To object to my child being coded unauthorised absence

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300 miles from home for Christmas with my elderly mum she was taken to hospital on Christmas Eve, spent 4 days in A&E and was then admitted to a ward where she died on 4th January. I was with her, she passed away very gently.

I let school know that we probably wouldn’t be able to return home for the start of term and have kept them updated.

I have made support arrangements for my child who has an EHCP and definitely needs to be with me.

Due to pressure on Hospitals and Registrars I couldn’t register Mum’s death until 13th and she couldn’t be picked up by the funeral directors until yesterday.

Her funeral is next week.

In the midst of all this my child’s father has discovered his rapidly increasing symptoms are probably not a trapped nerve but could well be Motor Neuron Disease.

I am feeling pretty unreasonable, irritable even. And I know it (fellow Alanon member insert wry laugh here).

FFS is it the best the education system can do to describe my child’s absence as unauthorised? Will transport to school which I have never used, although theoretically eligible, now offer a private jet? I somehow think not.

Rant not over but to be continued.

Supportive swearing will be much appreciated. Any suggestions however unusual will be gratefully or humorously considered, as required. And if you think I should cancel my mum’s funeral, abandon my child’s father or officially withdraw my kid from state education and start homeschooling please don’t hesitate to tell me. I’ll have the biggest bunch of flowers ever for the wonderful TA who has turned my little chap’s learning and friendships around 180 degrees.

Fuck off now any other character building opportunities.

With kindness, I think you are catastrophising. Understandably your child is off school with you. Him being marked as unauthorised absence doesn't actually mean anything.

Take the time you need.

So are you still 300 miles away now?

Leave them to it. It's irrelevant. Just take the time you need.

What a shit show of ‘luck’ you have had recently- life truly sucks at times.
however, from school’s perspective there is little they can do. There are guidelines and rules about coding absence- it’s not personal. Infact the head may have every sympathy for the situation. Attendance, and in particular for those with ehcp, is monitored. Ofsted will look closely at it. Any attempt to bend the rules will result in problems for them.
Try to ignore a meaningless letter on a register. You have enough to deal with.
I’m glad there is someone in school who gets your child.

Most arrangements can be made from a distance. There’s no need to stay for weeks on end and it probably would be good for your child to be back in school with friends. However, as a pp said, it doesn’t actually mean anything so why are you getting so caught up on it? They can’t authorise 3 weeks of absence because you’ve decided to stay 300 miles away indefinitely.

Yes, you’re BU. I’m really sorry that you’re going through such a shitty time, but your child needs some sort of normality returning to their day. It’s not clear where you actually are or where your child’s father is. If you’re still away, come home, get your child back in school, take time to grieve and plan your mum’s funeral.
in the grand scheme of things, it’s pretty irrelevant that school have marked the absence as unauthorised. They cannot authorise such a lengthy absence in these circumstances.

Wanted to give you a big hug! What a horrible time.

I did mark YABU not because you are unreasonable at all for being peeved at the school, but because they have to put this, they are very limited and it doesn’t mean a thing being unauthorized. The word sounds very horrible doesn’t it, unauthorized, but no one takes notice you just do what you need to do.

I personally do not think that your kids need to be in school for normality. Missing a few weeks isn’t going to harm them one bit. They will probably like the lie ins. I don’t know about what penalties you might face though from the school system, so I’d look into that just in case you have a whole heap of stress just from that.

I’m so very sorry for your loss, what a fucking dreadful time

In the old days, it could have been recorded as a C for condoned or under bereavement. Now with trusts and CEOs, OFSTED, targets of 95% plus (although latter was always thus) etc many hands are tied.
If they decide to massage their stats then it will be changed to an M. If not, then expect the standard letter about how many lessons missed it equates to and inherent threats about fines and EWO.
Fuck it all. Take it with a firm pinch of salt. It is what it is, a box-ticking, pen-pushing exercise at the best and worst of times. Attendance officer jobs are bloody awful. Wouldn't want to do it even with a payrise.

I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time. I’m struggling to understand why you need to stay at your Mum’s for this length of time. Once you booked your appointment to register your Mum’s death then you could have gone home and returned to make the appointment. Where was your Mum before been collected by the undertakers? If at the hospital then you didn’t need to do anything.

I don't think you'll get all the responses you hope for here unfortunately, but I understand your stress, you're going through a shitty time and an MND diagnosis hanging over you is awful, I'm sorry. Rant away, I really hope it's good news for your dh. Take care.

Sorry for your loss. But, it Seems fair to put it down as unauthorised absence. What else could it be deemed as. Just to warn you that some / most employers only give a few days off for a parr rents death and allow only a day for the funeral. When will you be back home? Your child return to school? Some children have been back at school for 3 full weeks now.

What a horrible time for you all. The code on the absence register honestly doesn't matter though. It will have no effect on your dc. Try not to let that bother you on top of anything else as it's inconsequential in the long run

The school have to record it as unauthorised as he was well and could have been in school on those days.

I'm sorry op, I think you are in a difficult situation and you are doing what you can.
Obviously you need together your child back to school ASAP, but don't worry about the unauthorised absence, its just a red tape.

The last bit didn't make sense, I should have said red tape or a red tape thing!

It doesn't matter. So your child has a few weeks unauthorised absence with good reason. It doesn't matter.

Give your energy where it's much more needed.

I am so sorry about your mum

However school can't authorise several weeks off when your child is technically fit and well - it's just not something they're allowed to do.

They're not doing it to punish you or piss you off, or make an already difficult time worse, they're just doing their jobs.

What would you prefer it was marked as?

so sorry for your loss.

gently, it doesn't actually matter that this absence is coded as unauthorised. you aren't going to be fined for them, so it's just a bit of data with no real meaning.

you are focusing on this tiny thing to get upset about because you can blame someone else's unreasonable decision fir it, and get angry, whereas all the other overwhelming and upsetting things being thrown at you are no one's fault.

take the time you need to grieve. look after your family as much as you can, and ask for help from those around you if there's anything that would be helpful. people don't mind being asked when it's due to a bereavement, even if they aren't close enough that you could ask for favours in more normal times.

So sorry for your loss Op . You have a lot on your plate, if I was in your shoes I would care how school marked my child’s absence, try not to worry about it.

It's unauthorised.

Move On. It s not like it will stop him becoming successful...

Sorry to read of your bereavement.

Schools as I understand it have little or no discretion in how they record or even permit absence. Perhaps let your MP know how unreasonable this is in due course.

So he has been off for three weeks already? I get it’s hard for you to juggle everything and it’s a tragic set of circumstances but there is no way a school could authorise such a long absense because as hard as it is you could have had him back at school.

I thought you only had 5 days to register a death?