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AIBU?

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Original poster

Just got engaged, wedding in two years too soon?

364 replies

Littlemoon31 · 15/01/2023 22:18

Hi hope you can help me here?

My DP proposed to me on Wednesday whilst away on holiday. Whole family informed, social media post, all smiles and happy. Gorgeous proposal which isn't like him as he isn't romantic.

We came back from our holiday on Saturday morning. We had an amazing time whilst away.

Lots of questions from family about plans, dates etc. I have already asked my bridesmaids. Noted a provisional date and written a guest list.

Tonight has been only opportunity to talk with my DP about my idea to get married in two years.

He has said no and that it is too soon, we should just enjoy the engagement, not drank the champagne that my parents bought us as a celebration gift and that he hasn't even unpacked yet.

Also said I have no patience and it's one of my annoying qualities and that I rush into everything including asking to be his girlfriend (10 years ago) and buying a house (3 years ago.) No children, 2 cats, he is 38 and I am 37.

He is very chilled out person and not emotional at all. Seen him cry 3 times in 10 years. I am the opposite that is why we work.

However I am upset??? What do I do?

OP posts:
AragornsGirl · 18/01/2023 07:56

After being together that long 2 years does not seem like an unreasonable timeframe at all! My husband and I had 18 months between engagement and wedding. Would probably have been less but we found out I was pregnant the month after we got engaged so didn’t plan anything until
after our daughter was born.

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 18/01/2023 07:57

OP please don’t have a baby with him. He’s clearly showing that he’s selfish, doesn’t care about your dreams, doesn’t see your relationship as worth celebrating and feels like he has the right to shut down any discussion. He’d be a terrible co-parent and father. Cut your losses - he’s shown you who he is, it’s up to you now to listen.

Geranium1984 · 18/01/2023 11:53

If you're having an engagement party could you convince him to get married in a low key registry office earlier in the day?
I once went to a couple's leaving party, turned up and it was actually a surprise wedding, they'd got married that afternoon with just a couple of witnesses. The party was drinks and nibbles in a nice bar so not a full on wedding.

Bloopsie · 18/01/2023 12:02

I wonder if he is forever engaged type of person,gives you a ring so you back off about getting married,for a few years. This engagement is no different from what yoy have been doing for the last 10 years.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/01/2023 12:18

@Littlemoon31 hope you are ok. Know it's all a bit emotional having all these replies

You said

Having a child is both our priority then wedding.

But is it more important than his trip

If that is next year do uou ttc for a few months then stop incase due date is when he's away

daisy46 · 18/01/2023 17:10

Sorry, OP. He doesn't want a big wedding. It's just another way to stall and hold you off.

If he can't be bothered to go to an engagement party that takes no cost or effort, he's definitely not the big wedding type.

Feeling sad for you.

2chocolateoranges · 18/01/2023 19:29

I agree with the people who are saying that the “I want a big wedding” is bullshit. This is so he can say we can’t afford it and need to keep saving until it never happens.

he’s stalling you and I think he proposed in the hope it keeps you happy for a while.

Theeaglesoared · 20/01/2023 14:30

I agree with @Inkpotlover - he will come back from his Big Trip a 'changed man', and he will dump you.

You sound lovely OP. There are better men out there - find one who will treasure you.

Survey99 · 21/01/2023 14:06

Littlemoon31 · 17/01/2023 14:50

Hi sorry just picking the latest posts up now. I'm not sure what the idea was. I have told him that he has embarrassed me but proposing with no view to booking the wedding.

Show quote history

This is the crux of it.

Tell him you are not engaged. Don't just take the ring off, give him it back and tell him when he proposed he asked you to marry him and he has now taken that away - you don't understand why he is being so cruel and it is mortifying you excitedly announced his proposal of marriage. It is his responsibility to work out how explain to everyone why the engagement is off without humiliating you further.

You then need a conversation to decide your future. He has made it clear he has problems with marriage. It is decision time, there is no point you both drifting along with different expectations hoping the other will change their mind. He either agrees with setting a date and starting to plan, or you decide the commitment and financial protection of being married before children is not a deal breaker, or you split.

Summerfun54321 · 26/01/2023 23:35

He's humiliated you and is continuing to humiliate you by showing to your friends and family that he doesn't care about your opinion or what you want. I think you already know you deserve better.

carmenitapink · 26/01/2023 23:39

Frabbits · 15/01/2023 22:26

2 years is a reasonable length of time to take from engagement to wedding but if you are already drawing up guest lists (for crying out loud) having got engaged less than a week ago then it's very likely he has a point about enjoying the engagement to some extent. Are you sure you haven't prematurely gone a bit mental about it all?

Why is 2 years needed?? Why get engaged if you have no plan to marry soon

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 27/01/2023 06:40

Summerfun54321 · 26/01/2023 23:35

He's humiliated you and is continuing to humiliate you by showing to your friends and family that he doesn't care about your opinion or what you want. I think you already know you deserve better.

This is a very good point as well. Dint marry a man who thinks he has final say with no discussion.

Angels03 · 11/03/2023 15:38

Littlemoon31 · 15/01/2023 22:44

We do want children and are planning to start within next month or so. If pregnancy occurred then wedding would be postponed until better time. This is fine by me.

Having a child is both our priority then wedding. However, without a crystal ball I don't want to live my life on the basis that I may be pregnant or have a baby. Until the line appears on a stick then I am carrying on as usual.

I agree I did excited about the guest list but it was just genuinely writing our immediate families names in my pad. I made it sound more than what it was in my original post. I also didn't say that he had told me the church that he wants to get married in.

I'm a PA so I'm a planner and organised. Reason waiting 2 years is due to money as doing up our wreck of a house plus my Mum isn't very well (that's a different thread.)

I'm upset by his reaction tonight.

Has your fiancé agreed to get married after 2 years

Brideintheheadlights · 14/03/2023 16:35

@Littlemoon31 I was thinking about you today and wondered if things have improved?

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