Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

[thecranberries]

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

Forty?! 😮
Blimey, you got off lightly

OP won’t be back

"OP" got exactly what they wanted....

Of course you don’t contact the parents, how embarrassing

I'd expect it more from private schools tbh.

I'd want to know if it was my kid OP. But it was bloody stupid to leave that many teenagers unsupervised. Don't make the same mistake again

DD went to an after-prom party which was alcohol-free - which all the kids involved were quite happy about - but the parents still wouldn't have dreamed of going out and leaving them alone.

Might your daughter fight her own battles on this one - tackle the lad herself when he is sober, point out the damage he did and suggest an apology to you?

Nope neither can I but it's got the froth going so it's all good 👍

40 teenagers at a house party unattended, what on earth could possibly go wrong? Clean it up and chalk it up to experience. Be thankful it's just mud ....

This thread is hilarious- think the OP has got the message! Agree it’s depressing that the girls’ natural instinct was to clean up all the mess.

One parent in our village hosted an 18th but put up a gazebo in the garden and took all the door handles off the doors leading from the kitchen, so they couldn’t get into the rest of the house.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish,

Yeah, yeah, sure.

I'm guessing op doesn't have a son.

What did you expect to happen having forty teenagers in your house?

Glad I don't live next door to you, very irresponsible parenting

She doesn’t. I’ve had a sneaky AS. Just her and her daughter (and I suspect very much anti-male)

I think you were unreasonable allowing so many teenagers into your house and going out. Maybe 15 or so, but 40 is way too many and was bound to include people your dc can't know very well, so can't be sure will be well behaved.

But yanbu to phone the parents of the main boy. I would want to know if my dc was involved in anything like this. I can't understand people telling you to suck it up. A bit of wear and tear, broken glasses, vomit, etc would be a normal consequence of an unsupervised party. But organised attempts to damage and steal your property - absolutely not something you turn a blind eye to.

My DC is responsible as are her friends.

All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish,

Well which one was it? She either invited people who aren't her friends, or is a very bad judge of character. Both her and yourself are far too naive to be allowing parties like this to happen.

This. I have teenagers. No way would I allow 40! 10-12 is enough.

The argument of “it’s your fault, what do you expect from 40 teens” is the equivalent argument as girls wearing revealing clothes are ‘asking for it. Victim blaming.

There comes a point when 16 year olds are responsible for their own behaviour without needing to be supervised 24/7. What you do about it and how you know who did what is up to you but YANBU to expect better behaviour.

Depressing that the girls cleaned up the boys mess.
Daft off you to go out!
BUT contact the parents, the reason people get away with stuff is because there is no consequences.

My SIL had this with her DD. 18th Birthday party in the garden. Invitees boys and girls from nice independent school, ‘nice boys’. She stayed in the house.

She had to call some of the parents to come and collect their boys. The noise, damage, the mess, throwing up. He Dd was mortified. She said never again.

Another friend, really big bloke, stayed in the house, he had to stop the party early and chuck everybody out when they stated throwing food around the kitchen.(party food, but also things like rice, cereal)still had an iPhone and other stuff nicked. It was his sons party and again mostly boys from an independent school.

There is something about the developing brain and alcohol (more so with boys), that just sets them off into wild behaviour.

Op you have learned your lesson. Your Dd and her girlfriends have learned their lesson. I see no reason not to let the boys learn their lesson.

Everyone saying this is what teenagers do. But in this case it was the boys.

Theres been a saying for a long time, Boys will be Boys, which has been changed to Boys will be held accountable for their actions. If the girls had been part of the misbehaviour, then their parents would have to be told too.

This is a dangerous age for teenage reckless behaviour. Alcohol can make it double. Girls generally need to keep themselves safe from other boys and men. Boys often need saving from themselves when drunk. Eg driving, fighting, foolhardiness.

If you don’t do something, the message you are sending to the girls is that expectations are higher for girls. There are so many threads on mumsnet about how low expectations are for boys.and men. This is where it starts.

If nothing else your Dd needs to learn that the boys should have been clearing up the mess they made, but as usual it was left to the girls.

For your DDs sake so she can learn to expect better from boys, tell the parents.

If you hadn't been stupid enough to leave 40 teenagers unattended in your house to begin with, this would never have happened.

You have nobody to blame but yourself.

What the bloody hell did you think was going to happen?!

If your DC was concerned it was getting out of hand he could have called you.

Obviously they arent all "nice boys". Which, btw, sounds a lot like the old days of not needing condoms because nice boys from nice families dont have STIs.

But yanbu to phone the parents of the main boy. I would want to know if my dc was involved in anything like this.

sone random woman call me about a huge party she allowed to have at her home with no adult present and tell me my son did XYZ. I would ask him, and if he denied it, then I would say that unless she had proof, I don’t ever want to hear from her again

This is really difficult as I'd want to know if my son had done this so I could make him apologise BUT I'd want to know it was definitely him and not any of the others and I'd be extremely annoyed to learn you'd left them all completely unsupervised. Without an adult in the house I'd say a bit of mud is getting off lightly here, what is one of them had gotten completely drunk and put themselves at risk? Or there'd been a fight? Or someone brought drugs to your house?

This wouldn't have happened if you'd stayed at home.

40 teens in your home unsupervised?!

Hope you changed your sheets before you go into bed last nigh!!

I find it hard to believe that OP knows all 40 parents of these kids.

I don’t think contacting them is unreasonable but I imagine there’s a fair chance they will just laugh at you for your own stupidity here really. You left 40 16 year olds unattended for a party, it was never going to end without something getting dirty or broken or worse. You should have stayed in the house.