To object to my child being coded unauthorised absence

[BestFaceForward]

300 miles from home for Christmas with my elderly mum she was taken to hospital on Christmas Eve, spent 4 days in A&E and was then admitted to a ward where she died on 4th January. I was with her, she passed away very gently.

I let school know that we probably wouldn’t be able to return home for the start of term and have kept them updated.

I have made support arrangements for my child who has an EHCP and definitely needs to be with me.

Due to pressure on Hospitals and Registrars I couldn’t register Mum’s death until 13th and she couldn’t be picked up by the funeral directors until yesterday.

Her funeral is next week.

In the midst of all this my child’s father has discovered his rapidly increasing symptoms are probably not a trapped nerve but could well be Motor Neuron Disease.

I am feeling pretty unreasonable, irritable even. And I know it (fellow Alanon member insert wry laugh here).

FFS is it the best the education system can do to describe my child’s absence as unauthorised? Will transport to school which I have never used, although theoretically eligible, now offer a private jet? I somehow think not.

Rant not over but to be continued.

Supportive swearing will be much appreciated. Any suggestions however unusual will be gratefully or humorously considered, as required. And if you think I should cancel my mum’s funeral, abandon my child’s father or officially withdraw my kid from state education and start homeschooling please don’t hesitate to tell me. I’ll have the biggest bunch of flowers ever for the wonderful TA who has turned my little chap’s learning and friendships around 180 degrees.

Fuck off now any other character building opportunities.

In England unauthorised absence is a potential issue - too much and you are flagged to the educational welfare office and inclusion team. Failure to engage can (and has for others) led to fines and court summons. It isn’t something to be ignored.

OP are you contacting the school regularly daily/weekly. Infrequent messages are a red flag. Stress how this is affecting your child. Mental health/anxiety is an authorised absence. Say the effect that this has had and give a timeline of your return and that your child is currently not well enough to attend school

having been through this recently (prolonged absence of half a term) absence codes are tricky and very much statutory led

@EmmaEmerald oh come on. We all understand her grief, but you can't keep a kid off school for 3+ weeks.

The fact you cite grief pretty much answers my question.

Can't DC's dad take him home so he can go to school while you stay and sort things at your mum's?

A workplace often wouldn't give any time off for death of a grandparent. I had to take my grandparents funerals as annual leave. Haven't experienced death of a parent thank goodness but I doubt they'd give 3 weeks

Thank you everyone who has posted. Every single view is genuinely appreciated. This is the first moment I’ve had since creating the thread at 6.30am in a fit of fury and despair with one of the few things in human control. I haven’t been able to read every post but I’ve read almost all.

20 years ago I could have driven 300 miles overnight got a child to school and slept for a few hours during the day. I could have organised quite a complicated funeral on the hoof and I could have gone back and forth several times during the month in order to take my child’s Dad to his medical appointments - he lives in my Mum’s area. Unfortunately his care needs are also higher as a result of the as yet undiagnosed progressive neurological condition.

School couldn’t have been kinder and you are right that it’s not that important how it’s coded and you are right that the Scottish coding system would be kinder.

And if my little boy has to see his father gradually lose all muscle control, his ability to speak and sing, and help me plan his funeral before he leaves primary school I will not care that this year his absence was unauthorised and they had some time together when the symptoms are at an early stage.

Its difficult and I’m doing my best and I hope against hope that it’s something treatable but he’s not likely to get the use of his dominant hand back or be able to play football in the park.

Next job flowers, it will make me feel better.

Op, what is your child actually doing all day?

EYFS trained highly experienced support Nanny/PA (son has DLA) 24-30 hours per week, just so you know. Doing stuff like Aquarium/park/board games with dice/sciencey things. Very play based with good content plus appropriate emotional support and child centred core.

I realised when Mum was put on end of life care that we needed help and was lucky enough to find descendant of Mary Poppins.

You sounds like a brilliant person and a good mum, @BestFaceForward.

And you don’t think just a teeny tiny bit relevant to your OP?! 😐

How are you balancing with your own work OP?

@BestFaceForward is your child year 6? With a high school picked out? In which case I would say removing and home schooling for the remainder of year 6 setting out what your nanny does and requesting the high school contact you directly is the best way forward.

Unlije the Scottish system the English one could get you in some trouble

Devine OP told us her son has ECHP. Generally, in posts like this, I go with "everyone is doing their best".

OP, your best sounds particularly amazing.

good wishes to you and your family xx

So in essence you ARE home schooling. Which sounds perfect for your child btw.
Im still confused about where you’re actually living at the moment though. At home, at your mums, at your child’s father (whom I gather you don’t live with)?

Have as many 🌺🌺as you need, OP and please disregard all the officious twattery on here. You're doing marvelously in very difficult circumstances, and sometimes education is just not a priority for a while.
You're by far the best judge of what your DC needs and where he should be at the moment.
And if you yourself need more time before you're ready to go back to work, see your GP. You don't have to dance to anybody else's tune while you're going through this. Take care of yourself too.
More 🌺for you.

Yes but the follow up reveals he’s actually receiving more educational support and general assistance than he would in the hours of school!!

OP you talk about your child's father but I guess he's not your partner. You don't talk as if you are together as a couple.
Are you effectively a single parent, with occasional father input?

If so, well done for doing all of this on your own.

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, mn is a horrific disease, we lost a friend to it a couple of years ago.

I would say I understand you need to focus on something to get your anger out, and no reason why it shouldn’t be this, but the coding isn’t personal. They are not asking you to hire a private jet. It’s just a generic code.

From your update I’d class that as home schooling would you want to keep that up? You could unenroll.

Mental health/anxiety is an authorised absence.

Not necessarily. I work in a school and the LA have been clear we cannot code absences for Mental Health as authorised without medical evidence.

I think in the shorter term government guidance says that schools should not ask for unnecessary medical evidence and it should only be requested if they doubt the veracity of it - so I would not like a LA policy that has all mental health absences as needing medical evidence (although longer term they should)

@BestFaceForward if you are in England and are not in fairly constant contact they can and potentially will start fining and court proceedings. Unauthorised absence (and indeed attendance in general) is a real cornerstone of educational policy. If you are thinking in the medium term to stay and given the resource you have deregistering him I think is the least stressful option.

or aim to get back home for after half term.

Firstly Sorry for your loss, it's a difficult time for you all.

Under grief emotions tend to be far more sensitive, the unauthorised absence doesn't mean anything. I can't say we have had them for such circumstances but we have for holidays. Honestly leave the school to whatever they are doing, it's not worth a thought!

Many children (including my own) have medical conditions which mean lots of absence in hospital, therefore these children cannot obtain 100% attendance awards and certificates... it's rubbish but that's life.. I don't even bother think about it.. that's schools for you. Let them mark down what they like.

Hope you can concentrate on your grief and arrangements

Sorry, being dim, what do you mean?

I say this with all the kindness but what a shit time! Did you not consider using a privately commissioned helicopter to take him to school. Maybe propose this to the LA!
So sorry OP, but don't worry, life is shit at times without you feeling the pressure from school too 🌻

Because you’re being kind enough to try and understand I’ll try and give a coherent explanation. It’s not all that complicated I’m just exhausted.

Term time: me and kid town A
school holidays: me and kid city B

Family in both places with multiple health issues. Whole thing legacy of Covid chaos.

Dont live with kids Dad but regard him as family. He lives same city as my Mum and other relatives. Due to disability and now illness he can only do limited supervision for kid (who’s Y3). Symptoms of current illness mean he can’t use dominant hand eg cutlery eg can’t butter bread or lift kettle or mug. Trouble with using keys, buttons. Legs wobbly, first signs of problems with swallow.