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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AWBU blended family drama

238 replies

Shawaddywaddeee · 16/01/2023 08:46

So myself and my partner thought it would be nice to take our older kids away (without the younger ones)
On an all expenses paid holiday.
So we can go out have a laugh etc without having to be in early for the lil ones.

They agreed they'd love to go so we did our research and booked Marbella .

To our shock we've been told the location is chavvy and we're shit parents because we didn't ask where they wanted to go.

But we genuinely thought we'd taken all their own personal needs into consideration and got a great deal!

It's cost us £4000 (all inclusive) and they are saying they're not coming!

My partner is so upset because we were so excited and looking forward to having some quality time with the older kids but have been met with utter discontent :(

They are 20, 20, 18

Have we fucked up here or are they acting like spoilt brats?

OP posts:
ginslinger · 16/01/2023 08:47

brats

Babyclb · 16/01/2023 08:48

I mean 20 is a bit old to just book a holiday for them, not consult them on dates, whether they are free to go, even want to go etc.
MIL did something like this one time and made herself the victim because she was being “nice” but it’s not nice to plan someone for someone else without consulting them and then throw a fit if it doesn’t suit.

Original poster
Shawaddywaddeee · 16/01/2023 08:49

We did plan dates x

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 16/01/2023 08:49

Well, they sound horribly ungrateful.

Did they agree to coming on holiday before you booked it? Or was it a surprise?

TaraRhu · 16/01/2023 08:50

Brats. Go without them. I'd take a free holiday anywhere!

Changingplace · 16/01/2023 08:50

I think yes they’re being ungrateful but it’s weird you didn’t discuss potential holiday destinations with them, you could’ve researched places all together?

Goneaboutthiswrong · 16/01/2023 08:50

Brats - Ask if they would like to pay the difference for a holiday destination of their choice, I’m sure when they realise the cost of an all inclusive they will be grateful for what they have been given!

LordEmsworth · 16/01/2023 08:50

Errr - yes. You shouldn't have booked without confirming, they should be pleasant about it. Fault on all sides rather than either being right or wrong ...

Original poster
Shawaddywaddeee · 16/01/2023 08:50

And they said they wanted to go away. Surely a free holiday is a free holiday ? 🙈

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 16/01/2023 08:51

Why on earth did you book it without discussing the destination? My kids are 12,9 and 8 and we still talk to them before we book a holiday, it's part of the excitement. 20 and 18 = grown ups, totally unreasonable to book without consulting. Regardless of whether you are paying.

Overandunderit · 16/01/2023 08:52

Entitled brats of the highest order. Go without them and tell them you'll never do anything like this again.

ElaOfSalisbury · 16/01/2023 08:55

They’re brats.
Go without them. 🍹🍸

MolesOnPoles · 16/01/2023 08:56

If it was discussed (type of holiday and destination, as well as dates), they’re brats.

If it wasn’t, you’ve done something that was clearly well intentioned but misguided.

Sure it’s a free holiday, but if it’s one they don’t want to do it becomes an obligation.

Naunet · 16/01/2023 09:00

Entitled spoilt brats.

Original poster
Shawaddywaddeee · 16/01/2023 09:00

My son is really excited and grateful but my partners son and daughter are the ones who are saying they're not coming because it's chavvy :(

Maybe we're a bit old skool in thinking they should be grateful we're taking them away?

Plus when my partner took them away last year they didn't even leave the complex or room just sat on their phones the whole time

But now we're all going away together they have a lot to say about where we go and what we do?

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 16/01/2023 09:01

Brats. Ungrateful brats. Especially at their age.

Take them off the booking and swap the younger kids in.

SharpLily · 16/01/2023 09:05

I can't work out what would be appealing about Marbella but that's not really the point, nor is there any value to asking if they're being bratty. Maybe they are, maybe they feel they weren't listened to when discussions took place about what sort of holiday it should be. Surely the point is what you can do about it now - can you contact the holiday company to change the destination? Will you get your money back if you cancel? Have they said where else they might want to go and is it affordable or reasonable?

ChickenDhansak82 · 16/01/2023 09:07

They are behaving like spoilt brats.

I would be furious with them.

If they refuse to go either take the younger children or see if your son wants to take two friends.

I certainly wouldn't be buying the brats any more Christmas/Birthday presents if they're that ungrateful.

Can I come?!?!?

Original poster
Shawaddywaddeee · 16/01/2023 09:12

I think we're just going to cancel the whole thing and not go anywhere
Which is a shame for my son but if we go away with him we'll then be told we're somehow favouring him!

OP posts:
ChubbyMorticia · 16/01/2023 09:14

Hmmm.

I think if people are taking time off school/work, then plans should’ve been discussed prior to booking. They’re all adults, regardless of who’s paying.

Personally, there are places that neither dh nor I would go to, even if someone else is footing the bill, because it still uses up vacation time, and means we can’t do something else we want to.

Original poster
Shawaddywaddeee · 16/01/2023 09:14

SharpLily · 16/01/2023 09:05

I can't work out what would be appealing about Marbella but that's not really the point, nor is there any value to asking if they're being bratty. Maybe they are, maybe they feel they weren't listened to when discussions took place about what sort of holiday it should be. Surely the point is what you can do about it now - can you contact the holiday company to change the destination? Will you get your money back if you cancel? Have they said where else they might want to go and is it affordable or reasonable?

Its clean, nice beach, good restaurants, bars, lovely complex, good flight times etc
What's not to like? 😆

OP posts:
Happin · 16/01/2023 09:15

Brats, but prob would have been best to ask about destinations etc. They are adults and you have made the decision for all the adults. But brats, 100%.

Wayk · 16/01/2023 09:17

I would still go with you son, why should he miss out because the others do not want to go.

lifeinthehills · 16/01/2023 09:20

Brats but I would have consulted with that age on where they want to go. I'd now ask them if they are coming, last chance. If they say no, cancel their place and take your son, so he doesn't miss out. If they say you favour him, you can remind them they were invited and chose not to come. Then shrug it off.

Hoppinggreen · 16/01/2023 09:20

Shawaddywaddeee · 16/01/2023 09:14

Its clean, nice beach, good restaurants, bars, lovely complex, good flight times etc
What's not to like? 😆

Show quote history

The British people who live there?

They are behaving very badly and being ungrateful. It’s not somewhere I would want to go and perhaps you should have told them you were considering it as a destination but even so they are behaving pretty badly