Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

[thecranberries]

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

Difficult. Your DD and friends say he was the main instigator. He will probably deny that to his parents and blame others ...who he might not name. Then it is the girls word against his and his parents will probably believe him. Even getting them round to survey the damage doesn't prove it was him. So you end up with a big row between two sets of parents and nothing resolved. If it was a group of boys I think you would get more help with the damage if you said you know it wasn't just him and you are expecting the group of boys to clear up/ pay for the damage.

Just clean up , move on and don’t have any more teen parties in the middle of winter , in fact don’t have anymore teen parties at home . I wouldn’t embarrass my child by ringing the parents .

40 unsupervised teenagers and all that happened was muddy carpets? I think you've been very lucky.

🤣 you left 40 sisters year olds home alone? No doubt with alcohol!

If these boys gatecrashed, then yes - call their parents.

Doesn’t sound like they did though.

Your daughter is old enough to bear the risk and responsibility on her guests. She was as foolish as you to have 40 and not ask you to stay. So reduce the time impact of this on you by leaving her in charge of the unexpected extra clean up - which largely consists of calling a carpet cleaning company to do it for you.

Lawns are hardy things, I doubt it’s ruined. Send your daughter out to fill the holes.

I agree with others that you shouldn't have left the house but I would still speak to their parents.

I'm not condoning the behaviour, but what on earth posessed you to leave 40 teens in your home?
You put too much responsibility on your daughter by leaving her to deal with the consequences of all those unsupervised 16 year olds.

I'm sorry OP but this was self inflicted on your part. You couldn't pay me enough to allow 40 teenagers alone unsupervised in my home. You should consider yourself lucky that it's only dirt and not damage.

I would contact to let them know but the cost would be down to you, as others have said 40 and you left. My dc broke some garden furniture and I was glad I was informed and made him apologise in person, I offered to pay but not taken up

40 unsupervised teens- what an earth were you thinking by leaving them alone??? 😱

The clumpy trainers comment is odd. Do they have more lawn-wrecking capability than regular trainers then?
Were you hoping they’d all be in high heels for a nice bit of lawn aeration?

You should have been supervising. You can’t shift blame.

YABVU
Having a party of 40 teenagers in your house unsupervised is completely irresponsible. I could do an endless list of things that could have gone wrong while you were out. I think you got off lightly. I think if you contact the parents they probably wouldn't care. I would be extremely surprised if they will take responsibility for the damage.

While I also think you were a bit daft to go out and leave them, I also think the level and type of mess is not what you’d be expecting to clear up after a teenage party. Going out to the shed and dumping your stuff was sheer vandalism and, on that basis, I would contact the boy’s’ parents.

The “lead” boy? What does this even mean? They’re all equally responsible including yourself for being so naive you leave 40 teenagers alone and didn’t expect total carnage when you returned. 4 teenagers I’d expect a tidy house, 14 I’d expect mess and some breakages.. 40!!! Ffs 🤦‍♀️

It was stupid of you to go out and leave them.

40? FORTY? I think you got off lightly with a bit of lawn damage and a muddy carpet.

I think as a parent I’d like to know if my boys / kids behaved like this.
I’d be absolutely mortified - regardless if you went out / stayed home etc. I’d still want to know if my 16 yo was acting like this in someone else’s home.

Absolutely staggering to find out that kids who go to private school can be little shits as well. Who knew?!

Given the state of some parties I went to as a teen, I'd say you got away lightly. We used to get up to far more interesting things than digging up a lawn.

I don’t know what everyone else was doing as teens but I wouldn’t have dug up a friends garden and wrecked the house supervised or unsupervised? It’s quite a weird and very disruptive thing to do. Running on the lawn and causing a bit of damage I could accept but digging it up with tools from the shed? Very deliberate vandalism. Going against the grain but would call the parents, OP. Not to necessarily expect any contribution but so they are aware. I would be thoroughly ashamed if any of my children behaved like that.

No 40 teens and I’d have been expecting to clean up after inc cleaning carpets. The lawn will also come back. The issue is only the Dyson as the girls used it to clean wet mud

OP was stupid for letting the kids in her house unsupervised. The "lead boy" in particular is an arsehole who is old enough to know better and should be punished. These things can both be true at once.

This.

Exactly this!

No. It was foolish to leave teenagers alone for a party in your house. As a parent I would have checked if you were there before I allowed mine to come anyway. Anyone who leaves 40 teenagers in their house without adults present is unlikely to come back to it looking the same imho.