Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH not speaking to me because I went out

233 replies

Goingforplatinum · 22/01/2023 08:00

Met a friend yesterday for a few drinks, met around 2. DH had DD2 and DSS. I was initially only supposed to be out a couple of hours, but I haven't been out in over a year (if I ever go anywhere DD always comes with me) and was just enjoying being me, so a couple of hours led to 4 hours and I was a little bit drunk (didn't take much as haven't drank since before DD was born. H went mad last n8ght saying I was supposed to be a couple of hours and he was stuck with the kids, then just basically snuffed me so I went to bed. This morning I got up with DD and he's barely speaking to me.
AIBU for going out and being out longer then i said I would??

OP posts:
BethDuttonsTwin · 22/01/2023 08:03

I don’t think four hours is a massive deal tbh. All day or all night, then yes, he’d have a right to be pissed off. I think he sounds controlling. Start arranging more friend meet ups and stuff for yourself. Sounds like he’s got used to having you at home/tied by your very young child and quite likes it.

Passportpondery · 22/01/2023 08:06

So you were out 2-6pm?? He sounds like a controlling arse. This relationship will not make you happy. Plan your exit.

SafeMove · 22/01/2023 08:06

'Stuck with the kids'?? His kids? What a horrid thing to say about your own DC. He sounds terrible for saying 4 hours is 'stuck' with his DC.

Vegetablesupreme · 22/01/2023 08:06

Did you let him know you were going to be late? If not, maybe he was worried which led to his anger?

SafeMove · 22/01/2023 08:07

Also, is one of those DC your step child?

Zanatdy · 22/01/2023 08:08

No you’re not being unreasonable. Ridiculous if you can’t go out without him getting in a mood as he had to look after his own kids. Does he go out?

Dragonsandcats · 22/01/2023 08:09

I don’t think you were unreasonable. It may have been nice to let him know you were going to be longer than expected but I suspect he’d have reacted the same way anyway. He doesn’t sound the nicest.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 22/01/2023 08:10

Were you in contact? Absolutely no right to tell you you can’t go out for as long as you want, just interested if he’s annoyed he couldn’t get hold of you.

Original poster
Goingforplatinum · 22/01/2023 08:10

Eldest child is his child and my step child.

@Zanatdy no he doesn't really go ou tbut that's his personal preference. He did go out for his work Christmas party and I happily picked him up and let him sleep all the next day when he was hungover. I guess are feel hurt that he can't do the same for me.

OP posts:
Squamata · 22/01/2023 08:11

Bit of both really. You could have messaged him. On the other hand, he could have messaged you asking when you'd be back.

I hate the feeling of being with the kids for an indeterminate amount of time, you can't plan what to do and feel dependent on someone else. It does sometimes make me really annoyed.

But he was being unreasonable for blanking you, and acting like 4 hours with his kids is that much of an ordeal.

SoupAndSodaBread · 22/01/2023 08:11

Four hours when you haven't been out in years is not bad at all. He is "stuck" with his kids. One of them isn't even yours! He's being a dick.

NewDogOwner · 22/01/2023 08:13

He should have let you lie in and looked after your child this morning to let you rest. He is controlling. This isn't healthy or normal. And, there's nothing wrong with going out for longer although, it is good manners to let someone know in advance. Always say you will possibly be out for longer than you likely will.

Why haven't you been out in a year? Just mum life or because you knew he would react like this? Is this the only issue he is like that with?

BakedTattie · 22/01/2023 08:14

tell him to get a grip. You’re allowed a life ffs

Dotcheck · 22/01/2023 08:14

Yes- he’s being a dick.
Normal people would be pleased that you were having a lovely time out

pilates · 22/01/2023 08:15

Did you message to say you would be a little late? Sounds like you had a good time and you should do it more often.

MelchiorsMistress · 22/01/2023 08:15

This is going to be one of those threads that is covered in double standards.

Of course you should have been allowed to stay out for two hours more than you said, you are the mum, and if you were enjoying a few drinks and wanted to be late home then your DP should be supportive.

Its only a problem if you’re male and coming home a little drunk two hours later than agreed when your partner is looking after the children.

SoupAndSodaBread · 22/01/2023 08:19

MelchiorsMistress · 22/01/2023 08:15

This is going to be one of those threads that is covered in double standards.

Of course you should have been allowed to stay out for two hours more than you said, you are the mum, and if you were enjoying a few drinks and wanted to be late home then your DP should be supportive.

Its only a problem if you’re male and coming home a little drunk two hours later than agreed when your partner is looking after the children.

Oh stop it. People do this on so many threads.

It's a four hour outing in the middle of the day. The threads where make partners stay out are usually where he's done an all nighter and got in shitfaced and pissed in the kitchen.

Do you know why we never see threads saying "boohoo my DH stayed out from 2pm till 6pm and left me with my son and our joint daughter for FOUR HOURS, the bastard"? Because most women wouldn't bat an eyelid.

I wish the poor menz, double standards waaaaah crew would put a sock in it. You aren't being clever. It isn't a gotcha. Shush

Original poster
Goingforplatinum · 22/01/2023 08:19

@MelchiorsMistress he did go out just before Christmas and was back hours later then he said, I was happy that he had such a nice time, then chuckled to myself the next day when he was hungover in bed, as he never goes out.

I should of text or called and let him know but I just got carried away, was so nice to be 'Me' a change and not mum.

**

OP posts:
MintJulia · 22/01/2023 08:23

Passportpondery · 22/01/2023 08:06

So you were out 2-6pm?? He sounds like a controlling arse. This relationship will not make you happy. Plan your exit.

This.

They are HIS children. He is not doing you a favour by looking after them for an afternoon. He is their parent, that is HIS JOB.

I'd send him a text saying - they are YOUR children, I am not the flaming nanny - and then I would withdraw all co-operation. No cooking his food or washing his clothes or sleeping in his bed.

Honestly, his attitude is why it is easier and happier to be single.

Wat2do222 · 22/01/2023 08:23

Strikes me as a childish reaction on his part, it doesn't sound like you had anything planned together for the day so why on earth act like he's your parent and your rolling in at 3am? Has he behaved like this with you before (as in being annoyed when you've been late back from anywhere? Whether its social or from a errand etc?) Also how old is your DD - is he making a massive deal as she's little and requires more attention than DSS? It all sounds a bit immature to me unless I'm missing something?

Aprilx · 22/01/2023 08:23

There is absolutely nothing wrong with going out for four hours. But truthfully, I would have sent DH a quick message to say I would be out longer.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 22/01/2023 08:25

Is the real reason you didn’t message him to let him know you’d be a bit longer because you knew he’d moan about it and tell you to come home?

Original poster
Goingforplatinum · 22/01/2023 08:26

@Wat2do222 he normally prefers me to be late back, but that's because I have DD with me. I think his main issues is because he had to have the children on his own, where as normally I'm at home with them.

OP posts:
AnotherNameChangeYes · 22/01/2023 08:29

his children on his own. HIS children.

Shoxfordian · 22/01/2023 08:29

He sounds very controlling; I expect this is part of a pattern though - take some steps to think about whether this is acceptable to you

Swipe left for the next trending thread