Found messages on DH phone

[GreenFox]

I know I shouldn't have snooped but something was niggling at me.

I found whatsapp messages the other day between him and a "colleague." They both work remotely but for the same company so I don't think they've ever actually met irl.

He was being overly flirtatious and complimentary towards her. It looks like a lot of previous messages have been deleted so I think they have been chatting for a long time. A lot of it was work stuff. She's about 10 years younger than him from what I can see and most of the time brushes off what he's saying or brings it back to work chat.

He told her that she is perfect and "I would love to be with someone like you." "You are everything I have ever wanted." These messages were sent late at night and she didn't respond. The next day he messaged her at 7am asking if she was annoyed at him. 😖

We've been together for years and have a 1 year old DS. I'm the main breadwinner and have supported him through a lot of issues.

If she decides to show those messages to his/their boss he’d likely be fired. You don’t want to be with someone like him. But you are not going to do anything about it anyway.

Me too. His behaviour is disgraceful.

She knows he’s married and by the sounds of it, at least she’s basically not having none of it.

You deserve better OP 💐

Tell him to pack his bags and leave tonight.

if I was a women and had someone like that messaging me is have to tell him to stop I’m not interested

Throw him out.

Forward the messages to him and tell him his bags will be packed when he returns

What a knob. I'm sorry

She hasn’t blocked him either or told him to stop. I don’t know what kind of reply Awwww is when it should be Stop. Not that I’m blaming her.

Seek legal advice.
Find out how you will manage
Get all your ducks in a row
Do not confront him do not let him lie to you.
Then decide.

She’s clearly not interested in him but he won’t let it go. He’s vile op

Leave his bags outside better still!! I’m the damp we’re mould grows

It’s far easier now when your child is so young so will never know any different. I’m sorry. I went through similar, only my disgusting ex was sending these kind of messages to his friends ex wife and she was reciprocating. I know you feel you have to talk to him but honestly I really wish when it happened to me I hadn’t bothered. He will just turn it back on you and make all kinds of “reasons” that will make you question yourself and wonder if it’s your fault he was driven to do this 🙄. Men who do this often don’t mind adding a big load of gas lighting on to the situation.

Exactly

He sounds like a pest. He's older, is he also more senior? I hope she reports him and you live happily ever after without him

I wouldn’t confront him until you had time to think abut it, talk to a lawyer and have thoughts about your options. He would probably go into panic mode trying to reassure you and you could get very confused.

@hatonacat she may not have blocked him. Perhaps she doesn’t want to start conflict at work or something. However, he’s told her he will be at a hotel in some city, hinting at something else and her response is ‘why are you telling me?’
OP has also said she hardly responds so that is showing her disinterest.

It sounds to me like she’s trying to manage a difficult situation that could impact on her job. She can hardly block a work colleague can she? Women are often put in the position, where they have to try to keep things amenable while holding a predatory man at arms length.

What a shitty thing to have to deal with OP. You must feel totally devestated.

Men can be total pigs! You deserve better.

Sending lots of love and strength to you

True.. He is a creep and a predator. Yuk.

Op when he tells you nothing has happened, he has not done anything wrong, it’s your fault. Tell him you’ll send the screenshots to his boss and let the boss decide if it’s right or wrong.

She hasn’t blocked him either or told him to stop. I don’t know what kind of reply Awwww is when it should be Stop. Not that I’m blaming her.

My last post was in response to this.

You are blaming her. It's difficult to block someone you need to be in contact with for work.

Sorry OP. He's making a fool of himself, don't let him make a fool of you too.

Oh op. Im sorry this is happening. But. You're making excuses for his behaviour. I think this post is an outlet for you and unfortunately you have no inclination to leave him. Thats sad to gather. Good luck to you.

Get hold of his phone.

Under her name, change the number to yours.

Message him as her, saying something like “But what about your wife?” or similar.

When he says something like “We haven’t slept together for years” or any variation of the script, get angry and take him to the cleaners.