AWBU blended family drama

[Shawaddywaddeee]

So myself and my partner thought it would be nice to take our older kids away (without the younger ones)
On an all expenses paid holiday.
So we can go out have a laugh etc without having to be in early for the lil ones.

They agreed they'd love to go so we did our research and booked Marbella .

To our shock we've been told the location is chavvy and we're shit parents because we didn't ask where they wanted to go.

But we genuinely thought we'd taken all their own personal needs into consideration and got a great deal!

It's cost us £4000 (all inclusive) and they are saying they're not coming!

My partner is so upset because we were so excited and looking forward to having some quality time with the older kids but have been met with utter discontent :(

They are 20, 20, 18

Have we fucked up here or are they acting like spoilt brats?

It's not a treat though if it's not somewhere they want to go.
It's somewhere that you think they want to go - that's entirely different.

They're adults - would you book a holiday with your mates and not discuss possible destinations ?!

And discussing Spain (which is really varied) then booking Marbella (which to me would be one of the worst places in Spain to go to, apart from maybe one of the 18-30 resorts on Majorca!) doesn't mean they are being unreasonable.

Give over!

Granted, i thought the older kids were going to be early teens, not adults, but it's not 'Really odd'

Maybe the kids just want a break from serious overuse of the stupid 🙈 emojis? I know I would.

What sort of holiday did they have in mind? Years ago we once agreed to go on holiday with family but had no discussions about it other than the OK in principle (they were paying) but then they just called us out of the blue and said they had booked somewhere. They didn’t ask us where we wanted to go or what sort of holiday. I didn’t complain but it was a miserable week as I hate sitting on beaches. They might have paid but it was a holiday we would never have gone on otherwise. I have no idea what there is to do in Marbella but maybe look at things to do outside of bars and beaches as maybe they don’t like that sort of thing. They might be surprised what stuff there is to do.

You could throw in some kind of wine tasting excursion. Really show them how to party. Live. Laugh. Love. 🙃😅

Do it by interrail and that's exactly the kind of holiday a huge number of late teen/young adults would like!

Mine would love that. I'd love that. We'd plan it in advance, share ideas, build it together. Actually a really nice bonding activity.

Or ... you could sit on a beach next to a bunch of Brits with shiny teeth ....

😂

They are adults OP, it's their holiday too, so why shouldn't they have a say in where they go?

Does no one see the aspect of us trying to be nice and give the kids a treat?

You put blended family in the thread title. There was no possible way you’d be perceived as doing something nice.

Next time, make your plans and then ask if they want to come before booking. Letting them dictate the destination etc will just end in nightmares for you.

’we are going to go to X. Would you like to come? What dates would work for you?’

This isn’t friends organising a group holiday. It’s parents offering to take young adult offspring away for free.

Actually I feel very strongly about this stuff hence why I would never go to a place where human rights are abused.
Just because I used a "stupid monkey emoji" doesn't mean I think it's a joke.

“In retrospect perhaps we should have said before we booked it, but we thought you’d love it and we thought it would be a nice surprise. Anyway it’s booked now. Would you like to come still or we’ll go on our own with ds/and the younger kids? Have a think and let us know.”

No drama and the ball is in their court. No need to feel guilty anymore.

I would hate it. Sorry.

Do it by interrail and that's exactly the kind of holiday a huge number of late teen/young adults would like!

Jesus, my late teens would wonder why they were being punished 😂

I think the destination should have been discussed. I wouldn’t want to go to Marbella either. I don’t think people have to be grateful for things they don’t like just because it’s free.

It’s not ok that they called you shit parents though just based on this obviously.

At 20 I was booking and going on my own holidays. I would rather choose the destination myself and spend my own money Vs being forced to spend time somewhere I didn't like even if it was free.

That wasn't how it came across.

Not at all.

It seemed another massive eye roll piss take.

You just seem very different to your stepkids. It's a shame their dad doesn't seem to know them better.

My parents did a lot of this when I was a young adult. They'd book something and expect me to be grateful for it because it was free and they were doing a nice thing. There are only so many things you can go to that you don't want to do out of gratitude/family loyalty.

So, whilst I think your DC have expressed themselves badly - I don't see why they should have to be grateful to go on a holiday that you chose and didn't consult them about.
Either you wanted them to come, in which case you mutually agreed a suitable location, or you booked a holiday that you wanted and told them they could come on if they wanted (with no pressure).

Oh I would as well- that’s my kind of holiday!!

This is exactly what I was thinking but you got there before me!

Cancel the holiday and spend the money on the little ones - or just take little ones.

Older ones can fund their own to their chosen 'super-cool' destination. In other words fuck 'em!

You put blended family in the thread title. There was no possible way you’d be perceived as doing something nice.

I agree with @onyttig. If you'd not put that and this had been purely about your own kids, the responses would be different.

Next time discuss the destination with them.

This time say to everyone if you want to go on the holiday - you are welcome. If you don't that's fine too. Just go with whoever wants to go - whether that's with your partner's kids, or your kid. You are being consistent. Treating everyone the same.

What is not OK is cancelling the whole thing just because you SSs don't want to go. Maybe you could get some money back if fewer people are going.

Some people like surprises. Some people don't.

Booking a holiday and telling people they must like it is controlling.

An awful lot of people find being surprised by a gift/weekend away to be controlling, as they wonder what they are expected to do in return.

Now I'm being shot down for using an emoji!

I put that in the sense we can't get it right!

I'm an expressive person is that not ok ? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I can see if from both sides, to a point.
I can’t imagine booking a holiday for my kids, without talking about where we are going to go. On the other hand, if I DID book something, as a surprise, or after a discussion about dates, my children would be very grateful. And of my parents booked me a holiday, even now, I’d be very grateful as well.
Sounds like they are spoiled tbh. I WOULD take your DS and see if you can swap either your younger children in, or even one of your DS’s friends, so he can have a good time with someone of his own age. Give them one last chance to change their minds, with a “we’d love you to come, but if you’re adamant that you’re not interested, then we will change the arrangements so someone else gets the benefit of a free holiday”.

Yes, it's not everyone's cup of tea.

Guess that's why you need to know your kids likes and dislikes when booking holidays ... or ... ask them!

Interrailing round Europe has always been a 18-22 type activity for summer hols for a certain type of teen .... Hence the tickets! They are great .. you can go anywhere for a month, for example. Huge adventure. Less popular now flights are so cheap, but a lot of young people are more bothered by airmiles these days as well so it ticks green credentials.

I'm actually a bit inspired to do it with the kids next, after this!