Page 19 | He has a son ?? 😢

CharlotteRose90 · 2023-01-17T20:49:32+00:00

So I’ve been seeing a guy for 12 weeks after meeting online dating. Literally dates Atleast twice a week. anyway tonight he tells me he can’t see me for 2 weeks. I thought he was going away for work so I asked. And his response is he’s having his little boy while the mum goes on holiday. im absolutely gobsmacked and a little hurt. He has never once mentioned having a child. I also have on my profile that I don’t date people with children. Personal and selfish reasons being that due to a medical reason I need ivf or help to try and have children and I know i won’t get it on the nhs if my partner had a child. For reference I already know I am entitled too it on the nhs for my condition. what do I do. I do like this guy but he’s lied to me over his child. But then I think what if I don’t meet anyone else I like. Help.

Pinklemons9 · 19/01/2023 10:09

Merryoldgoat · 19/01/2023 10:07

No child needs/deserves a step mum that has no interest in being a step mum.

So where’s your censure for the man who tried to make a woman who doesn’t want step children into his partner?

HE is at fault.

Being a single parent come with its own challenges but they aren’t for everyone else to fix.

Did you not see the part where I said she deserves someone who isn’t going to lie?

MotherOfHouseplants · 19/01/2023 10:09

Goodness me, you have had an empathy bypass @Pinklemons9, suggesting that someone who is quite likely to experience infertility would see a step-child as an inconvenience. Your digs are really nasty and you know perfectly well what you are doing.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 19/01/2023 10:12

Pinklemons9 · 19/01/2023 10:08

I’m also not having a pop. She doesn’t want to be a step mum. The child deserves more than that. The man shouldn’t have lied. Like I said, it’s best all round that the relationship has ended.

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You are.

the nastiness is dripping from you.

The blatant misogyny because the OP has dared have boundaries about stepchildren is very very clear from your posts.

That your posts about her are considerably stronger than about the father says it all.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 19/01/2023 10:15

Pinklemons9 · 19/01/2023 10:05

I agree with this. Why he would want someone in his child’s life that has no desire to do so is saddening. Best all round that the relationship is over before it really began.

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But your derision that a woman (😱) doesn’t want to be a stepmum, that she should somehow have been grateful of privilege and honour of the opportunity to get to know someone’s child, is dripping from your posts.

You’re taking it personally based on your own experience, as you’ve indicated above.

dontleaveitthere · 19/01/2023 10:18

Fucks sake. Ignore the posters who are clearly taking it a bit personal you made it clear you don't want to date a man with kids

Single mum. Yeah it's hard. But I prefer the blokes who just say that right out

It's like the guys who say they're a non smoker and then after a few drinks have the odd one 'because everyone lies on their profiles'.

No they don't mate. And the fact that you're prepared to lie from the off fucks any relationship if the foundation is based on lies.

Pinklemons9 · 19/01/2023 10:28

MotherOfHouseplants · 19/01/2023 10:09

Goodness me, you have had an empathy bypass @Pinklemons9, suggesting that someone who is quite likely to experience infertility would see a step-child as an inconvenience. Your digs are really nasty and you know perfectly well what you are doing.

Having PCOS myself, she has my sympathy. Children are a blessing. It saddens me that not everyone is interested in being a step parent but there we are, we are all different and each to their own. Before I had my own children I thought the same as the OP but now knowing how much they bring to my life I think differently.

Maybe inconvenience was the wrong choice of word but however you say it, she has no interest in the child, that’s her choice and that’s fine. However, the child deserves more than that. How you all can’t see that is disappointing!

The father was wrong for lying, he should’ve been upfront from the start. However, he was at least honest before they got into a relationship. He didn’t tell her as they were walking down the aisle. They were only dating yet you’re all ready to hang him and acting like he’s the worst person in the world when he made an error. He also shouldn’t want someone in his child’s life that has no interest in said child.

As I said, it’s best all round that the dating has come to an end. Hopefully they both meet the right people soon!

BIahBIahBIah · 19/01/2023 10:29

Before I had my own kids, I wouldn't date anyone who already had kids, and that's without fertility issues. You're right to aim for someone without kids. Now, at my age, and with my own kids, it's different. But you, young with no commitments, no way. I hope IVF works for you.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 19/01/2023 10:31

However, he was at least honest before they got into a relationship.

Jesus Christ your standards are low.

Three months in. After having had a chat about children and the future. And after hiding all traces of his child at his home… That’s not being honest before they got into a relationship.

you’ve got to be at the wind up.

Pinklemons9 · 19/01/2023 10:32

DrMarciaFieldstone · 19/01/2023 10:15

But your derision that a woman (😱) doesn’t want to be a stepmum, that she should somehow have been grateful of privilege and honour of the opportunity to get to know someone’s child, is dripping from your posts.

You’re taking it personally based on your own experience, as you’ve indicated above.

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She doesn’t want to be a step mum, that’s her choice which she is fully entitled to make. How am I wrong in saying the child deserves more than that and the father shouldn’t have lied and ultimately it’s a good thing the dating has come to an end! Madness.

dontleaveitthere · 19/01/2023 10:33

Why the fuck are you defending him? @Pinklemons9

It's not 'he made an error'

He deliberately misled her. He lied. He made a conscious decision to fucking waste her time. He knew that he wasn't what she wanted. So he lied.

And if your bar is a bloke not telling their partner they have kids as they walk down the aisle... well good luck to you.

Your antagonism towards the op is weird and totally misplaced.

Hiimblahblah · 19/01/2023 10:34

I feel so sorry for you, OP. Has he said why he kept this from you?

I also feel bad for his son, imagine treating your child like they’re a dirty secret 😞

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 19/01/2023 10:36

Hiimblahblah · 19/01/2023 10:34

I feel so sorry for you, OP. Has he said why he kept this from you?

I also feel bad for his son, imagine treating your child like they’re a dirty secret 😞

The op said He has replied to me. He said he didn’t tell me as he saw on my profile I wouldn’t date anyone with kids. He thought he could change my mind I’m guessing. He wants a second chance haha.

basically because his wants were more important than respecting her boundaries…

VioletaDelValle · 19/01/2023 10:37

She doesn’t want to be a step mum, that’s her choice which she is fully entitled to make. How am I wrong in saying the child deserves more than that and the father shouldn’t have lied and ultimately it’s a good thing the dating has come to an end! Madness.

People were pulling you up on your antagonistic language towards the OP.
You talked like she was at fault and he deserved better when in fact it is ALL on him. The child has nothing to do with her, and quite frankly, he deserves a better dad.
But it's easier to blame the evil step mum i guess......

Hiimblahblah · 19/01/2023 10:39

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 19/01/2023 10:36

The op said He has replied to me. He said he didn’t tell me as he saw on my profile I wouldn’t date anyone with kids. He thought he could change my mind I’m guessing. He wants a second chance haha.

basically because his wants were more important than respecting her boundaries…

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@YetMoreNewBeginnings

thank you for this, I missed that.

Wow, how manipulative 😬 I was hoping he had a very good reason. I was very very wrong…….

kalookaloo · 19/01/2023 10:44

@Pinklemons9

She doesn’t want to be a step mum, that’s her choice which she is fully entitled to make. How am I wrong in saying the child deserves more than that and the father shouldn’t have lied and ultimately it’s a good thing the dating has come to an end! Madness.

More than what? What are you even talking about. The child deserves more than a woman who would never be their step mum, that they don't know exists. The child deserves more than someone that they'll never meet? Do you realise you're making absolutely no sense?

Frannyhy · 19/01/2023 10:47

No matter what it says on a man’s dating profile, I always ask if they have kids on the first meet up.

I had one who said no. I didn’t see him again anyway but later found out he had an eight month old daughter.

Pinklemons9 · 19/01/2023 10:49

dontleaveitthere · 19/01/2023 10:33

Why the fuck are you defending him? @Pinklemons9

It's not 'he made an error'

He deliberately misled her. He lied. He made a conscious decision to fucking waste her time. He knew that he wasn't what she wanted. So he lied.

And if your bar is a bloke not telling their partner they have kids as they walk down the aisle... well good luck to you.

Your antagonism towards the op is weird and totally misplaced.

I’ve said numerous times that he was wrong. However, I don’t agree with ripping a guy, that I don’t know, to shreds on the interest because he made a mistake. Yes he should’ve been up front and he misjudged the situation. I’m sure/hope he didn’t maliciously set out to cause this mess or hurt the OP. Maybe he did, in which case burn him at the stake.

As I’ve already said, OP is well within her right to end the dating, that’s her choice and I think it’s the right one.

As lovely as it has been, I have work to do ☺️

Pinklemons9 · 19/01/2023 10:55

kalookaloo · 19/01/2023 10:44

@Pinklemons9

She doesn’t want to be a step mum, that’s her choice which she is fully entitled to make. How am I wrong in saying the child deserves more than that and the father shouldn’t have lied and ultimately it’s a good thing the dating has come to an end! Madness.

More than what? What are you even talking about. The child deserves more than a woman who would never be their step mum, that they don't know exists. The child deserves more than someone that they'll never meet? Do you realise you're making absolutely no sense?

A child deserves more than a step mum that doesn’t want to be a step mum to said child/wants a partner with no children.

dontleaveitthere · 19/01/2023 10:57

@Pinklemons9 yeah get back to your work

Jesus. A man stomps all over someone's boundaries because he decides HIS wants are more important than Hers and you're here saying ah poor diddums. He's not a bad man

Props to the pp poster who pointed this out. That's exactly what he did. And someone who ignores and crosses peoples boundaries is someone to be avoided as they are not very nice at all

Good luck finding that man who'll tell you at the altar about his kids!

MeinKraft · 19/01/2023 10:57

It's worse than he just lied, from the very first day he has that male entitlement thing of he will get what he wants, riding roughshod over the female partners wants and desires. That attitude would have pervaded through the entire relationship.

IAmTheWalrus85 · 19/01/2023 11:03

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 19/01/2023 09:30

I wish some of the partners my ex has had over the years had the clarity and conviction of the OP.

Would have saved my DD’s a lot of heartache.

This is such a valid point.

It is best for everyone concerned, but most of all the children involved, if people are honest with themselves and with potential partners about whether they’re willing to be a step parent.

Absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to be one and setting down that marker from the outset. That way, no one gets hurt.

(I’m sorry your DDs have suffered 😞)

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 19/01/2023 11:03

Props to the pp poster who pointed this out. That's exactly what he did. And someone who ignores and crosses peoples boundaries is someone to be avoided as they are not very nice at all

exactly this.

And the follow up of the flowers to her workplace - instead of privately to her home - shows an even more manipulative manner.

He’s not a man who “made a mistake”. He’s a manipulative liar to be avoided.

VioletaDelValle · 19/01/2023 11:05

A child deserves more than a step mum that doesn’t want to be a step mum to said child/wants a partner with no children.

A point that should be driven home to HIM not the OP.

Oncemoreuntothebeach · 19/01/2023 11:13

JenniferBooth · 18/01/2023 21:20

@ShinyMe I was going to post the same thing. He was probably hoping her colleugues would gush about what a lovely man he must be.

Me too, its performative remorse, playing to an audience. Never mind it made the OP feel embarrassed (as it would do a lot of people in the same situation, I'd be mortified). Its an incredibly manipulative thing to do IMO.

SpaceshiptoMars · 19/01/2023 11:14

I mean, what kind of father looks at a woman who doesn't want to be a stepmother and thinks, "She sounds like a great potential stepmother to my child!" ??

A father who is looking for a roof/better roof over his head and someone else to do the heavy lifting of child care.... In short, he's looking to upgrade his life at OPs expense. There's a very good reason he's hanging on to the OP for dear life - she is either significantly younger than him and very good looking and/or is comfortably established with an excellent career.