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Original poster

Just got engaged, wedding in two years too soon?

364 replies

Littlemoon31 · 15/01/2023 22:18

Hi hope you can help me here?

My DP proposed to me on Wednesday whilst away on holiday. Whole family informed, social media post, all smiles and happy. Gorgeous proposal which isn't like him as he isn't romantic.

We came back from our holiday on Saturday morning. We had an amazing time whilst away.

Lots of questions from family about plans, dates etc. I have already asked my bridesmaids. Noted a provisional date and written a guest list.

Tonight has been only opportunity to talk with my DP about my idea to get married in two years.

He has said no and that it is too soon, we should just enjoy the engagement, not drank the champagne that my parents bought us as a celebration gift and that he hasn't even unpacked yet.

Also said I have no patience and it's one of my annoying qualities and that I rush into everything including asking to be his girlfriend (10 years ago) and buying a house (3 years ago.) No children, 2 cats, he is 38 and I am 37.

He is very chilled out person and not emotional at all. Seen him cry 3 times in 10 years. I am the opposite that is why we work.

However I am upset??? What do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlemoon31 · 15/01/2023 22:19

Littlemoon31 · 15/01/2023 22:18

Hi hope you can help me here?

My DP proposed to me on Wednesday whilst away on holiday. Whole family informed, social media post, all smiles and happy. Gorgeous proposal which isn't like him as he isn't romantic.

We came back from our holiday on Saturday morning. We had an amazing time whilst away.

Lots of questions from family about plans, dates etc. I have already asked my bridesmaids. Noted a provisional date and written a guest list.

Tonight has been only opportunity to talk with my DP about my idea to get married in two years.

He has said no and that it is too soon, we should just enjoy the engagement, not drank the champagne that my parents bought us as a celebration gift and that he hasn't even unpacked yet.

Also said I have no patience and it's one of my annoying qualities and that I rush into everything including asking to be his girlfriend (10 years ago) and buying a house (3 years ago.) No children, 2 cats, he is 38 and I am 37.

He is very chilled out person and not emotional at all. Seen him cry 3 times in 10 years. I am the opposite that is why we work.

However I am upset??? What do I do?

Sorry for being long

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 15/01/2023 22:22

Do you want to have children when you get married?

We got engaged and married 4 months later. Not a huge wedding though.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/01/2023 22:22

Doesn't sound like he wants to get married, despite the nice proposal.

2 years, given how long you’ve been together and how old you both are, is a ridiculously long engagement. Especially if you’re waiting to have kids after marriage.

We had ours 4 months after deciding to get hitched and it only took that long as we had a relative who was going to be in the country that weekend.

Argg2054 · 15/01/2023 22:23

Two years is a standard time to plan a wedding.

Do you want kids OP?

Sounds to me like DP is stalling big time

Youdoyoubabe · 15/01/2023 22:23

2 years is long. I would think engaged and probably plan to marry within a few months to a year, why wait?

justasmalltownmum · 15/01/2023 22:23

We got married 6 months after engagement. Sorry but it's a red flag.

Bechets · 15/01/2023 22:24

I'd ask him why he bothered proposing if he doesn't want to get married anytime soon.

What he said about you rushing into things also sounds quite hurtful. Are you happy with him?

PuttingDownRoots · 15/01/2023 22:25

We were engaged for 2 years but were only 22/24 when we got engaged... wanted to get in a better career position first.

Is he generally scared of commitment?

Frabbits · 15/01/2023 22:26

2 years is a reasonable length of time to take from engagement to wedding but if you are already drawing up guest lists (for crying out loud) having got engaged less than a week ago then it's very likely he has a point about enjoying the engagement to some extent. Are you sure you haven't prematurely gone a bit mental about it all?

PriOn1 · 15/01/2023 22:27

Are you hoping to have a family and want to marry first? If so, then waiting more than two years is too long.

If you don’t want a family, then there’s no particular hurry.

That said, two years seems like plenty of time to me. For me, egagement isn’t just a position to move to in a relationship, it’s a statement that you intend to marry, and if he has no intention to marry in the foreseeable future, then there’s little point in being engaged.

If you were happy to simply see bing engaged as a thing in itself, which is what he seems to think, then there’s no problem with it and if you don’t want a family, perhaps you can see it that way too? He’s obviously made an effort with the engagement, which you enjoyed. It’s a shame this has marred something that initially made you very happy.

BIWI · 15/01/2023 22:27

If you've been together that long, why on earth would you want to wait for 2 years?

Do you want to have children with him? Because if so, I'd say that's waiting too long.

Gandalfsdaughter · 15/01/2023 22:28

2 years seems long - we had a small wedding and were only engaged for a few months. Most people around me had roughly a 1 year engagement which gave them time enough to plan their wedding day.

You’re not being impatient at all if you’re planning a wedding day in 2 years time!

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/01/2023 22:28

2 years is not normal in my circle. Not for couples who’ve been together a decade and are in their late 30s. Who can be arsed planning one day for that long?

The only couple I know who had such a long engagement had been together less time than the engagement by the proposal, they saved and borrowed and had a massive do that they were still paying off when they divorced after a couple of years.

PriOn1 · 15/01/2023 22:29

Also said I have no patience and it's one of my annoying qualities and that I rush into everything

Forgot this. This would annoy me. Is he exceptionally slow and cautious about everything? That would drive me crazy!

Poonicorn · 15/01/2023 22:29

Does he want children?

Two years is way too long for me. I planned a big wedding in 9 months.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 15/01/2023 22:29

We got married in less than 6 months. Two years isn’t quick.

Sorry, he seems to be stalling again.

Oddbutnotodd · 15/01/2023 22:30

That’s ridiculous if you’ve already been together for 10years. Met my husband got engaged after a year; married 7 months after that. He doesn’t really want to marry you imho.

kitcat15 · 15/01/2023 22:31

He’s stalling…likely he doesn’t want to get married….….depends how long you are prepared to wait? You are late 30s….Your ship may have already sailed for babies….who knows?

Y7drama · 15/01/2023 22:31

I’d wonder if he really wanted to marry you. 2 years is a fairly long engagement especially as you’ve been together 10 years. Do you want children?

TellMeWhere · 15/01/2023 22:32

Two years is ages.

You sure you want to marry him? You aren't selling him well Confused

Presume you don't want kids?

What does enjoying engagement entail? It's exactly the same as not being engaged.

BridieConvert · 15/01/2023 22:32

I think 2 years is the norm for the length of time to be engaged to be honest! We got married 2 years to the day after we got engaged and that was after not planning anything for the first 6 months (because my sister was getting married then and all focus had to be on that...)

The fact you have been together so long and given your ages I'm wondering why he thinks it's too soon?

Newyearnewmeow · 15/01/2023 22:32

He doesn’t sound nice at all.
Listing all your faults when you were only trying to discuss a date. Twattish!
Not a nice man!

CandleCandleCandle · 15/01/2023 22:33

The big elephant in the room is do you want DC?

HundredMilesAnHour · 15/01/2023 22:33

You've been together 10 years already and he thinks another 2 years until a wedding is quick?! Wow, he's not exactly the Lewis Hamilton of commitment is he?

Personally I'd want to be married within 6 months of getting engaged but lots of people seem to consider an engagement as the next commitment 'phase' rather it is actually being engaged TO BE MARRIED.

On the other hand, I'd probably want to enjoy some time (a week or two) of being newly engaged being drawing up guest lists, bridesmaids, dates etc. That sounds a little too full-on for me.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 15/01/2023 22:34

I suppose it depends on what type of wedding you want and how long it'll take to save?

If you want a big wedding then it'll cost a few thousand (average UK wedding is around £20k or something I think) so maybe he wants to have a few months just enjoying being engaged before having to scrimp and save (if that's the case!).

2 years is about right imo (former wedding manager). For a lot of people that's how long they have to wait to get the right date at their chosen venue.