So I’ve been seeing a guy for 12 weeks after meeting online dating. Literally dates Atleast twice a week.
anyway tonight he tells me he can’t see me for 2 weeks. I thought he was going away for work so I asked. And his response is he’s having his little boy while the mum goes on holiday.
im absolutely gobsmacked and a little hurt. He has never once mentioned having a child. I also have on my profile that I don’t date people with children. Personal and selfish reasons being that due to a medical reason I need ivf or help to try and have children and I know i won’t get it on the nhs if my partner had a child. For reference I already know I am entitled too it on the nhs for my condition.
what do I do. I do like this guy but he’s lied to me over his child. But then I think what if I don’t meet anyone else I like. Help.
AIBU?
He has a son ?? 😢
CharlotteRose90 · 17/01/2023 20:49
SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 19/01/2023 13:59
She told him she would need IVF, not that him having a child would have made her ineligible for NHS treatment. Many people (fortunately for them) have no need to know of this rule.
Merryoldgoat · 19/01/2023 12:52
Either way a lie is a lie and I wouldn't take the relationship any further, but I would spell it out to him that you know you will need IVF as you already told him and that him having a son would make you ineligible and thats why you won't date someone with kids.
read the OP’s posts - she did tell him.
CharlotteRose90 · 19/01/2023 14:29
Thank you for all the comments. I’ve taken them on board. Just thought I’d say since people are accusing me of not wanting to be a stepmum. I have nothing against stepmums and would quite happily be one in the future with the right person. But I want my own children first and That doesn’t make me a bad person. If obviously I can’t conceive then once I’ve sought therapy to accept it I’d be open to meeting someone with kids.
I also want to apologise if my posts triggered anyone that is a stepparent or single mums . There is nothing against you and if it works for you it works for you. I just have my own boundaries and I want to stick to them.
SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 19/01/2023 13:59
She told him she would need IVF, not that him having a child would have made her ineligible for NHS treatment. Many people (fortunately for them) have no need to know of this rule.
Merryoldgoat · 19/01/2023 12:52
Either way a lie is a lie and I wouldn't take the relationship any further, but I would spell it out to him that you know you will need IVF as you already told him and that him having a son would make you ineligible and thats why you won't date someone with kids.
read the OP’s posts - she did tell him.
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 19/01/2023 16:58
That's an interesting assumption considering the OP has said that she was very open with him in the conversation about children in future.
Your need to apportion some blame to the OP is bizarre.
SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 19/01/2023 13:59
She told him she would need IVF, not that him having a child would have made her ineligible for NHS treatment. Many people (fortunately for them) have no need to know of this rule.
Merryoldgoat · 19/01/2023 12:52
Either way a lie is a lie and I wouldn't take the relationship any further, but I would spell it out to him that you know you will need IVF as you already told him and that him having a son would make you ineligible and thats why you won't date someone with kids.
read the OP’s posts - she did tell him.
SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 19/01/2023 17:40
I'm not blaming her at all, I said straight off to bin him. All I meant was that he saw no kids, he thought she didn't want to be a step mum and could change her mind (very wrongfully, he should have respected that decision).
She could explain to him that wasn't the issue and that him having a child would have prevented her, and any future partners of his, from being able to access NHS IVF. She doesn't have to, she doesn't 'owe' an explanation. But it may help him understand the full extent of his fuck up that his lie would have taken away her best shot at being able to have a child that she had been very clear with him she wanted.
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 19/01/2023 16:58
That's an interesting assumption considering the OP has said that she was very open with him in the conversation about children in future.
Your need to apportion some blame to the OP is bizarre.
SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 19/01/2023 13:59
She told him she would need IVF, not that him having a child would have made her ineligible for NHS treatment. Many people (fortunately for them) have no need to know of this rule.
Merryoldgoat · 19/01/2023 12:52
Either way a lie is a lie and I wouldn't take the relationship any further, but I would spell it out to him that you know you will need IVF as you already told him and that him having a son would make you ineligible and thats why you won't date someone with kids.
read the OP’s posts - she did tell him.
Laurdo · 19/01/2023 14:58
I'm a stepmum and as much as I love it, it can be tough. It's not for everyone! I don't want my own kids so I'm in a completely different situation from you. I don't blame anyone for not wanting to date single dads. I always said I wouldn't, not because of the kids but because of the horror stories of dealing with the crazy mother's I heard from my friends. But sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with and of all the crazy exs to have to deal with my DHs is probably the craziest! 🤣
People are allowed to have preferences, boundaries and visions for their life. People probably wouldn't bat an eyelid at someone having a preference for dark haired men over light haired men, but have plenty to say if someone prefers to date someone without kids when that has a much greater impact on your life than the colour of someone's hair.
You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. You have the right to decide who to date and who not to and the least you can expect is that people don't lie or lead you on.
Wishing you all the best with dating. There are good men out there. I hope you get your happy ever after and the family that you want.
CharlotteRose90 · 19/01/2023 14:29
Thank you for all the comments. I’ve taken them on board. Just thought I’d say since people are accusing me of not wanting to be a stepmum. I have nothing against stepmums and would quite happily be one in the future with the right person. But I want my own children first and That doesn’t make me a bad person. If obviously I can’t conceive then once I’ve sought therapy to accept it I’d be open to meeting someone with kids.
I also want to apologise if my posts triggered anyone that is a stepparent or single mums . There is nothing against you and if it works for you it works for you. I just have my own boundaries and I want to stick to them.
JenniferBooth · 21/01/2023 14:47
@Pinklemons9 So yet again a woman (who the child doesnt even know) owes more to the child than the childs OWN FATHER.
WaffleIron · 26/01/2023 12:39
It sounds to me like he doesn't have a child, but has said this to make you cut ties so he doesn't have the awkward responsibility of doing it himself. Especially if it's clearly marked in your profile. Did you say something to upset him?
Merryoldgoat · 26/01/2023 12:57
Are you being dim on purpose? Or is it some kind of ruse?
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Having clocked your posting style round these parts for donkey's goat's years @Merryoldgoat I kinda assumed so, but then started wondering if I'd somehow been a stupid ass kid 
Cheers for the reassurance!
Merryoldgoat · 26/01/2023 14:06
@KettrickenSmiled
Oooh! I feel famous! And old 🤣
I know I can be a cunt sometimes, but Jesus - the basic comprehension skills completely devoid in some posters makes me despair. I try not to think people are ACTUALLY stupid but it’s impossible at times like this.
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