DP told me I need to do more with DC.

[WhatsMyUsername89]

I’m exhausted our DD is 10 months and still waking twice a night for feeds. Which i do as in the week DP works (stil on matleave) & at weekends DP will get up early with DC so I can sleep in.

last night, for the first time ever, our DD woke up at 9:30pm for a feed and then slept until 6am!!!!!!!! Im elated.

it’s currently 00:40 the next night and DD has already woken 4 times.

yesterday I’d taken DD to soft play, was there for 1.5hrs. Then came straight home, DD spent most of the time sat in the ball pit trying to bite the balls.

DP has just told me I need to do more with DD as that’s obviously why she slept SO well last night.

let me tell you this, our DD has enough toys to fill a toy shop & I am playing with her always. We do sensory games. Painting. Today I had to go to the shops. DP says this is why she’s woken tonight already, because she was STUCK in a pram. I was at the shops for maybe 1.5-2 hours. The rest of the time we were at home playing. Personally I think fresh air is good for a child.

DP has said I need to do more with her.

I feel pissed off. I have no idea why DD would have slept so well last night. unless 1.5hr at a soft play trying to eat a plastic ball HAS exhausted her. Naps have been the same as always.

i genuinely don’t know what else I can do with her? Im DESPERATE for full nights sleep. & I’m upset that DP thinks I must do more.

I just stared In shock. I go back to work next month so if his theory is correct at least she’ll sleep all night after nursery.

i exhausted and feel like I’m doing all I can. To be told to do more.

The day a man tells his exhausted wife that she needs to be doing more is the day she stops cooking his meals, doing his laundry and cleaning the house for at least a month.

You sound like you are doing fine. Ignore him!

I mean this in the nicest way but I think he might be right 😬 We had the same with our little one and ended up sending him to nursery to wear him out and being really strict with bedtimes. He’s like a different baby, being sat in a pram really doesn’t equate for us, even if I went out on a two hour mission it’s only when he’s doing stuff/ seeing and interacting with new people that he’s tired enough

@xxcatcatcatxx really? Even though I’ve played with her all day today except when we popped to the shops? How on earth can I do it…. I’m desperate for my sleep but need to run a house and can’t be going out to soft plays everybday

Maybe take baby out instead of cooking dinner/housework/washing his skivvies etc..see what he thinks about that one

It was probably just a fluke! You might want to find some groups nearby though just for your own sanity though! Baby and toddler groups in churches for instance are cheap and usually get a cup of tea!

I have a similar age who doesn't sleep well we go to softplay once a week with his big brother doesn't make a blind bit of difference to how he sleeps that night! He also does swimming which I know tires him out so will sleep well for the first 3 hour chunk but then back to normal.

The thing about baby sleep is.....there is no thing. You could drive yourself mad trying to recreate every single step of every day that she slept through. Or, more rationally, you could take her sleeping through for the first time as an indicator that she's starting to be developmentally ready to do so and just....celebrate that it's coming.

It's not a linear progression. They start to sleep through in fits and starts. Some kids seem to do it no problem and the number of nights they sleep through just increases. My youngest was like this. Others take seemingly forever and eventually you need to do something a bit more concrete about helping them to do so before you actually become delirious through lack of sleep. My oldest was like this but he was AWFUL, like, once slept for only 20 minutes in an entire 48 hour period awful.

It's nothing to do with what you're doing right now. She's ten months old! When I was working in health visiting (up to last year) we wouldn't even take referrals for sorting out sleep until they were 1 year old because it really can take up to that age to be developmentally ready.

I'd tell your husband to shove it personally.

Yeah, obviously purely anecdotal. He napped so much better too if we’d take him to a playgroup before we started him at nursery. It is annoying I’m such an introvert and hate socialising but definitely noticed a difference

Our little one is also 10 months if that helps

I think he needs more to base his rationale on than ONE night that she slept through. Maybe he can take her out at the weekend and tire her out... Test his theory himself instead of making you feel like shit.

P.s. I'm very hormonal and grumpy so sorry if I sound awful!

He’s a knob but he might be right. My LO has always slept better if he’s been to a group, soft play, the park etc through the day (no matter how many activities I plan at home). I try to get out and do something everyday, for my own benefit as well as his.

This quite often means I leave housework for later and DH has to do his fair share after work 🤷‍♀️.

The thing is with babies if something works one day you can be sure it won’t the next!

Did she move an awful lot more at soft play than she usually does?

If the answer is yes, then I'd day that yes, she needs to move more.

Is she walking or still crawling?

10 month sleep regression. Going through it now!

Baby sleep is reading tea leaves. You think something works but there's not way to tell.

And DH isn't management and you aren't staff. He doesn't direct your work. If he wants her to do more, he can take her to soft play every Saturday and Sunday and see if it works. Better try for a few weeks to make sure is causal.

He is wrong. Being outside in fresh air though always made a difference to their sleep.

And then when you're busy all day and they don't sleep it'll be 'they're overstimulated and can't wind down'.

Your dp seems to have it figured out, he should share his wisdom with all the other parents of babies who don't sleep well. Clearly no one has thought of this brilliant idea and if we all had this wisdom bestowed upon us our babies would all magically sleep through the night.

Oh my goodness it was most likely a fluke! I mean I partly agree with him that when they are toddlers they definitely do sleep better if they have had a good run around and spent minimal time ‘contained’. The best thing that happened to DS’ sleep was learning to walk and run…but that is really difficult for a none-walker!

What @HeddaGarbled said.

Your H is being a prat.

He needs to spend a lot more time taking care of the baby, day and night.

He needs to do the night waking on Friday and Saturday nights.

This should be framed.

thesleepcharity.org.uk/information-support/children/

My eldest is 3, I have spent every day since she could move trying to wear her out so she sleeps all night. I used to walk her for actual miles as soon as she could walk. Bad news is it made no differenece and still doesnt. Some nigts she sleeps and others she doesn't, there has been no correlation betwen activities and sleeo for her. I got fed uo of people saying 'she'll sleep tonight' after watching her zoom about

I’ve clicked on YANBU. But in reality it may make a difference. Little kids in the main need to be given the opportunity to burn off energy to sleep but idk at what age that really happens. I didn’t have the problem with not going through the night at this age because I tanked dd up by expressing before DD’s first feed then gave that for the late night feed. That was a life saver for me.

But going out is different to staying at home, even for adults it is. It is more stimulating and more tiring. If your husband made this as a kind suggestion, thinking it might actually help and help you importantly, I wouldn’t be too hard on him. Of course I could be fluke, but I don’t think he is a bad person for suggesting something, as I say, long as he did it nicely and understands something else will need to slide.