To leave my 9 year old home alone

[greenapplesredpeppers]

I went to the gym today around 2pm and left my 9 year old home while I went - as usual. I'm gone for like 40 mins as the gym is local.

While I'm gone, he's in his room on his laptop, watching TV. He has a phone which he FaceTimes me on.

He's knows the deal as to:

Not open the door
Not touch cooker etc
Go to neighbours house in emergency
Call me if you need anything.

He spoke to his dad on the phone while I was at out and DS told him I was at the gym. His dad hates me, and reported me to the police who came and asked my questions and said it's against the law to do that but they are happy DS is happy and cared for. They basically said, don't give his dad anything to get one over me. We are in the middle of a toxic court battle/

I have checked the law around this before on the GOV & NSPCC websites and checked MM - there is no age limit. It's down to the parent to decide. Personally, I feel DS feel is mature enough for short periods as he doesn't leave his room and FaceTimes me when he wants and most importantly, is comfortable with it. I understand there can be cases where a fire randomly starts which obviously would be a situation I wouldn't want my son to be in alone.

When they spoke to DS, it also came out that his dad used to leave him home alone when he was five years old, which they will be passing onto social services as well as the fact that I left him alone today.

I obviously won't do this until he is older now, but I wanted to ask MN.

So, have you left your 9 year old home alone? WIBU? What age is right? And aren't police incorrect that it's illegal to leave a kid under 12 alone? They said even to go to the shop, is illegal....

[PeekAtYou]

Most 11 year olds are able to walk to school on their first day of secondary. 🤔

My kids were able to stay home alone at age 9. In this LEA, year 5s (age 9/10) are allowed to walk to and from school if parents decide it's suitable.

[TheHauntedPencilCase]

I have twice for around 20 mins. They are very sensible and I called and spoke to them for about 5 mins of the 20 mins. They couldn't care less but I did it for a specific journey and wouldn't have if there was another sensible option its not something i make a habit of. I also left them alone for approx 20 mins today when out planting bulbs on the verge in front of my house. I was within shouting distance and they did call to ask something and I see this as no different to them being inside and me being in the garden or vice versa but ultimately I made a risk assessment, if they had choked I was too far away to help for example.

[dementedpixie]

They're wrong about it being illegal. There is no lower age limit in the UK

[bettybyebye]

I started leaving my DS at 9 for short periods, eg going to get his sister from clubs. He enjoyed the responsibility, knew the rules and could phone me if needed. He’s 10 now and we’re slowly starting to leave him for a bit longer.
I think it very much depends on the child rather than age, and you know your DS best

[Babyclb]

I think being left alone regularly at 9 to do something like the gym is unnecessary and too young.

[diamondpony80]

I do think there isn’t a specific age and as you say, it’s up to the parent to decide. Personally, I wouldn’t leave a 9 year old home alone for any amount of time.

[TheHauntedPencilCase]

@dementedpixie

They're wrong about it being illegal. There is no lower age limit in the UK

Agreed, no lower age limit so a judgement call. I'm also conscious that come Sept my 9yo will be walking to and from school by themselves as they are in year 6. That feels far more risky than leaving them alone tbh but I think only you know your child and your risk appetite. If something awful happened it would feel too young.

[SmileWithADimple]

I think 9yo is a little young for this personally.

[xyzandabc]

Gov.uk says there is no law stating minimum age to be left alone. So if the police told you it was illegal to leave an under 12 alone, they were incorrect. It is down to your judgement.

From gov.uk:
The law does not say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.

Use your judgement on how mature your child is before you decide to leave them alone, for example at home or in a car.

The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) says:

children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
children under 16 should not be left alone overnight
babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone

[NameChangeGin]

I have an 8, nearly 9 year old. I leave him for up to 1.5 hours on his own. He knows all the rules, has a phone he can ring me on. He always has the choice to come with me (usually to ferry older siblings around etc..) or stay on his own (usually playing his pc or watching screens of some.kind!). I would never leave him if he didn't want to stay on his own, and he is always given the option to come with me wherever I'm going!

In your case, I think you r fine to leave him on his own if he is happy and chooses to stay, but given the custody battle, maybe you should think carefully about it? Perhaps seek advice from social services and legal advice.

[Oysterbabe]

9 is too young to be home alone. I think 11 / 12 for short periods.

[Mawface]

Personally, I don't think you did anything wrong . I've left my DS10 home a few times for 20-30 mins max since he was 9. Him and his brother DD7 walk the small walk from school aswell as are both quite sensible.

[Ruffpuff]

The police really need to sort themselves out with regards to knowing the law.

It all depends on the 9 year old, personally I think it’s fine. You know your child, and I think it’s great for children to have a taste of responsibility and independence for short periods of time from a young age. It wasn’t that long ago that children much younger than this would play out on the street all day by themselves. As long as the child has rules set in place, like you do, I think it’s beneficial for the child regardless of the reason for them being left alone.

[onlyconnect]

It depends on the child. My nine year old is home alone once a week for about 40 min and fir shorter periods on odd other occasions.
Some 9 year old will be ready for that and some won't. I'm sure you're the best person to judge.

[dinkybella77]

Yes, same here. I have left dc for very short periods with strict rules not to open the door, cook etc. They know they can call on the neighbours or phone me immediately. I call to check on them. Older child was more mature younger one used to worry so it wasn't unless absolutely necessary. If I couldn't get childcare on occasion. School allows them to walk home from Yr 6 and so it was around that age or a little before.
I felt that it was OK for less than an hour with some strategies in place for safety and importantly to help them feel safe.
Having said all of that I don't think my situation was the same as yours.

[AllOfThemWitches]

I think too young but not such bad parenting you should have him removed or anything.

[Hollyhead]

I stared leaving mine at home for short periods at that time. I probably wouldn’t have done 40 mins though more like 20. Our school also allows them to walk home from year 5, so they’re alone then! Now 11 and in year 6 my DC has built up to being on for an hour and a half every now and then. Fir him and taking into account environmental factors it feels perfect for his level of maturity.

[Monkeytapper]

For an emergency yes, but not for the gym, maybe towards end of year 6

[Mummybearto3bg]

9 is too young. My 12 Yr old is mature but I've still only not been in the house once when he arrived home 5 mins before me.

[SchoolQuestionnaire]

I wouldn’t leave a 9 year old alone tbh. Mine were left from 12 onward. I think leaving a 9 y/o is neglectful if I’m honest.

[LoveBluey]

@Oysterbabe

9 is too young to be home alone. I think 11 / 12 for short periods.

But I used to walk to secondary school by myself when I had only just turned 11 and it was a 30 minute walk each way crossing several busy roads and in winter it was starting to get dark. That feels much riskier than staying home alone for less than an hour.

[Hollyhead]

You see I think 12 is too late for a mature 12 year old to start to be alone for short amounts of time. When I was that age we used to go into town all day on our own!

[mycatsanutter]

My son is 9 and I pop to my sisters over the road for 5 minutes or the shop which is a 1 minute walk away , I wouldn't leave him for 40 minutes I think it's too young . As it's something that's built up by the age of 14 he would be expecting to stay out late and be left alone over night .

[Stickmansmum]

Sounds totally fine to me. People really underestimate children in the UK.

[Niffler29]

YANBU I wasn’t aware that it was apparently illegal and I can’t find anything online to back that up. I have been leaving DS alone regularly since that age, just for short periods whilst I popped to the local shop or took the dog for a walk in the pouring rain etc. He is now 11 and I’ll leave him for an hour or so. He has a mobile phone, we have good neighbours and he’s very sensible. He’s generally in the exact same position I left him in when I get back. By this time next year he’ll have to make his own way home from school and be in the house for a few hours alone before I’ll be home.