AWBU blended family drama

[Shawaddywaddeee]

So myself and my partner thought it would be nice to take our older kids away (without the younger ones)
On an all expenses paid holiday.
So we can go out have a laugh etc without having to be in early for the lil ones.

They agreed they'd love to go so we did our research and booked Marbella .

To our shock we've been told the location is chavvy and we're shit parents because we didn't ask where they wanted to go.

But we genuinely thought we'd taken all their own personal needs into consideration and got a great deal!

It's cost us £4000 (all inclusive) and they are saying they're not coming!

My partner is so upset because we were so excited and looking forward to having some quality time with the older kids but have been met with utter discontent :(

They are 20, 20, 18

Have we fucked up here or are they acting like spoilt brats?

I would not take them. I don think it's ungrateful, whether they like the location or not. There's a way to handle it, and that's not it. They're also adults. I'd never be taking them anywhere again! (I'd say this whether this my stepkids or my own kids by the way, I have both).

Wow as someone who lived in Spain for 3yrs, Marbella was the town of choice for girly weekends away.... Def not chavvy or is it because that's where the TOWIE crowd head in summer?

Chavvy is cheap and loud, not sure who your kids hang out with if the supercars and super yachts are chavvy/cheap....

Totally ungrateful, get your son to invite 2 of his mates and go have a blast!

Last year we asked our own kids 18 and 20 if they wanted to go abroad on holiday, we discussed dates and the fact it would be a beach holiday but hadn’t picked the actual destination, both said they were happy to go.

after we booked it we told them where we were going.

they accepted it as they are not brats.

This needed one of two approaches but you've fallen in the middle. So either this is a holiday focussed on you, let's sit together and look at destinations OR we're going to Marbella if you want to come we'll pay for you.
You've told them the holiday is about them spending time with their dad focussed on them etc, then booked the last place they'd want to go. So it seems to them it's a holiday for you dressed up to say it's about them.
They could've been much politer about it though.

I live in Essex, a lot of people here love 'Marbs' also Dubai which was one of your other suggestions, posing in front of other people's yachts and supercars for Instagram, with yes huge white tombstone Turkey teeth 😂. I genuinely don't know if I'd go even if someone else was paying. I definitely wouldn't choose to go to either.

I'm actually really nice to my SC ❤️
Probably nicer than I am to my own son 😆🙈

But I'm learning my son is probably easier going and grateful because he had nothing growing up, no dad, we had no money etc so he appreciates things a lot more

Whereas my partners kids have been incredibly spoilt through no fault of their own

And this is the outcome...

This. It's awful. I think I would have checked with other adults on choosing the location before presenting it as a fait accompli.

But they could be a bit more gracious about it. Also it does sound a bit like you can't win whatever you do.

I think I'd just say to them, sorry we didn't consult but we can't rebook now. Do you still want to come because x (your son) does, and put the ball in their court. You can't please everyone so at some point you have to please yourselves.

Well to be fair Marbella is bad and I would t be very excited to go there . Why on earth would you book something without research

No, this is the outcome when you don’t consult other adults on the destination.

That as well 🙈🙈🙈

I do too. And I find it odd posters calling adults "brats".

If my parents had asked if we wanted to go away together then we would 100% have discussed where to go.

My DC are older teens and we've been letting them help decide where to go since they were about 8!

you're right, a free holiday is a free holiday.

I bet you have spent time researching the area, hotel etc whereas they haven't. Have they even looked at the hotel on Tripadvisor? I would suggest first getting them to actually listen to why you chose it and why you think it'll be nice. It's so easy to be snobby when you're not the one paying.

You didn't consult them now your complaining they are not greatful, I presume they are your partners children so doesn't say much about them with that thinking.

Clearly she hasn’t done her research as she hasn’t realised what the destination is really like.

If the kids normally play on their phones and don't leave the complex, there are other reasons at play

So all those saying OP should have discussed destinations with the kids, would you be so rude if you were offered a totally free foreign holiday in a popular resort. That's just rude! Talk about looking a gift horse!

OP, can you take the younger ones instead to salvage the holiday? Or just ho with the DC that wants to go?

Really odd you would holiday with adults and not your younger children usually it the otherway around. Surely adults that age want to be holidaying with friends not mam and step dad.

I wouldn't go somewhere like Marbella. So I would refuse. Hopefully with enough grace that the op wouldn't be offended but I'd definitely not go

I thought you were going to say they were somewhere between 13 and 16...

Booking a holiday that includes three adults and NOT discussing destination with them seems very weird to me.

If someone said 'do you want a free holiday' my first question would be 'where?' closely followed by 'when'.

They may also be ungrateful and brattish, and rude and whatever else, but I do think its extremely odd to book other adults a holiday without saying where!

At 20 I was a mum and had a job so yes I would be annoyed if someone booked a holiday without consulting me of the location and dates before booking even if it was free.

Does no one see the aspect of us trying to be nice and give the kids a treat?

I'm shocked by how many people think a surprise is somehow weird and controlling!? 🙈

So if you were surprised with a nice gift/weekend away or item would you say that's weird and controlling?

We consulted dates and Spain
Just not EXACT location

I would cancel it and book a coach trip holiday around Europe, each day on the coach bright and early, sightseeing and all that culture- they will love that 😬

😆🙈

Cancel if you want and/or do something just with him, but don't pander to the prospect of being told youre favouring him, that's monsense.

They were rude in how they framed it.

I'd have just declined it politely.

But it's a difficult position to be in when it's been booked for you already - fait accompli.
Plus their last holiday with their dad sounds a wash-out as well. I'd wonder wtf my dad thought I liked?!?

The good news is that noone sounds like they are going to want to repeat the experience.

Your stepdaughter has every right not to want to go to a country that treats gay people, like her, as criminals. I don't know why you are mocking her for that stance with that stupid monkey emoji.

They world would be a better place if people stopped ignoring human rights abuses because they want a cheap holiday in the sun.