Page 2 | He has a son ?? 😢

CharlotteRose90 · 2023-01-17T20:49:32+00:00

So I’ve been seeing a guy for 12 weeks after meeting online dating. Literally dates Atleast twice a week. anyway tonight he tells me he can’t see me for 2 weeks. I thought he was going away for work so I asked. And his response is he’s having his little boy while the mum goes on holiday. im absolutely gobsmacked and a little hurt. He has never once mentioned having a child. I also have on my profile that I don’t date people with children. Personal and selfish reasons being that due to a medical reason I need ivf or help to try and have children and I know i won’t get it on the nhs if my partner had a child. For reference I already know I am entitled too it on the nhs for my condition. what do I do. I do like this guy but he’s lied to me over his child. But then I think what if I don’t meet anyone else I like. Help.

Chaz5rascals · 17/01/2023 21:02

@CharlotteRose90 I’m really sorry he treated you like that and obviously chose to keep it from you until now, very weird. Someone better out there for you!

SwishSwishBisch · 17/01/2023 21:03

The lying is the issue, has he offered any explanation for this? There’s very little come back from a lie by omission of this magnitude.

Fwiw, excluding men with kids so you remain eligible for NHS treatment seems a little ott (and I say this as someone who has undergone IVF myself). Nhs ivf funding eligibility is far from a guarantee. In your shoes, knowing ivf is my only option, I’d want to make damned sure I could afford it regardless, and leave the offspring status of the men in my dating pool out of the equation.

Margo34 · 17/01/2023 21:03

CharlotteRose90 · 17/01/2023 21:00

He lied because he didn’t tell me he had a son. We spoke about kids on the 2nd or 3rd date, just generalised chat about did we want them etc . We both said yes but he never once said oh by the way i have one already.

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Bit weird that he wouldn't have brought it up on 2nd or 3rd date then! Says a lot about him as a parent in itself. Not someone I'd want to consider starting a family with. Leave!

TomatoSandwiches · 17/01/2023 21:05

Fair enough, I think he has treated you awfully then considering he must know about your situation, he has completely wasted your time and probably thinks asking for forgiveness will work.

I am sorry op.

AngeloMysterioso · 17/01/2023 21:06

Cut him loose. Snip snip ✂️

Needsomeadvice33 · 17/01/2023 21:07

Ohhh he's sneaky. Deliberately didn't tell you. RUN

Original poster

CharlotteRose90 · 17/01/2023 21:11

SwishSwishBisch · 17/01/2023 21:03

The lying is the issue, has he offered any explanation for this? There’s very little come back from a lie by omission of this magnitude.

Fwiw, excluding men with kids so you remain eligible for NHS treatment seems a little ott (and I say this as someone who has undergone IVF myself). Nhs ivf funding eligibility is far from a guarantee. In your shoes, knowing ivf is my only option, I’d want to make damned sure I could afford it regardless, and leave the offspring status of the men in my dating pool out of the equation.

Nope just said he’s very sorry. Just noticed on his profile he says he doesn’t have kids on his profile too. Very very strange.

no I take your point. It might be over the top but judging by how much I’ve seen my friend pay out for it herself, I want to take anything I can get and I’ve been told I’m eligible for 2 rounds. It’s not the end of the world though if I met someone and I had to pay we’d arrange it together.

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Bekindbekind · 17/01/2023 21:13

Margo34 · 17/01/2023 21:03

Bit weird that he wouldn't have brought it up on 2nd or 3rd date then! Says a lot about him as a parent in itself. Not someone I'd want to consider starting a family with. Leave!

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That’s what it comes down to. Of course you might meet someone great who already has children, and you might go on to realise it wasn’t a dealbreaker. But lying about something like that has got to be a dealbreaker. What else might he be lying about, or go on to lie about in the future? No thanks.

jimmyjammy001 · 17/01/2023 21:13

Sounds like you've been duped, on the first date you ask each other to tell each other about yourselves, having a child is a big part of anyone's life he has deliberately left it out and not to mention his son for 12 weeks means he has purposely kept it from you and now he's hoping to casually drop it to you so you won't do anything or say anything now zhe has lied to you, I'd tell him that it's a deal breaker and have a pop for wasting your time.

PerpetualFailure · 17/01/2023 21:14

No. This is too big an issue to hide. You cannot "forget" to mention a child. He must have weak morals that he can take deceit so lightly.

neverbeenskiing · 17/01/2023 21:15

The lying is a definite red flag, but I'd also be concerned about what kind of Father he is if he managed to conceal any trace of his sons existence from you for three months. It doesn't exactly scream involved Father, does it? Either he's really sneaky, or he's not very present in his sons life.

simplefree · 17/01/2023 21:16

He could have told you - if it was on your bio he didn't say anything sooner on purpose - I wouldn't trust him any longer

Next time - ask the guy when you meet just to double check

I had an ex BF who never ever wanted to get married and have children, he was very clear about it - months after our breakup, I saw him on the apps again and he said on his bio he wanted to get married and have children - we were still on good terms and talking so I jokingly asked him about his change of heart and he replied he would get more matches if he said what the women wanted to hear...

Original poster

CharlotteRose90 · 17/01/2023 21:16

I’ve drafted this message to him. I’m sad as he’s a lovely guy In other aspects but I can’t forgive the lying . It would make me think what else he could lie about. Hopefully it’s too the point and not rambling .

Hey …
Thank you for the meal tonight the restaurant was lovely. I don’t think We should take this any further. I take honesty very seriously and the fact you lied to me I can’t forgive. Children are a big thing and you lied about having one despite us chatting about future children . I’m sure you will find the right person but it isn’t me.

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Weddi · 17/01/2023 21:16

Well, he isn’t a liar unless you asked him at some point whether he has kids and he said no. He chose not to tell you until now which is his choice really, I wouldn’t call that a lie. You’re only a few weeks in, ditch him because this isn’t what you want. He’ll understand.

Throckmorton · 17/01/2023 21:16

He sounds like a shit father too if he's denying having a child on his dating profile, and if he can go 12 weeks without once mentioning his child to someone he sees regularly!

Doyoumind · 17/01/2023 21:17

I'm baffled as to why you would even consider continuing to see him. He's a liar.

PleaseCleanTheWholeToilet · 17/01/2023 21:18

You say you have reactivated your profile, Do you not need a little time to process what has happened

Does it say you want them but the man cant already have them?

TheMatriarchy · 17/01/2023 21:18

He's testing now to see how badly he can treat you - can he lie to you over things that are very important to you, can he mislead you, can he gaslight and pretend it was none of those things? Can he? You decide.

JudgeRinderonTinder · 17/01/2023 21:19

He deliberately neglected to tell you because he knew your stance on this but thought you’d like him too much by now to care. It’s really deceitful.

Even if you didn’t mind, that is a massive thing to keep secret for three months!

Dump.

simplefree · 17/01/2023 21:19

CharlotteRose90 · 17/01/2023 21:16

I’ve drafted this message to him. I’m sad as he’s a lovely guy In other aspects but I can’t forgive the lying . It would make me think what else he could lie about. Hopefully it’s too the point and not rambling .

Hey …
Thank you for the meal tonight the restaurant was lovely. I don’t think We should take this any further. I take honesty very seriously and the fact you lied to me I can’t forgive. Children are a big thing and you lied about having one despite us chatting about future children . I’m sure you will find the right person but it isn’t me.

don't text - call him

snaggley · 17/01/2023 21:19

You sound strong OP and know your own mind

Wishawisha · 17/01/2023 21:22

SwishSwishBisch · 17/01/2023 21:03

The lying is the issue, has he offered any explanation for this? There’s very little come back from a lie by omission of this magnitude.

Fwiw, excluding men with kids so you remain eligible for NHS treatment seems a little ott (and I say this as someone who has undergone IVF myself). Nhs ivf funding eligibility is far from a guarantee. In your shoes, knowing ivf is my only option, I’d want to make damned sure I could afford it regardless, and leave the offspring status of the men in my dating pool out of the equation.

It’s quite normal not to want to date people with children though isn’t it? So I disagree with leaving the “offspring status” out of it. It’s a very normal thing to care about.

Kitcaterpillar · 17/01/2023 21:22

simplefree · 17/01/2023 21:19

don't text - call him

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Ignore this. It's 2023. Who answers the phone.

Nice message. Get shot, a lie by omission is still a lie. Good luck ❤️

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 17/01/2023 21:22

Utter vile to hide something that big from someone. He thought he’d get away with it and you’d accept it. Dump him!

Original poster

CharlotteRose90 · 17/01/2023 21:23

PleaseCleanTheWholeToilet · 17/01/2023 21:18

You say you have reactivated your profile, Do you not need a little time to process what has happened

Does it say you want them but the man cant already have them?

On my dating profile? On the questions I answered yes to wanting children and then I answered no to dating men with children. I think that’s what you meant.

ive reactivated it. Doesn’t mean I’ll have dates but I wanted to take back control.

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