm not excusing their behaviour but you should have been there even if you were just watching TV in the bedroom

EarthlyNightshade · 21/01/2023 11:19

PinkArt · 21/01/2023 11:16

How depressing that the social conditioning is strong enough still, even for this young generation, that 'boys will be boys' and the girls all just cleaned up after them. That would upset me far more than a dirty carpet.

Yes, this.
I would be more interested in finding out why the girls did this than going after the lead boy.

Snugglemonkey · 21/01/2023 11:19

I would expect to be deep cleaning after a party with 40 teens being left unsupervised and would have allocated time for that. Though ai would never have done it as it is madness on your part! You are very lucky that is all that has happened.

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 21/01/2023 11:19

You allowed 40 unsupervised teenagers in your house? What on earth did you do that for?!

I wouldn’t call their parents now, it would indirectly punish (by embarrassing) your daughter who shouldn’t have been left alone to manage it all… that was your job.

SoupAndSodaBread · 21/01/2023 11:19

Plead*

Clymene · 21/01/2023 11:20

Hell would freeze over before I left 40 unsupervised 15 and 16 year olds in my house.

What a foolish thing to do

Gymmum82 · 21/01/2023 11:20

allowing 40 unsupervised teenagers alone in your house was your first mistake. You’re lucky your house wasn’t completely trashed and valuables broken.

I would maybe if I knew the parents contact them to tell them about the stealing, perhaps mention the damage too. However I wouldn’t ask for money. You took on the responsibility to pay for damages when you decided it would be a good idea to allow 40 kids in your house then go out

Colderthanever · 21/01/2023 11:20

Spinninggyro · 21/01/2023 11:17

You should contact parents today. The boys owe you an apology and need to put right or pay for the damage. I hope you’re ok, some of the comments are rather harsh in my opinion, you wouldn’t have left the if you had any idea this was going to happen.

Lol. Are you being sarcastic? It doesn’t take a genius to work out that you don’t leave 40 x 16 year olds alone In your house, likely with booze over night, 😂

did all the parents know you were leaving them unsupervised? I’d be furious if I knew.

Clymene · 21/01/2023 11:21

And what are you going to do? Ring the parents and say 'your son came to a party at my house last night and I wasn't there but he tracked some mud into the house when he was asked not to go into the garden'?

If you rang me I'd think you were batshit.