Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

DP told me I need to do more with DC.

188 replies

WhatsMyUsername89 · 18/01/2023 00:47

I’m exhausted our DD is 10 months and still waking twice a night for feeds. Which i do as in the week DP works (stil on matleave) & at weekends DP will get up early with DC so I can sleep in.

last night, for the first time ever, our DD woke up at 9:30pm for a feed and then slept until 6am!!!!!!!! Im elated.

it’s currently 00:40 the next night and DD has already woken 4 times.

yesterday I’d taken DD to soft play, was there for 1.5hrs. Then came straight home, DD spent most of the time sat in the ball pit trying to bite the balls.

DP has just told me I need to do more with DD as that’s obviously why she slept SO well last night.

let me tell you this, our DD has enough toys to fill a toy shop & I am playing with her always. We do sensory games. Painting. Today I had to go to the shops. DP says this is why she’s woken tonight already, because she was STUCK in a pram. I was at the shops for maybe 1.5-2 hours. The rest of the time we were at home playing. Personally I think fresh air is good for a child.

DP has said I need to do more with her.

I feel pissed off. I have no idea why DD would have slept so well last night. unless 1.5hr at a soft play trying to eat a plastic ball HAS exhausted her. Naps have been the same as always.

i genuinely don’t know what else I can do with her? Im DESPERATE for full nights sleep. & I’m upset that DP thinks I must do more.

I just stared In shock. I go back to work next month so if his theory is correct at least she’ll sleep all night after nursery.

i exhausted and feel like I’m doing all I can. To be told to do more.

OP posts:

BunchHarman · 18/01/2023 06:54

Yeah, he can fuck off.

Cherrysoup · 18/01/2023 06:55

I know it’s not the same and IABU to compare, but when we had puppies, taking them anywhere different/new wiped them out and they’d be shattered afterwards. I’m hoping your Dh isn’t a thoughtless arsehole but he might be on the right lines.

Original poster

WhatsMyUsername89 · 18/01/2023 06:57

we do 1-2 baby groups a week. We see friends with babies every week, our house or there’s. Nothing seems to change the sleep. We go to the park etc. I do usually try to time the boring staying in a pram, with a nap time. Just it couldn’t have been helped yesterday.

soft play she barely moved, but it was busy so she was just taking it all in???

I said to him he can test his theory at the weekend and take her soft play while I chill out. Funnily enough he wasn’t sure then that it was the soft play.

OP posts:

Greybutterfly · 18/01/2023 06:57

As frustrating as it is he is right. I find my DD (9 months) is a nightmare if kept in all day and she has a mountain of toys. She is content and I play with her but she needs more.

Our best nights are after her weekly swimming or baby sensory classes. I will take her out every day to soft plays/zoos etc as she needs the stimulation and interaction with other babies and adults. This is the key development time and even just a walk around the farm with sights and smells is brilliant for them. It’s developing her social skills as well as tiring her out

Pipsquiggle · 18/01/2023 07:00

Are you breastfeeding? Where are you on weaning?

Does she eat /drink enough?

Going on to formula and increasing food was a game changer for both my DC and their sleeping. And of course sticking to a routine.

There are some babies who are just poor sleepers though

leafinthewind · 18/01/2023 07:01

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/01/2023 01:31

Baby sleep is reading tea leaves. You think something works but there's not way to tell.

And DH isn't management and you aren't staff. He doesn't direct your work. If he wants her to do more, he can take her to soft play every Saturday and Sunday and see if it works. Better try for a few weeks to make sure is causal.

This one: "DH isn't management and you aren't staff". Does he think you're stupid? That you can't interpret cause and effect? Because that's what he's saying and that's why your cross. (Well, plus your knackered and everyone is cross when they're knackered.)

He needs the "when I talk to you about this, I need moral support and not a fix" chat. And MrsTerryPratchett is right again when she says that he can test his pet theories himself at the weekend!

leafinthewind · 18/01/2023 07:02

Ha! I see that he's no longer so sure! Well done that woman!

Original poster

WhatsMyUsername89 · 18/01/2023 07:03

Pipsquiggle · 18/01/2023 07:00

Are you breastfeeding? Where are you on weaning?

Does she eat /drink enough?

Going on to formula and increasing food was a game changer for both my DC and their sleeping. And of course sticking to a routine.

There are some babies who are just poor sleepers though

Nope, FF. but DD has 3 meals a day. And 3 bottles in the day. Then wakes for 2 at night. So 5 bottles in 24hr period. DD was premature so HV/consultant are happy with her intake of milk and food as she’s “catching up”

OP posts:

Jusmakingit · 18/01/2023 07:03

Also throwing this in there … surely the more a baby does the more calories it burns resulting in more feeds. So on top of more stimulation it’s also more food . Not saying don’t do any stimulation just had a thought about it from PP . Like the baby rice comment etc. I actually , can’t remember what age used ovaltine in one evening feed , or there’s hungrier baby milk but I was told of from using that cause it can cause constipation if over used. But that might make the sleep longer 🤷‍♀️

Gh12345 · 18/01/2023 07:03

id tell him to shut his face ha

Nuevabegin · 18/01/2023 07:04

Nope…. I’ve had 3 dcs are two of them slept badly for years. They were and are extremely physical. One of mine was actually walking at 10 months…. they were constantly moving. I actually went out a lot as they weren’t babies/toddlers who liked pottering or playing, they liked being out and doing stuff and tbh I was like your dh and thought the more fresh air they got , the more movement , they would sleep… Is your dc breastfed , mine were and they definitely woke more for that but even when weaned they’d wake a lot 🤷🏻‍♀️
We had the exact idea though and thought oh we must wear them out etc etc, did nothing despite ours being hugely physical 🤷🏻‍♀️

Workawayxx · 18/01/2023 07:06

Ah, I’ve had that with my DS - terrible sleeper, has one good night and you tie yourself in knots trying to recreate the exact same conditions from that day so they’ll do it again 🤦🏻‍♀️. But your DH is NOT helping!

If this is his theory, why doesn’t he take dc out at the weekends and see if that works? Rather than tasking you with the experiment?

nursery may or may not help them sleep better, childcare (I used a cm) didn’t do much with my ds sleep 🤷🏻‍♀️.

NewShoes · 18/01/2023 07:06

I would stop feeding in the night. We stopped feeding our DC in the night at 9 months and he slept through straight away. Good luck :-)

Original poster

WhatsMyUsername89 · 18/01/2023 07:07

NewShoes · 18/01/2023 07:06

I would stop feeding in the night. We stopped feeding our DC in the night at 9 months and he slept through straight away. Good luck :-)

How!!! I’ve tried so many times. And he will just cry because he wants it. I know this is what I need to do but I feel terrible. Is it just a case of muddling through one terrible night… and then it’ll be better?

OP posts:

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/01/2023 07:13

Can you up the milk intake during rhe day and add a portion of porridge before bed? Then you know he isn't waking from hunger.

Does he feed to sleep? That may also be an issue - he doesn't need ti the feeds fir hunger but as a getting back to sleep tool.

Winter2020 · 18/01/2023 07:14

He can test out his theory taking Baby out on his days off while you get some rest.

mrssunshinexxx · 18/01/2023 07:14

Playgroup every day
Work to getting her to one big nap a day straight after or over lunch.
Make sure you wake her at same time each morn and bedtime same time
Gently sleep train for overnight if you feel you want to

Algor1thm · 18/01/2023 07:15

There has never been any correlation for my DC between any discernible factor and sleep - how busy we've been, what time they go to bed, how long they've napped for. I gave up predicting it a long time ago as it's completely random. The only things that actually helped as babies were introducing a dummy and stopping feeding to sleep (linked), which almost instantly led to sleeping through the night.

Your husband sounds like he's cracked infant sleep though, he'll be able to make millions now! If only the world knew that the key was soft play...

Tbh you're a saint taking a 10mo to soft play. At 10mo they crawled around the house and watched me do the laundry.

Roseelane · 18/01/2023 07:16

At least once you're back at work, he'll have to start doing half of the night wakings. Hopefully you'll feel more rested then.

HelloBunny · 18/01/2023 07:19

My DH often doesn’t understand why the house is wrecked, etc... But gets a clue very quickly when he looks after DS when I’m at work. The place is even worse! Honestly they haven’t got a clue... DH wheels out the “you must do more with DS” or “we never do anything together” shite as well. Not a clue!

Namechangefail1234 · 18/01/2023 07:20

We do a group pretty much every day, my almost 9 month old is up between 2 and 8 times a night.
Tbh I'd be saying, oh you'd like dinner? It doesn't do DD well to be sat in her high chair as I prep and cook, washing? Didn't fit with DDs schedule..
He will soon realise what a tit he's been.

HelloBunny · 18/01/2023 07:23

Cracked infant sleep. LOL. He can expert now, he can take over!

ImustLearn2Cook · 18/01/2023 07:24

I said to him he can test his theory at the weekend and take her soft play while I chill out. Funnily enough he wasn’t sure then that it was the soft play.

Ha ha, I love this @WhatsMyUsername89. He’s not sure now because he was just mansplaining parenting and sleep routines to you. (Forgive me if I am wrong, not all men mansplain things to women).

People can tell you what worked for them and it might work for you, but as a pp said babies and children aren’t robots. They will be who they are. My sister and I are completely different. We have the same parents, same rules, we sat down to the same dinner, we went to bed at the same time and we are still like night and day. Because we are not programmed robots, we are people with our own unique personalities and temperaments.

And the fun thing about parenting is that you get to know this amazing little person as their personality emerges and you get better at knowing what works for them.

MummyJ36 · 18/01/2023 07:25

The thing that a few people seem to be forgetting is that a day cannot always revolve around a baby and sometimes you just need to go to the shop for a couple of hours! Maybe the soft play tired her out, maybe it didn’t, but you can’t go to soft play every day.

At 10 months it’s not like she needs a big runaround every day. It was only when my DC1 got to about 2 that I saw that she needed a physical runaround most days in order to burn off some energy for sleep. But even then, sometimes it’s just not possible for practical reasons.

What I’m trying to say is, it’s very easy for your husband to make suggestions when he’s not the one in the trenches day in day out. Perhaps when you start at work and LO goes to childcare they will get more tired out but that’s not a reflection on how well you managed her sleep and wake times whilst on mat leave.

GiltEdges · 18/01/2023 07:25

WhatsMyUsername89 · 18/01/2023 07:07

Show quote history

I’m confused , is it DD or DS? Because you refer to “her” in previous posts, unless I’ve got confused.

Re the sleep, it could just be a stimulation thing. If you typically do the same things/see the same people/play with the same toys day in day out then as much as you’re trying to entertain them, your DC is already familiar with the situation and so is less stimulated. Which could explain why they slept well after going to the soft play.

If that is the case, nursery is also a hugely stimulating environment for young children; lots of different activities going on, different people, loud noise etc, so I’d hold out and just hope for improvement once they start in a month’s time.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8