To be disappointed DP hasn't proposed

[ConfusedFlamingo]

I feel a bit pathetic even writing this... but I can't help but be disappointed and sad.

DP and I have been together for 10 years. For the past 4 years or so I have mentioned that I would like to get married – I have also made clear that I'm not interested in a big, fancy wedding and that I'd be just as happy with civil service or us eloping somewhere just the two of us (nothing elaborate, just a holiday with a civil service somewhere). I have discussed with him that it would make me feel more secure as 'de facto' is not a thing here in the UK (I'm from Aus where couples have the same rights as a married couple after cohabitating for a certain number of years). This isn't something I've brought up constantly – maybe once or twice a year. I'm worried that if we were to have kids, or one of us were ill, or were to pass away that everything would be that much more difficult as we wouldn't be seen as being 'family'. For context, we don't have kids – we were TTC but are going through fairly significant fertility issues.

He has not been that keen whenever I have brought marriage up (his parents did not have a happy marriage, and he has had several friends divorce shortly after getting married), but last year asked if it was something I was still interested in. I said it definitely was. He asked again a few months later. Towards the end of the year, he told me about a jeweller he had seen on IG whose work he thought I would like (which is a pretty unusual thing for him to do) – the jeweller in question specialises in engagement jewellery and her work is definitely my style, and I told DP I loved it. And, I kind of felt that maybe he was about to propose... it was my birthday recently and I really thought that I might be getting a ring.. but obviously didn't. I didn't say anything, but can't help but feel disappointed.

I don't know what to do. I've told him that it's important to me. He knows why. I'm not asking for anything ridiculous. I honestly don't even care if there is a ring, I just want the security of being recognised as being each other's family. I don't want to become that girl that forces a partner to get married, but after 10 years and approaching 40 I also don't want to be in this situation. I feel a bit stupid and pathetic even writing this but I just feel like I need some advice.

I have my own critical illness cover, life insurance, and my own pension, and I’d still have 50% of my assets. Yes, he could leave me for someone else, but I’d be no worse or better off financially I’d he did.

That's not strictly true. If you were married and you became disabled and/or he left you, you would have no right to stay in the marital home with your children. You would have to either buy him out if you had the cash and he agreed, or move out.

If you are married, you generally would have that right to stay in the family home. It was one of the key things that convinced us to get married.

He can also change his will and other legal documents without you knowing about it. He could even marry someone else without your knowledge and disinherit your children. There are a lot, a LOT, of reasons to get a marriage certificate.

I think you've mixed up the 'sexist and outdated' trappings of weddings, with the basic legal contract of marriage, which protects both partners and your children in case of all sorts of eventualities.

obviously the second sentence should say "if you were unmarried* you would have no right to stay in the family home"

OP, don't be swayed by these fire and vitriol posts. You're the one who's been with your partner for 10 years, you know him. I don't think he's being cruel and teasing you at all.

We have common law partnerships after two years where I live too. I wasn't born here and so the concept is relatively alien to me, but I don't dislike it. It doesn't automatically give the partner access to your pension, bank accounts etc but it does recognise the concept of jointly owned property and assets and distributes those evenly with the common law partner if you split. The practical side of this is that it encourages people to think a little more about sizeable investments they make ahead of time, knowing that they're going to have to split them evenly if things don't work out - rather than the UK situation where one person invests far more heavily than the other, gets married, ends up wanting a divorce and is then like "...what do you mean I have to give this leech half of everything?"

Unmarried couples also have the right to remain and the right to stay in the home, providing they are both on the mortgage or lease (which we are)

All of our assets are joint so I’m entitled to half of it in event if a split anyway.

These things you are mentioning are really only relevant when there is a significant earning discrepancies between the people in the relationship.

@WineDup and if you're not on the mortgage or lease?

Then getting married or getting yourself onto the mortgage/lease is a good idea?

My point is that it’s really easy to protect yourself financially without marriage.