Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

[thecranberries]

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

I’m hoping that the OP’s radio silence since her horrific banned comment and general daft ness of previous posts means that she has seemed the errors of her ways and accepted some responsibility.

I suspect not

but there’s a chance…

I love my home far far too much to ever allow any kind of teen party.

Thankfully both mine love attending parties but have bugger all desire to have the pressure and stress of actually hosting one 😂

I wasn't in the house @Ursula82 - I made the point that I made the same mistake as the OP and left the house.

In any case, I can't be 100% responsible for other people's children - I saw in the next parties (where I was in the house) that teenagers will arrive already having downed a vast amount of vodka. Or they'll do what they can to bring alcohol into the house ( disguised in water bottles etc). In those cases I was there to phone parents, or phone for an uber or to make sure they didn't choke on their vomit. (I have(had) several teenagers - this isn't all the same one! (She never had another party in my house)).

My teens were allowed one party each. After the first one, I stayed in the house. There was still vomiting, mess and loud singing. I have a 14 yo ds I'm not sure I'll bow to pressure with him. ever.

I read that you had to call one of the parents as she’d passed out to mean you were present?

Genuinely interested why you would continue to allow parties, even with you present, when clearly your DD’s peers were simply not ready for them and the carnage that you would have to deal with?

40 teenagers left unsupervised..im surprised you had a house to return to.

I think contacting the parents is a waste of time, between 40 kids there can be a lot of finger pointing who did what. Get the carpets cleaned and next time. stay at home or get a Ring cameras around the house at least so you can check in anytime on what they are up to.

I’d have rung all the boys parents and told them you’ll be splitting the cleaning bill and asking them to pay it.

And I’d make it clear they’re not welcome in your house again.

And if I was one of those parents that you’d contact… I would say that I’m doing no such thing until I have spoken with my DS.

If he said he did as you claimed… I would contribute

if he said he didn’t… I would tell you I have no intention of contributing unless you can prove my DS otherwise. Because I believe my DS over the word of someone I know bugger all about aside from the fact she left 40 teens alone with alcohol

I'm amazed at how many people seem happy for teens to trash their house and face no consequences cos it's what "should be expected" at their age. Err no.

Tell their bloody parents.

Don't think anyone has suggested they'd be happy with it, rather if you leave 40 16yr olds in a house then shit might well happen.

The op should've stayed in, upstairs out of the way or limited guests to 15 or 20.
She has to chalk this one up to experience but ringing the parents over a muddy carpet would be absolutely ridiculous. No-one would say oh yes ok sorry here's 20 quid they'd be more likely to say 'I thought an adult would be around?!'.

Based on your contributions here I hope your teenagers never come to my house.

😂

40 teenagers at a house party - you got off lightly.

Unless you’ve a very pale carpet it should clean ok with a rug doctor carpet cleaner.

The dyson will be ok. Most bits are removeable and can be washed in a sink.

Put it down to experience and if you are unhappy then don’t have a 17th next year.

We had mess after child no2 had parties + skinny dipping in child no3’s paddling pool. It all cleared up, everyone went home happy and the sun came up the next morning.

Not unreasonable to call parents, but completely unreasonable (and, with respect, utterly irresponsible) to knowingly allow 40 15/16 year olds to party unsupervised. If you are allowing your home to be used as a venue, you are responsible for those children- their safety as well as their behaviour.

It doesn’t matter how sensible you think your own children are, you are also responsible for 39 others and kids do stupid things in large groups with no adults. Honestly really dangerous- it doesn’t make any difference how “nice” the schools are. Some of the nicest schools I’ve worked in have had the biggest drug problems, for example, and you’d never guess (with children as young as 13).

I’ve just seen what OP said about rape being impossible because the girls are “savvy” and other nonsense.

Not only is it the most stupid comment imaginable, it’s also horrifically victim blaming- as though only “stupid” girls are victims of assault.

Those poor kids.

I wouldn't have left 40 teenagers unsupervised for a start off. Absolutely contact the lads parents who caused damage but also the kids who thought it was a good idea to hoover up wet mud they surely must've known it'd wreck your hoover so whoever that was should also be made responsible for some damages too. Take this as a lesson learned though to not allow this situation to happen again

I have been a teacher of children this age since 1989 and I've never seen a more inappropriate use of the word "obviously". You left sixteen year olds in your house unsupervised for a party!! I doubt even your insurance would pay out. Good grief.

“Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools”.

Doesn’t matter where they come from or how good their school is, a little shit is a little shit.

Good for you but as the OP is not a teacher she probably made an assumption of how teens would treat their friends’ homes based upon her own behaviour as a teen and that of her own DC. Hardly unreasonable.

@Thereisnolight oh come on! You think OP has raised them to teens and never heard horror stories, read them in the press etc?

Doesn't realise that being drunk means peoples behaviours change?

Do you think she's lived in a bunker her whole life?

By phoning the parents you are setting unpleasantness up for DD. She'll get bullied especially if they got in to trouble. Chalk it up to experience and no more parties at your home.

This!

If the OP were to phone parents, I think she may get quite a backlash from them as they would have expected an adult to be there supervising!

No one is happy for this. But:

The OP took none of the standard measures anyone with sense would take were their teenager hosting a party like this. She ‘obviously’ went out. And came home to find her DD and some friends frantically cleaning.

The OP is full of ridiculous hyperbole. The house wasn’t ‘trashed’. Some people stood on the grass (and it’s muddy), some stuff was left out of the shed, the shed door was left open and some mud got on the floors.

Given the OP’s exaggeration of the grass issue (from the OP you’d think they’d been digging it up) and her horror about the tiled kitchen floor requiring mopping, I think we can reduce her ruined carpets to a few muddy footprints. The Dyson isn’t ruined either - but any work to sort it out is because the DD and friends used it to try to tidy up before her mum got back.

The OP makes it clear that she didn’t expect to need to spend time cleaning after a house party. So everything else she says is actually a reflection of that ludicrous expectation.

Also nothing was stolen. The attempted theft claim is a story the OP was told by the girls. They also claimed that they couldn’t stop people going on the grass, so it does seem unlikely they would be able to challenge theft as they have claimed. Also, no one went upstairs. So it clearly wasn’t some riot. Given everything else in the OP, I’m not sure the alleged attempted theft part is at all useful (other than as part of her wonderful, sensible girls/dreadful boys narrative).

The other thing that casts some doubt on the OP’s narrative is that she hadn’t allowed a 40 person party. It was going to be her DD and 8 friends. But unexpectedly it turned into a huge party. And somehow the DD didn’t tell her mum about the gatecrashers or the dreadful behaviour in any of the (claimed) 30 minute check ins she carried out.

Imagine turning up to complain to someone about their horrible ‘ringleader’
son in these circumstances and demanding payment for hiring a rug doctor.

It’s absolutely nothing to do with condoning bad behaviour. But there’s limited evidence of dreadful behaviour here at all and the obvious response from any parent would be: why didn’t you supervise this?