He has a son ?? 😢

[CharlotteRose90]

So I’ve been seeing a guy for 12 weeks after meeting online dating. Literally dates Atleast twice a week.

anyway tonight he tells me he can’t see me for 2 weeks. I thought he was going away for work so I asked. And his response is he’s having his little boy while the mum goes on holiday.

im absolutely gobsmacked and a little hurt. He has never once mentioned having a child. I also have on my profile that I don’t date people with children. Personal and selfish reasons being that due to a medical reason I need ivf or help to try and have children and I know i won’t get it on the nhs if my partner had a child. For reference I already know I am entitled too it on the nhs for my condition.

what do I do. I do like this guy but he’s lied to me over his child. But then I think what if I don’t meet anyone else I like. Help.

I mean, what kind of father looks at a woman who doesn't want to be a stepmother and thinks, "She sounds like a great potential stepmother to my child!" ??

At no point was he thinking about his child in this. He didn't care about what this could mean for his son. It was all about him. So how on earth can anyone think he might make a good father for the OP's future children. 😱

You can’t actually have read her posts if this is your take. The step-child isn’t an inconvenience. It would be a daily reminder of her own infertility.

It’s interesting how many people are having a pop at the OP for not wanting to be a stepmother, whilst defending the man who tried to trick a woman who made clear she didn’t want to be one into a relationship with him.

Almost as if the OP is being held to even higher standards than the child’s own parent… can’t imagine why that would be…?

It shouldn’t have been a choice she had to make.

He should have respected her, and his child, enough to have been open and honest in the first place.

In this case Dad didn't give a shit about that though did he. He tried to trick her. That's why people are getting so outraged about it. If OP had said she couldn't date someone with a dog (due to fear/allergies/dislike of dogs and then dated someone who months later revealed they had a dog but was keeping it from her then I don't think many people would go "oh but you're making a mistake dogs are lovely".

Yes, and the same calibre of poster would be screeching at her if she was a step mother and didn't want to lay down her life as a silent skivvy/au pair for said children.

So many posters can't bear for a woman to have standards, boundaries, self respect.

It threatens their narrative that ANY piece of shit is better than NO man, you must accept any shit from said man to keep him, and thinking you deserve a good life with a good respectful man means you are up yourself and who do you think you are anyway🙄😂.

Sad but hilarious to read🙄

Well done OP, best of luck to you.

I am so saddened by it tbh. I'm a stepmum myself but it was my choice to date a man with children. He didn't hide them from me. I'm so shocked at the number of people insisting OP was wrong to have this requirement. Stepparenting isn't for everyone and that's ok. What isn't ok is judging someone harshly for being honest about this from the start. And I agree, the dad in this situation sounds like he shouldn't be dating tbh as he doesn't seem to understand that choosing a partner when you have children is harder and it's much more important to be open about the existence of his children, why hide them. He's a jerk.

What bollocks. Everyone is judged quickly on OLD. That's how it works.

Why on earth does she owe him or his kid a chance at anything when she's decided and been clear that she doesn't want to date someone with children? Why should she value someone else's child? It's the father who hasn't valued him by denying his existance in order to chase after a woman who is not interested in being with a man who has a child.

Unfortunately other people's children can be an encumbrance, lovely as they may be. For the OP, this would have been emotionally. For me, logistically. Better to accept this and focus on those who don't mind them rather than bleating about being passed over by those that do.

Yep.

There’s no excuse for lying. And it’s absolutely fine to not want to date someone who has kids.

Why on earth would she value a child she had no idea existed?

Massive projections here because single people with kids are upset to hear that some child free single people have clear boundaries about not wanting to date people with kids.

I wish some of the partners my ex has had over the years had the clarity and conviction of the OP.

Would have saved my DD’s a lot of heartache.

Massive projections here because single people with kids are upset to hear that some child free single people have clear boundaries about not wanting to date people with kids.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. I have children and am married but if I were single with no children I’d not want a partner with kids, and if I became single now with the children I’m not interested in seeing other people.

OP was very clear in her bio - if he’d messaged her and said very clearly he really liked her profile, has a child, but would she give him a chance at one date that would be entirely different.

She deserves someone who won’t lie and they deserve someone who doesn’t see the child as an inconvenience. So all round it’s better for them all to call it a day.

The OP doesn’t see the child as an inconvenience. That’s pure nastiness on your part.

Your banging of that drum says far more about you than the Op

She deserves someone who won’t lie and they deserve someone who doesn’t see the child as an inconvenience. So all round it’s better for them all to call it a day.

At no point has the OP used the word 'inconvenience' . You are projecting your own feelings about step parents on the OP.

An inconvience/negatively/as a child she has no interest in… whatever you want to call it. No child needs/deserves a step mum that has no interest in being a step mum.

They don’t. So why the continual pops at the OP who made that very clear while defending the father who tried to make it happen?

The misogyny of “he deserves” is very telling.

liars don’t deserve anyone. Nor do fathers who prioritise themselves over their child.

And your negative tone about the op is pure misogyny @Pinklemons9

Upsetting is what the OP said. Not negative or inconvenient or anything else. Too upsetting.

The way in which he casually told you when you asked is way out of order IMO. That’s something that should be proactively told early on. Maybe not in the first few dates but once it is clear it’s going somewhere he should have told you. Has he apologised for not telling you or offered any explanation why he hid it?

Liars don’t deserve anything.

An inconvience/negatively/as a child she has no interest in… whatever you want to call it. No child needs/deserves a step mum that has no interest in being a step mum.

Why the negativity towards to OP instead of towards a man who didn't bother to factor in the OPs feelings towards being a step mum? At least she was honest where as he is clearly a liar and a shit dad.

Spew your vitriol at him instead.

I agree with this. Why he would want someone in his child’s life that has no desire to do so is saddening. Best all round that the relationship is over before it really began.

I never said he… I said they. They including the child who is the most important out of the two.

No child needs/deserves a step mum that has no interest in being a step mum.

So where’s your censure for the man who tried to make a woman who doesn’t want step children into his partner?

HE is at fault.

Being a single parent come with its own challenges but they aren’t for everyone else to fix.

I’m also not having a pop. She doesn’t want to be a step mum. The child deserves more than that. The man shouldn’t have lied. Like I said, it’s best all round that the relationship has ended.