DP told me I need to do more with DC.

[WhatsMyUsername89]

I’m exhausted our DD is 10 months and still waking twice a night for feeds. Which i do as in the week DP works (stil on matleave) & at weekends DP will get up early with DC so I can sleep in.

last night, for the first time ever, our DD woke up at 9:30pm for a feed and then slept until 6am!!!!!!!! Im elated.

it’s currently 00:40 the next night and DD has already woken 4 times.

yesterday I’d taken DD to soft play, was there for 1.5hrs. Then came straight home, DD spent most of the time sat in the ball pit trying to bite the balls.

DP has just told me I need to do more with DD as that’s obviously why she slept SO well last night.

let me tell you this, our DD has enough toys to fill a toy shop & I am playing with her always. We do sensory games. Painting. Today I had to go to the shops. DP says this is why she’s woken tonight already, because she was STUCK in a pram. I was at the shops for maybe 1.5-2 hours. The rest of the time we were at home playing. Personally I think fresh air is good for a child.

DP has said I need to do more with her.

I feel pissed off. I have no idea why DD would have slept so well last night. unless 1.5hr at a soft play trying to eat a plastic ball HAS exhausted her. Naps have been the same as always.

i genuinely don’t know what else I can do with her? Im DESPERATE for full nights sleep. & I’m upset that DP thinks I must do more.

I just stared In shock. I go back to work next month so if his theory is correct at least she’ll sleep all night after nursery.

i exhausted and feel like I’m doing all I can. To be told to do more.

I do. Every single day. Parks. 2 baby groups a week. Seeing other baby friends. But sometimes getting out means having to go to the shops. So DD is confined to a pushchair.

For babies who don’t sleep too well, I’ve always found swimming too be the best activity. They seem to sleep for ages after swimming.

When dd1 was a few months old we moved into the middle of the countryside and I couldn't drive. Dh was at work all day. So dd1 and I only ever went anywhere at the weekend. We did spend a lot of the day outside as I had things to do out there. We didn't go to a single mother and toddler group ever and barely saw another human being until dh came home. She slept well, was happy and grew up to be a happy successful 20+ year old. So I don't believe babies need tons of stimulating to sleep, it's just the luck of the draw.

I think he could of been more sensitive but that said a change of scene / fresh air does always wear them out more in my experience. It's probably exhausting for him also and he's trying to help in a man way 🤷‍♀️.

Not sure why some people are agreeing with your husband! I think you are doing great 😊 she us inky 10 months so not like she can run around all day! And I agree fresh air is really good for them...Just keep doing what you are.

Don't worry or stress yourself about it. I've got 3 dc and all sleep/slept differently. My youngest is nearly 10months old and still wakes at least twice per night. No matter what we do/don't do throughout the day. On the odd night he may sleep 7hr stretch and I feel like a new woman but the next night, he may be up constantly. It does pass though, have that in mind, its not going to be forever.

Hi OP,
Slightly off topic but look out for tummy bugs after soft play.
The amount of times my kids had an upset tummy or were sick a few days after softplay was lots. With an older kid it's easy to forget to clean their hands every time if they are running between play and snacks but if your little one was putting things in her mouth...

There are a lot of full nappies dragged round the soft play equipment.

When I night weaned my DS I reduced the amount of milk he could have during the night by 1/2 an ounce every 2-3 nights and he gradually started to either have more milk in the day or have more solids (like a pp said, perhaps adding in some porridge, banana or something else filling not long before she's put down might help her feel fuller for longer, we did this too). If your DD is still waking twice a night, you will probs need to concentrate on reducing one feed at a time (we were lucky enough that our DS mainly only woke once in the night for a feed from 4.5 months so only had to wean to drop the one feed).

Eventually we got down to only giving our DS 3 ounces when he woke up in the night and then he just stopped waking for feeds at night all together as he was getting enough in the day. I'm sorry it's not an overnight solution but overall I think it only took us around 10 days and worked really well for us. We did this when he was 8 months old as I was going back to work when he turned 9 months.

By all means your DH can test his theories out himself on the days he has to deal with the outcome (and he can do at least 1 of the night feeds even of he os working the next day!), but I personally think night weaning is your way forward. As others have said, baby sleep isn't linear but sometimes they wake for milk out of habit/comfort rather than being actually hungry. It's up to you (and your DH!) to break the cycle.

Tell him he's more than welcome to spend any time he has going to soft plays and the park and whatever else he thinks will make them sleep.

It's exhausting doing all that when you are running on empty and in the winter it's not nice feeling forced out of the house when you just want to be cosy indoors.

You are doing just fine. No amount of soft play will force a baby to sleep all night.

The only thing that snapped my DD out of it was taking her out, physical stuff like park/swings, soft play, play dates with her gps and cousins, classes and then come 7pm I'd give her a bottle in her cot after a bath and let her fall asleep. Sometimes she'd wake, sometimes not. But in general it made her sleep through till 6am.

All kids are different. But in general I find with most, at home activities never really tire them out.
Nursery will help. Your DP kinda has a point but I think he sounds like an arse. You do more than enough. I think change the home activities for stuff you need to leave the house for.

Well that’s fine then!

All this, especially the last line! Your oh hasn’t a clue.
Hopefully it is a sign your lo is getting ready to sleep through and not just a one off fluke, but either way don’t pull yourself apart worrying about it. It’s hard enough on no sleep and you are doing loads.

I'd take a couple of days and nights off so he could prove his theory. Wait! perhaps a weeks holiday for you would be better, then he'd REALLY know whether he was right!
A ten month old shouldn't need the milk at night for nutrition, so I'd try two things. I'd offer cereal last thing at night (whatever porridge type cereal is suitable for babies) in case she really is hungry at night, and I'd gradually water down the night time milk. It isn't good for her teeth for a start, having milk at night. It sounds like she hasn't learned to self soothe yet. Perhaps look into methods of helping her with that.

The best nap my eldest ever had was when the local brass band practiced outside our window. Babies don't do logic.

Sounds like you do loads. DH always took ours out for a couple of hours on a Saturday or Sunday, gave me a rest (or time to get something sorted) and them bonding time. "Dadddy time" is still important to them and they are 9&11 now (and its climbing wall and camping trips not soft play!)

Ignore him. You are doing great. You are doing much more than I do with my 9 month old. She is my third and I have 2 others under 6 and some days the only trips out of the house she does is taking the other 2 to school and preschool and back. She certainly doesn’t get all the one on one stimulation and activities you do with your DD as I am so busy sorting all 3 of their various needs out and trying to keep on top of keeping the house vaguely clean. Despite this my DD is a happy baby and sleeps like a dream. It’s luck of the draw how they sleep.

I think you sound like a lovley mum, and playing a lot with your child is great.

Home playing, and sitting in a push chair isn't really enough though, and that sounds like a very long time to be sitting still in a push chair.

walking practice around in the park holding hands? swings in playground? swimming? splashing in puddles? trip to farm/ zoo with friends?

also, husband does Friday and Saturday night, so you get a rest

Why are you doing all the wakeups? Don't say he works because that isn't a valid excuse.

Some people need to get out of the house each day for their own sanity, fair enough. I'm the opposite and happy at home, when my youngest was that age we did 3 baby groups a week and were doing pickups for her brother and sister so she had plenty of time out and about as I don't drive. Like you we did a lot of fun stuff at home too and sometimes she played with her toys whilst I did chores and kept on top of my home.

He is being unreasonable as he can take her out too. If he works Monday to Friday then he has the weekends to spend time with his child. There was a time before softplay and baby classes existed and people managed. If you have a nearby park or a garden, even better. Don't put pressure on yourself to always keep your child busy or occupied, free play is important too. Parents that do often male a rod for their own back as the toddler who always had to be kept busy becomes the 8 year old who can't play on their own and screams they are bored constantly.

Our DS was a terrible sleeper (even now, at 10, he doesn't sleep well). It didn't matter whether we'd stated at home all day, been out and active all day or he'd spent 8 hours on the go at nursery (without a nap) he would still wake 6-8 (or more!) times a night!
Each child is different, some sleep well from an early age and some don't!
Sleep deprivation is horrendous and I completely understand why it's used as a form of torture! Here's hoping your DD gets the memo about sleeping through very soon.

Fresh air and being outside with a change of scenery really does tire babies out, though.

But your h is being U.

From now on I'd focus on taking your LO out and doing things with them and leave the house alone - no shopping, no cleaning, no cooking. That is the whole purpose of your maternity leave. Nap when dd naps. Then see what your critical h says.

Does he look after LO much? Does he take her out to soft play at weekends? Does he get up with her in the night? Or does he just criticise you?

I think he might be right too, was the same in my case.

Being at home playing all day isn't taking enough energy. It's being out in different temperatures and seeing new things and exploring the world and the people. And being sat in a pram for 2 hours outside does help as they get out but it's not enough, that's why mine went to nursery as soon as they could as they needed it.

Ignore DP. Sleep is all over the place and I'm never sure what makes a difference. The only thing I'd say is there is a school of thought that playing in the house isn't all that stimulating and going out, including to shops, busy places, nature, seeing lots of things and people is actually better for stimulation...and of course she'll be in the pushchair or trolley because assume she can't walk!

Poor OP can’t win. Half the posters are telling her the baby is in the pram too long and the other half are telling her it’s vital she gets out more, which by default means more time in the pram…

I think you are doing great OP and I think it’s madness to chalk up ONE slightly better night’s sleep to a few hours sat chewing balls in a soft play centre. Your DH needs a bigger sample size and he can most definitely be the principal investigator at the weekend! Sounds like you have a great balance of mental stimulation from groups, physical stimulation from playing at home and time outside in the fresh air.

My second only sleeps through the night before he comes down with a cold! So yay for a night of sleep but then three days of snotty grumpy baby!

The reality is that some kids sleep well, and some don't - regardless of how tired they are! DS is ten now and still doesn't sleep well, never did as a baby and doesn't now. I'm 48 and I don't sleep well 🙄 We tried everything at that age - great routines, no stimulation before bed, lots of activities, staying with him, leaving him, co-sleeping. You name we've tried it. He was in full day childcare 3 days a week from 11 months and didn't sleep any better on those days either.

Sure, there are things you can try to help but it isn't a failure on your part if you have a non sleeper. The only time DS reliably sleeps is if we go on a cruise and the gentle rocking seems to do the trick, but clearly we can't live on a cruise ship!